SAHM vs WOHM, why the strong feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're upset by SAHMs I'd hate to introduce you to some of my Stay At Home Wife peers. No they don't plan on kids, and even the SAHMs ask them what they do all day (and the answer always is "Whatever I want, even if it means we fly to Greece just for a better tan"). That gets women super ragey.

Op here. You know what? I don't get it and I'd be embarrassed not to work without kids. But good for them! I hope they are happy and things work out for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

Out of touch with what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're upset by SAHMs I'd hate to introduce you to some of my Stay At Home Wife peers. No they don't plan on kids, and even the SAHMs ask them what they do all day (and the answer always is "Whatever I want, even if it means we fly to Greece just for a better tan"). That gets women super ragey.

Op here. You know what? I don't get it and I'd be embarrassed not to work without kids. But good for them! I hope they are happy and things work out for them!

For arguments sake: if you had no kids but had deeply ill family members who needed care it would be more embarrassing than having a 25 year old and never going back to work? That's kind of strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wohm guilt, anger and frustration. Usually low earning wohms in low hhi homes in DMV froth at the mouth.
Rich wohms with good careers don't have time for this shit. Most SAHMs in an expensive place like DMV are educated, former WOHMS and have high HHI.

SAHMs usually don't start these threads.

They totally do, and if they don't, they stir just as much crap in them. It's not WOHM/SAHM, it's judgmental, insecure, or otherwise obnoxious women who look for ways to tear down others to feel superior or validate their own choices. The mudslingers come from both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're upset by SAHMs I'd hate to introduce you to some of my Stay At Home Wife peers. No they don't plan on kids, and even the SAHMs ask them what they do all day (and the answer always is "Whatever I want, even if it means we fly to Greece just for a better tan"). That gets women super ragey.

Op here. You know what? I don't get it and I'd be embarrassed not to work without kids. But good for them! I hope they are happy and things work out for them!

For arguments sake: if you had no kids but had deeply ill family members who needed care it would be more embarrassing than having a 25 year old and never going back to work? That's kind of strange.

No, it would be the same thing. Her example was of a stay at home wife with literally nothing to do but go to the beach. I personally would feel uncomfortable in such a lifestyle but I'm glad for other people to be happy.

Kids are just my current occupation (pregnant with 5th) so that's where my head is at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

+1 what? where are you getting this "average" number of 15-20 hrs? I SAH and I have a 4 yo and 1 yo. At the MAX, when my daughter was in preschool last year, she was gone for 12 hrs/wk.... but I had a baby at home, so not sure what that counts as. If she'd gone to preschool this year, it would've been between 9 and 16 hrs a wk, but again, my baby would've been at home with me.
And no, staying home with children and being at work are not the same thing. Do you think being a daycare worker and working in an office are the same thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

+1 what? where are you getting this "average" number of 15-20 hrs? I SAH and I have a 4 yo and 1 yo. At the MAX, when my daughter was in preschool last year, she was gone for 12 hrs/wk.... but I had a baby at home, so not sure what that counts as. If she'd gone to preschool this year, it would've been between 9 and 16 hrs a wk, but again, my baby would've been at home with me.
And no, staying home with children and being at work are not the same thing. Do you think being a daycare worker and working in an office are the same thing?

Pp here. It’s from a survey done several years ago. I have a hard copy of it filed somewhere, but can’t find it right now.
And it’s an average.
For every mom who has their children 100% of the time, there is one who trades off childcare with a neighbor or has kids who go to visit grandparents every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Please post your survey PP because I’m another NP who finds that really hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

+1 what? where are you getting this "average" number of 15-20 hrs? I SAH and I have a 4 yo and 1 yo. At the MAX, when my daughter was in preschool last year, she was gone for 12 hrs/wk.... but I had a baby at home, so not sure what that counts as. If she'd gone to preschool this year, it would've been between 9 and 16 hrs a wk, but again, my baby would've been at home with me.
And no, staying home with children and being at work are not the same thing. Do you think being a daycare worker and working in an office are the same thing?

Pp here. It’s from a survey done several years ago. I have a hard copy of it filed somewhere, but can’t find it right now.
And it’s an average.
For every mom who has their children 100% of the time, there is one who trades off childcare with a neighbor or has kids who go to visit grandparents every weekend.

Visiting family on the weekends isn’t childcare. That’s what families do. Your former example sounds more like a reciprocal play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

+1 what? where are you getting this "average" number of 15-20 hrs? I SAH and I have a 4 yo and 1 yo. At the MAX, when my daughter was in preschool last year, she was gone for 12 hrs/wk.... but I had a baby at home, so not sure what that counts as. If she'd gone to preschool this year, it would've been between 9 and 16 hrs a wk, but again, my baby would've been at home with me.
And no, staying home with children and being at work are not the same thing. Do you think being a daycare worker and working in an office are the same thing?

Pp here. It’s from a survey done several years ago. I have a hard copy of it filed somewhere, but can’t find it right now.
And it’s an average.
For every mom who has their children 100% of the time, there is one who trades off childcare with a neighbor or has kids who go to visit grandparents every weekend.

Visiting family on the weekends isn’t childcare. That’s what families do. Your former example sounds more like a reciprocal play date.

Ok. If you don’t think that friends, family members, or preschool can provide childcare, then you aren’t going to care for this survey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're upset by SAHMs I'd hate to introduce you to some of my Stay At Home Wife peers. No they don't plan on kids, and even the SAHMs ask them what they do all day (and the answer always is "Whatever I want, even if it means we fly to Greece just for a better tan"). That gets women super ragey.

Op here. You know what? I don't get it and I'd be embarrassed not to work without kids. But good for them! I hope they are happy and things work out for them!

For arguments sake: if you had no kids but had deeply ill family members who needed care it would be more embarrassing than having a 25 year old and never going back to work? That's kind of strange.

I’ll be 62 by then, so no. Not working for money while kids are home doesn’t mean not working or pursuing meaningful intellectual pursuits. You all lack imagination.

[Anonymous]

I was fully able to care for my dad because of my vast accrued leave and flexible hours.

My sister also was because she invoked the FMLA leave (family medical care act).

You can still work and care for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're upset by SAHMs I'd hate to introduce you to some of my Stay At Home Wife peers. No they don't plan on kids, and even the SAHMs ask them what they do all day (and the answer always is "Whatever I want, even if it means we fly to Greece just for a better tan"). That gets women super ragey.

Op here. You know what? I don't get it and I'd be embarrassed not to work without kids. But good for them! I hope they are happy and things work out for them!

For arguments sake: if you had no kids but had deeply ill family members who needed care it would be more embarrassing than having a 25 year old and never going back to work? That's kind of strange.

I’ll be 62 by then, so no. Not working for money while kids are home doesn’t mean not working or pursuing meaningful intellectual pursuits. You all lack imagination.

Fantastic, then we're in agreement that it's not an embarrassment to not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what this is ab,out either, OP. Sure there are some people who truly SAH 100% of the time. And there are some people who are WOH 60+ hours/wk + travel. But most people do something in between and are more similar than they are different.

SAHM's use an average of 15-20 hours/wk of childcare, whether it's preschool, grandparents, or a hired babysitter.
WOHM's use an average of 35 hours/wk of childcare.
All moms of young children spend an average of 100 hours/wk working in and out of the home.

Most of us are spending nearly all of our time doing the same thing. The WOHM vs SAHM debate is mostly fabricated.

This is hilariously out of touch.

+1 what? where are you getting this "average" number of 15-20 hrs? I SAH and I have a 4 yo and 1 yo. At the MAX, when my daughter was in preschool last year, she was gone for 12 hrs/wk.... but I had a baby at home, so not sure what that counts as. If she'd gone to preschool this year, it would've been between 9 and 16 hrs a wk, but again, my baby would've been at home with me.
And no, staying home with children and being at work are not the same thing. Do you think being a daycare worker and working in an office are the same thing?

Pp here. It’s from a survey done several years ago. I have a hard copy of it filed somewhere, but can’t find it right now.
And it’s an average.
For every mom who has their children 100% of the time, there is one who trades off childcare with a neighbor or has kids who go to visit grandparents every weekend.

Visiting family on the weekends isn’t childcare. That’s what families do. Your former example sounds more like a reciprocal play date.

Ok. If you don’t think that friends, family members, or preschool can provide childcare, then you aren’t going to care for this survey.

That’s not what I said, and yes I would like to see the survey.