Husband doesn’t want a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

News flash - some people don't work, and that includes SAHMs whose kids are in school whose spouses provide the income solo. People with trust funds, retirees and people on long term disability etc don't work. It is what it is, but why worry about what they do all day?

I could never relate to someone who chooses not to contribute to society in some way (be it volunteer work, paid work, caring for their young children). I might also have a hard time respecting them. Just my world view on what it means to be an adult.

I’m sure they don’t respect you either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

News flash - some people don't work, and that includes SAHMs whose kids are in school whose spouses provide the income solo. People with trust funds, retirees and people on long term disability etc don't work. It is what it is, but why worry about what they do all day?

I could never relate to someone who chooses not to contribute to society in some way (be it volunteer work, paid work, caring for their young children). I might also have a hard time respecting them. Just my world view on what it means to be an adult.

Define contributing? So, basically they don't live their life how you see it, you reject them. I feel bad for your kids. My parents were like that. I have no relationship with them now. They are very unhappy people and I am happy. I love the freedom of not working. When a family member was ill, I could step in for a year without notice and care for them until I was physically unable and then could be very active in their care in the nursing home. As teens, your kids need you more, not less. You cannot get that time back with them. You are self absorbed not to realize how much older kids need their parents, both parents. Being at home gives my husband the freedom to have that time with our family.

Oh give me a f@cking break. I WAH full-time for the Feds, I see my teens as much as you see yours. I’m home all day.

My husband also doesn’t make me work or not work. He makes 4-times my salary so it’s not necessary, but I love what I do and I also like the retirement/health benefits and extra security.

I get sick of the martyrs acting like their teens can’t wipe their own @sses without helicopter mom helping.

[Anonymous]

Well, there is a lid for every bottle. Some men wants a SAHM wife, some a WOHM, and some want a woman who does not want kids because he has already raised his children from his first marriage. I am sure that everyone is allowed to have their preferences.

I could never be married to a Trump supporter or a racist, and I am not married to one. The beauty of having choice and power over your personal decisions is that you can choose your own spouse.

OP, I am sure your DH is not someone that women are throwing themselves at. He is ordinary and perhaps perfect for you. So enjoy that. Most women don't care what your Joe Shmoe husband wants.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I each work a 4 day week so our kids can have parents who are home Wed and Fri. We do not work jobs that overpower our family life, so absolutely no doctoring or layering.

[Anonymous]

^^lawyering not layering

[Anonymous]

I was married to one of those. For 10 long miserable years. He would not let me take off any time for babies. That was a dealbreaker for me. We agreed no kids before the marriage. Then he changed his mind and pressured me...one time and pregnant. Took hardly any maternity leave. If I have to work my ass off, why would I want to stay married to a jerk?

I do not think marriage today benefits women at all if they are moms and full time employees. Would rather be single with kids than married and expected to be a 1950s housewife and 100k plus earner simultaneously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

News flash - some people don't work, and that includes SAHMs whose kids are in school whose spouses provide the income solo. People with trust funds, retirees and people on long term disability etc don't work. It is what it is, but why worry about what they do all day?

I could never relate to someone who chooses not to contribute to society in some way (be it volunteer work, paid work, caring for their young children). I might also have a hard time respecting them. Just my world view on what it means to be an adult.

Define contributing? So, basically they don't live their life how you see it, you reject them. I feel bad for your kids. My parents were like that. I have no relationship with them now. They are very unhappy people and I am happy. I love the freedom of not working. When a family member was ill, I could step in for a year without notice and care for them until I was physically unable and then could be very active in their care in the nursing home. As teens, your kids need you more, not less. You cannot get that time back with them. You are self absorbed not to realize how much older kids need their parents, both parents. Being at home gives my husband the freedom to have that time with our family.

Oh give me a f@cking break. I WAH full-time for the Feds, I see my teens as much as you see yours. I’m home all day.

My husband also doesn’t make me work or not work. He makes 4-times my salary so it’s not necessary, but I love what I do and I also like the retirement/health benefits and extra security.

I get sick of the martyrs acting like their teens can’t wipe their own @sses without helicopter mom helping.

Being involved is not helicoptering and your attitude justifies to you why you aren't involved. If you want to work, work, but you cannot claim you see yours as much as I do if you are working full time even from home but keep telling yourself that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, there is a lid for every bottle. Some men wants a SAHM wife, some a WOHM, and some want a woman who does not want kids because he has already raised his children from his first marriage. I am sure that everyone is allowed to have their preferences.

I could never be married to a Trump supporter or a racist, and I am not married to one. The beauty of having choice and power over your personal decisions is that you can choose your own spouse.

OP, I am sure your DH is not someone that women are throwing themselves at. He is ordinary and perhaps perfect for you. So enjoy that. Most women don't care what your Joe Shmoe husband wants.

How do you know this? The fact that your husband lets you SAH doesn’t make him extraordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, there is a lid for every bottle. Some men wants a SAHM wife, some a WOHM, and some want a woman who does not want kids because he has already raised his children from his first marriage. I am sure that everyone is allowed to have their preferences.

I could never be married to a Trump supporter or a racist, and I am not married to one. The beauty of having choice and power over your personal decisions is that you can choose your own spouse.

OP, I am sure your DH is not someone that women are throwing themselves at. He is ordinary and perhaps perfect for you. So enjoy that. Most women don't care what your Joe Shmoe husband wants.

How do you know this? The fact that your husband lets you SAH doesn’t make him extraordinary.

Certainly extraordinary because he understands that the choice is mine and not his. He wants my happiness and this means that he does not have to "let me" do anything. I choose what I want to do and he respects my intelligence an judgement and trusts that I will look out for our entire family whatever I choose.

Again. No one wants you DH or his opinions. You are welcome to him.

[Anonymous]

I'm a sahm hoping to have a very large family. I don't really get why everyone is so emotional about it. There is no right way to raise kids.

For my family and my kids, sah is what works and we like it. For someone else, they have a loving nanny or day care.

We don't need to demonize other people's spouses or situations. If it works for you great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

News flash - some people don't work, and that includes SAHMs whose kids are in school whose spouses provide the income solo. People with trust funds, retirees and people on long term disability etc don't work. It is what it is, but why worry about what they do all day?

I could never relate to someone who chooses not to contribute to society in some way (be it volunteer work, paid work, caring for their young children). I might also have a hard time respecting them. Just my world view on what it means to be an adult.

The trust fund recipients, retirees and SAHMs etc really don't care what you think about adulting and whether you "relate" to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married to one of those. For 10 long miserable years. He would not let me take off any time for babies. That was a dealbreaker for me. We agreed no kids before the marriage. Then he changed his mind and pressured me...one time and pregnant. Took hardly any maternity leave. If I have to work my ass off, why would I want to stay married to a jerk?

I do not think marriage today benefits women at all if they are moms and full time employees. Would rather be single with kids than married and expected to be a 1950s housewife and 100k plus earner simultaneously

In fairness, sounds like OP did take some time off when the babies were young. She isn't clear on how long her husband was ok with her staying home past that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

News flash - some people don't work, and that includes SAHMs whose kids are in school whose spouses provide the income solo. People with trust funds, retirees and people on long term disability etc don't work. It is what it is, but why worry about what they do all day?

I could never relate to someone who chooses not to contribute to society in some way (be it volunteer work, paid work, caring for their young children). I might also have a hard time respecting them. Just my world view on what it means to be an adult.

Define contributing? So, basically they don't live their life how you see it, you reject them. I feel bad for your kids. My parents were like that. I have no relationship with them now. They are very unhappy people and I am happy. I love the freedom of not working. When a family member was ill, I could step in for a year without notice and care for them until I was physically unable and then could be very active in their care in the nursing home. As teens, your kids need you more, not less. You cannot get that time back with them. You are self absorbed not to realize how much older kids need their parents, both parents. Being at home gives my husband the freedom to have that time with our family.

Oh give me a f@cking break. I WAH full-time for the Feds, I see my teens as much as you see yours. I’m home all day.

My husband also doesn’t make me work or not work. He makes 4-times my salary so it’s not necessary, but I love what I do and I also like the retirement/health benefits and extra security.

I get sick of the martyrs acting like their teens can’t wipe their own @sses without helicopter mom helping.

Being involved is not helicoptering and your attitude justifies to you why you aren't involved. If you want to work, work, but you cannot claim you see yours as much as I do if you are working full time even from home but keep telling yourself that.

Okay, Lazy Bones. I only work during school hours.

Are you riding the high school bus and sitting in class with them?

[Anonymous]

I’m at the other end of SAHM. Do SOMETHING, even if its a small business from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was very open that he never wanted a long-term SAHM. He was fine with me taking time off when the kids were young, but he always wanted me to work. We don’t need my income, but he wanted to make sure I could support myself if anything ever happened. His parents married and had kids young. His mom never worked and was dependent on his dad. There were many trying times when he was younger and his mom did not have the skills or education to get a job. He doesn’t want that for his wife. Any other women have husbands who were against them being a SAHM?

Yes, but I think my husband just didn’t want to be the sole income provider. I was miserable at first after going back to work with my first, but now I’m happy I did. To your husbands point, the concept of being dependent on my husband is nerve racking, should something ever happen to him. I have remained somewhat stagnant in my field by choice to balance work and home obligations, but at some point, I will probably “lean in” more heavily. We argue about the balance of work like every couple, but overall, this works for me.