SAHM vs WOHM, why the strong feelings
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Anonymous
What slaves only in the sense they didn’t marry a breadwinner or come from money like you. It’s generally not ‘lifestyle’ that makes it expensive other than looking for decent housing with good schools |
Anonymous
PTO? |
Anonymous
| So why did OP, a SAHM, start this thread? |
Anonymous
I've gotten my answer already. Most people don't feel strongly about it, but the few who do seem to need to justify their choices. I only recently joined dcum so I was surprised at the ferocity of these threads. Like I said in real life I don't see such a line between SAHM and WOHM or WAH. We are each doing what works for us. My working friends don't try to scare me that my husband might cheat, I'm sure their kids are fine in day care and I'm glad they earn money and wouldn't call them wage slaves and they're excellent moms, etc |
Anonymous
Sorry, but this simply makes no sense. I understand it's a pew survey and they are very reputable, but this data makes no sense to me. I am wondering how they are defining "working mother"? But if one woman has a 2 yo and works a full-time job and another woman has a 2 yo and stays home (which is really what most of us are talking about when we say SAHM vs WOHM), then the SAHM is doing at least 40 more hours per week of childcare than the working mom. |
Anonymous
but that is the point. This report shows that they AREN'T doing 40hr more per week of childcare than a WAHM, they are doing 7 hr more on average. On average, WAHM are doing *slightly less* childcare, but are also losing out on sleep and leisure time as compared to a SAHM. But again, this is an average, so yes there are example of extremes getting averaged out. In your example, having a 2 year old (ie not in school) there is probably a greater divide in SAHM vs WAHM childcare, but this is being averaged with SAHM of 6 year olds who are in school (ie, outsourced childcare) and WAHM of 6 year olds who are also in school, now that SAHM has a lot more time for house chores, leisure and sleep as compared to the WAHM. |
Anonymous
Brand NP who thinks this debate is 90% sexism and 10% insecurity but who also questions this study. I guess if you're averaging all SAHM this makes sense but all the SAHMs I know have kids under 5 and do something more like 80-100 hours a week of childcare. |
Anonymous
Its idiotic to compare SAHM whose kids are not in school vs. SAHM whose kids are in school. It is not comparable/averagable -- these are two different categories. When I was home with me kids before they entered preschool, I easily did 60-80 hours a week of childcare. |
Anonymous
Again, this is covered in the report: see chapter 3, Children's Characteristics. "One important factor related to mothers’ time use is the age of their children. Younger children create greater demands on their parents’ time. Among married stay-at-home mothers, those with children ages 5 or younger spend twice as much time on child-care activities as do those with older children (25 hours per week vs. 12 hours). At the same time, stay-at-home mothers with younger children do somewhat less housework than their counterparts with older children (24 hours per week vs. 27 hours). ... The same pattern can be seen with married working mothers. Those with younger children spend more than twice as much time on child-care activities as do mothers with children age 6 or older (16 hours per week vs. 7 hours). Their time doing housework is also somewhat lower (14 hours per week vs. 16 hours)." So again, on average overall SAHM mom's spend 18hr/week and WAHM spend 11hr/week, only a 7hr differential. But acknowledging that young children require more childcare, looking specifically at mothers of young children (<= 5) this becomes 25hrs/week average for SAHM and 16hr/week for WAHM, or a 9hr differential. But again, this shows two things: (1) that SAHM mom outsource childcare too, even though you spent 60-80hr, the average is 25. and (2) WAHM still provide lots of childcare, but shirk their own leisure in sleep to be able to work outside of the home. |
Anonymous
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I have 1,3, and 5 year old children. I have exactly 35 hours of paid help a week. No help from husband. I am on duty 24/7. Everyone is home an one is sn and a bad sleeper.
Would never think of counting the hours. I feel really lucky I get to take a break sometimes. |
Anonymous
35 hours of help a week is very lucky! |
Anonymous
Bingo! For most women, there is no fight in real life. It really only exists on the Internet. And on the Internet, we all want our choices validated. |
Anonymous
OK, i think I figured out why these numbers feel so wonky to me (i'm in the category of stayed-at-home before the kids were in school, worked afterwards, and i knew may SAH moms during that period of my life, and the VAST majority of them were the only adult with their children between 8-6 every single day. So, WAY more than registers on this survey). I found this buried in an appendix: "Time spent on child care does not include time when a mother may be engaged in another activity (such as housework, shopping or leisure) while her children are present." So, for example, when a SAH mom takes her kid to the grocery store, or cooks and cleans during the day while she is home with the kid, it doesn't count. To me, that feels very unfair, especially when you have very young children -- you are still responsible for them, ie, you are proving childcare. |
Anonymous
Do the numbers really matter . taking care of small kids is 24/7. Any time you don't have a babysitter you're on. |