Disagreement About Childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What have you proposed as your way of fixing this issue?

OP here. Daycare.

[Anonymous]

I think he is making excuses but not sure why. There are plenty of high up secret squirrel people who have nannies/babysitters/housecleaners. I actually worked as a Nanny for 3 months for an FBI agent and you know he was doing secret squirrel stuff.............
He needs an officer with a door that closes.

Or you do daycare or nanny share in someone elses home. Either way, he is making this harder on you when its him that has the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t really say what my husband does exactly, but a nanny is not an option for us for the safety and security of his job.

Then he needs to be in the office. If a nanny can’t hear what he’s saying, than neither can you. Spouses are not exempt from confidentiality and security rules.

OP here. It’s very different with me versus a nanny. We also have firearms in the home and some nannies we spoke with ( when we first interviewing before he got a promotion) we’re not comfortable with it. All of our firearms are locked up but we still needed to disclose it.

He will be in an office but not until sometime next year because of Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t really say what my husband does exactly, but a nanny is not an option for us for the safety and security of his job.

Then he needs to be in the office. If a nanny can’t hear what he’s saying, than neither can you. Spouses are not exempt from confidentiality and security rules.

This.

Either he goes into the office, or you guys invest some money and make his home office sound proof.

Either way is better than demanding that you quit your job.

I'd also consider an in home daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

That's really irrational. Your husband wants you to quit your job because he can't figure out how to have a confidential conversation at home? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP above that if your DH has such confidential info a nanny can't hear it, then you too should not be allowed near him during work.

Second, what govt job does your DH have that is so super important top secret, but where he doesn't get paid enough to live on one income?

My guess: Your DH's job is really not so secret, super important but he is using excuses to get your to quit your job right now. You guys have an infant at home but you both work currently.... so i'm guessing you are supposed to be splitting off childcare during the work day right now. And your DH doesn't want to be dealing with the covid stuck at home childcare burden, and would far prefer that you just quit your job and handle it all so he can go back to having his workday in peace.

Absolutely do not quit your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t really say what my husband does exactly, but a nanny is not an option for us for the safety and security of his job.

Then he needs to be in the office. If a nanny can’t hear what he’s saying, than neither can you. Spouses are not exempt from confidentiality and security rules.

OP here. It’s very different with me versus a nanny. We also have firearms in the home and some nannies we spoke with ( when we first interviewing before he got a promotion) we’re not comfortable with it. All of our firearms are locked up but we still needed to disclose it.

He will be in an office but not until sometime next year because of Covid.

Nope. If he’s having confidential discussions no one should be able to hear him that doesn’t have a need to know. Including you. That is why plenty of Feds have had to continue to work in the office throughout the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he is making excuses but not sure why. There are plenty of high up secret squirrel people who have nannies/babysitters/housecleaners. I actually worked as a Nanny for 3 months for an FBI agent and you know he was doing secret squirrel stuff.............
He needs an officer with a door that closes.

Or you do daycare or nanny share in someone elses home. Either way, he is making this harder on you when its him that has the issue.

lol, I love the secret squirrel image. yes, this is DC, there are literally hundreds of thousands of people having confidential conversations every day. And I can bet you many of them have nannies; many of OP's DH's coworkers and bosses have nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t really say what my husband does exactly, but a nanny is not an option for us for the safety and security of his job.

Then he needs to be in the office. If a nanny can’t hear what he’s saying, than neither can you. Spouses are not exempt from confidentiality and security rules.

OP here. It’s very different with me versus a nanny. We also have firearms in the home and some nannies we spoke with ( when we first interviewing before he got a promotion) we’re not comfortable with it. All of our firearms are locked up but we still needed to disclose it.

He will be in an office but not until sometime next year because of Covid.

Nope. If he’s having confidential discussions no one should be able to hear him that doesn’t have a need to know. Including you. That is why plenty of Feds have had to continue to work in the office throughout the pandemic.

exactly. if it were so top secret he'd be working in scif.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t really say what my husband does exactly, but a nanny is not an option for us for the safety and security of his job.

Then he needs to be in the office. If a nanny can’t hear what he’s saying, than neither can you. Spouses are not exempt from confidentiality and security rules.

OP here. It’s very different with me versus a nanny. We also have firearms in the home and some nannies we spoke with ( when we first interviewing before he got a promotion) we’re not comfortable with it. All of our firearms are locked up but we still needed to disclose it.

He will be in an office but not until sometime next year because of Covid.

Nope. If he’s having confidential discussions no one should be able to hear him that doesn’t have a need to know. Including you. That is why plenty of Feds have had to continue to work in the office throughout the pandemic.

exactly. if it were so top secret he'd be working in scif.

I doubt it is actual classified information. More like the DH is inflating his importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

So does half of DC.

This “reason” makes no sense. Look, if his position was really that sensitive he wouldn’t be working from home at all. He’d be in the office. And since it’s only a bit sensitive he should invest in some good headphones/microphone and speak quietly into it. If he’s in a room with the door closed speaking quietly, then unless your nanny is also a top secret spy, there should be no issue.

[Anonymous]

I have never seen a DH try and come up with so many excuses to get his wife to quit her job.

Confidential info! Firearms! Covid!

He is full of crap about all of this and clearly just wants you to quit your job. Hard stop.

Why does he want you to quit your job so badly? That's the real question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP above that if your DH has such confidential info a nanny can't hear it, then you too should not be allowed near him during work.

Second, what govt job does your DH have that is so super important top secret, but where he doesn't get paid enough to live on one income?

My guess: Your DH's job is really not so secret, super important but he is using excuses to get your to quit your job right now. You guys have an infant at home but you both work currently.... so i'm guessing you are supposed to be splitting off childcare during the work day right now. And your DH doesn't want to be dealing with the covid stuck at home childcare burden, and would far prefer that you just quit your job and handle it all so he can go back to having his workday in peace.

Absolutely do not quit your job.

OP here. My husband makes good money but not DC money. We’re not rich and we need my income if we want our lifestyle. Most feds don’t make much though. I can’t say what he does exactly.

My parents and his parents have been helping us. Neither of us our caring for our child ( who is a toddler, not an infant) during the day.

[Anonymous]

Put your child into daycare if you cannot hire a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Don't quit. You will not be able to come back at the same salary level and will likely lose your skillset/connections. Put kiddos into daycare and pay for it with your money....problem solved. Another option is to find an au pair post-COVID.