Disagreement About Childcare

[Anonymous]

Are both OP and her husband teleworking?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you just do. Act. Put a plan in place, your plan. Don't talk incessantly about it. Actually don't talk about it at all.

If it's happening and not working out, your husband needs to put in place a better alternative -- one that does not involve you leaving your job. Since his only plan is you not working and that's not happening, he has no plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband cheated on you before w/the Nanny?

Because I simply cannot think of any job that would prohibit your husband from employing a Nanny.....

OP here. No. We have never had a nanny. My husband has never cheated on me. He works for the feds and doesn’t want a nanny in our home since he is on calls all day discussing things that most can’t know.

Are you authorized to listen to his classified calls OP? Do you have the security clearance? If not, it is no better than if a basic background checked nanny hears

This makes absolutely no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband cheated on you before w/the Nanny?

Because I simply cannot think of any job that would prohibit your husband from employing a Nanny.....

OP here. No. We have never had a nanny. My husband has never cheated on me. He works for the feds and doesn’t want a nanny in our home since he is on calls all day discussing things that most can’t know.

Are you authorized to listen to his classified calls OP? Do you have the security clearance? If not, it is no better than if a basic background checked nanny hears

This makes absolutely no sense.

Yes, it does. If OP’s DH is really having confidential conversations at home she would not be able to hear them either. There is no spousal exception with government security. But OP is lying about her husband’s job so it really doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband cheated on you before w/the Nanny?

Because I simply cannot think of any job that would prohibit your husband from employing a Nanny.....

OP here. No. We have never had a nanny. My husband has never cheated on me. He works for the feds and doesn’t want a nanny in our home since he is on calls all day discussing things that most can’t know.

Are you authorized to listen to his classified calls OP? Do you have the security clearance? If not, it is no better than if a basic background checked nanny hears

This makes absolutely no sense.

Yes, it does. If OP’s DH is really having confidential conversations at home she would not be able to hear them either. There is no spousal exception with government security. But OP is lying about her husband’s job so it really doesn’t matter.

No job like that would even allow him to do that work at home so the entire thing makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband cheated on you before w/the Nanny?

Because I simply cannot think of any job that would prohibit your husband from employing a Nanny.....

OP here. No. We have never had a nanny. My husband has never cheated on me. He works for the feds and doesn’t want a nanny in our home since he is on calls all day discussing things that most can’t know.

Are you authorized to listen to his classified calls OP? Do you have the security clearance? If not, it is no better than if a basic background checked nanny hears

This makes absolutely no sense.

Yes, it does. If OP’s DH is really having confidential conversations at home she would not be able to hear them either. There is no spousal exception with government security. But OP is lying about her husband’s job so it really doesn’t matter.

No job like that would even allow him to do that work at home so the entire thing makes no sense.

See the bold. Read the entire thread where this has been said over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he not want to do daycare? Because of covid?

I don't see why you wouldn't just keep doing what you're doing then put the kids in daycare in say, May, when things are a bit better covid wise.

OP here. He doesn’t want our child in daycare because of Covid. We had in daycare in daycare before the pandemic.

Goodness gracious. He has too many excuses. Important confidential convos? Why can't he be in the basement or behind closed doors talking more quietly? He wants to talk loud? He just doesn't want the hassle of dealing with/sharing space with the nanny and hearing an infant crying several times a day. He wants the peace and quiet of his office. Tell him to mask on and go into the office.

Re: daycare covid excuse. Does he have data to back up his fear something will happen to your child? The fear of the child catching covid at daycare is based out of fear, not hard proof. Daycares HAVE BEEN OPEN for months locally and nationwide with hardly any problems reported. Think about the hundreds of thousands of kids in daycare nationwide. Mine is in one with over 100 kids, no problems.

They are two peas in pod. OP has too many excuses. Match made in heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep trying for a nanny share--I bet there's a family out there who either has a big enough house for the kids not to be a disruption to the day, or who prefer not to pack up the kids and get them out of the house. I'm a nanny and there's one day a week where I bring the kids to my place which is a fun diversion from the same ol' same ol'. I've done shares full time at my place in the past because both moms were post part and the dads worked from home. If you really want a nanny share, I promise there's a way to make it work. Every pot has a lid.

OP here. I don’t really like the idea of a nanny share. Dropping my child off at a strangers home doesn’t make me feel right. Working with strangers to come up with logistics such as hours, pay, vacation, etc. Trying to find a family who follows similar parental philosophies, etc., can be tough. I’d rather my child be in daycare with lots of hands and cameras I can see. I had full access to cameras and an app at the old daycare.

OP, w/all due respect I am shocked that you are more comfortable having your child in a daycare vs. staying home w/a private Nanny.

How would a Nanny be a stranger yet the childcare workers not be?
Weren’t they strangers initially??
Also, yes more hands available but also more kids to attend to.
Your child will never get the care & attention that they will need.

I think you prefer daycare because it is cheaper.
Once you have your second child, having a Nanny will cost the same or even less than putting two kids in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Also, you do not know of the parenting philosophies of the childcare workers who will be caring for your child.

There are likely a myriad of them vs. just one person.

[Anonymous]

stop giving OP advice.

she doesn't want a solution, just wants to argue with people about why the myriad possible solutions wont work for her or her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What job does he have that he cannot have a Nanny in his home?

He should not force you to quite if you do not need to, Either find a share in someone elses home, or do daycare.

OP here. My husband works for the federal government and is on the phone all day talking about very top every information. He does not feel comfortable having someone in the home who could possibly overhead certain things. He’s not a spy or anything, but he manages a handful of programs for the government.

That's really irrational. Your husband wants you to quit your job because he can't figure out how to have a confidential conversation at home? Come on.

Yeah, this sounds nuts. He needs to go into the office or find a way to make his home office soundproof somehow. But quitting your job isn’t an option.