Husband doesn’t want a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the high earner in my household now, and I wouldn't want to support a SAHD.

Amen sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Point is not if you can afford help. Even if you throw money, you are taking a risk if a person who is not bubbling with you provides care for you.

Many people are foregoing the help and doing the work themselves because they value their family members and they can afford to quit their jobs. As a result the burden is falling more and more on women in the family to provide this care. They can no longer outsource childcare, home care, eldercare.

People like you are exhausting. We couldn't afford help and I ended up doing it as my husband out earned me and he had far more growth in his career in terms of money. I don't consider taking care of kids or family a burden nor would I want to outsource it. I did elderly care till I could no longer do it but then was highly involved. It sets a good example to kids on how you want to be treated by how you care for them and others. Enjoy your nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I wish that my husband would weigh in one way or the other on this. He claims that he would like for me to work, and he is supportive of my career, but he doesn't make any real effort to be home on time for me to get to work, take over housework, or manage children. So, basically, he is okay with me working as long as I can get all of the SAHM stuff done. Kind of like Cinderella's stepmother and the ball

[Anonymous]

Just have him get life insurance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have him get life insurance

What about divorce insurance ...never would I give up everything. I’ve seen women who have been out if the workforce since 28, be left high and dry at 48 and have to start at the bottom rung , now 20 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ideally, it should be your choice.

My husband was cool with whatever I wanted to do but privately preferred for me to SAHM. I went back to work for 2 years and then quit when our second was born. And he was super supportive of that decision.

+1

Can husbands choose not to work anymore and the wives just have to go along with it?

Sure why not? If that is what the couple wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

Seriously? 1/4 of woman are quitting the workforce in the USA this year because of COVID and DL for school aged kids.

Women who are working from home due to COVID are quitting because they do not have childcare.

Women who had cleaning ladies and home care aides are quitting their jobs because they cannot outsource these chores.

Our household saw the easiest transition during COVID because I am at home. My kids are teens. While I have to do a lot more because everyone is home and need to be fed thrice a day, and I no longer have my twice a week cleaning lady - my family has had a very easy time. I would say that they are thriving because a lot of stressors are not there because I am at home.

Women are quitting their jobs to clean their house all day

Yes, for sure. I mean eldercare means taking care of the elderly and cleaning their homes. If they live with you it means taking care of them and having someone to clean their space. You know because they poop in their diapers or have pee accidents. Usually people had home care aides and cleaning people.

You sound so much like Hope Hicks, Ivanka and Melania. Eldercare does not mean what you think.

HHA should be covered by the parent's insurance plan.

Bitch, not everyone is the child of Frank Trump and wants their parent to die.

Some people want to protect their family members and not have asymptomatic care providers infect them and make them die.

It's Fred Trump, not Frank!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have him get life insurance

What about divorce insurance ...never would I give up everything. I’ve seen women who have been out if the workforce since 28, be left high and dry at 48 and have to start at the bottom rung , now 20 years later.

If you don’t have a prenup, your husband makes a lot money, you have a lot of marital wealth/assets, and you’ve been SAH for years you should get a substantial divorce settlement. Enough to never work again and maintain the same married lifestyle? Maybe/maybe not, but certainly not destitute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have him get life insurance

What about divorce insurance ...never would I give up everything. I’ve seen women who have been out if the workforce since 28, be left high and dry at 48 and have to start at the bottom rung , now 20 years later.

If you don’t have a prenup, your husband makes a lot money, you have a lot of marital wealth/assets, and you’ve been SAH for years you should get a substantial divorce settlement. Enough to never work again and maintain the same married lifestyle? Maybe/maybe not, but certainly not destitute.

It’s never as good as women think it is...I know so many who took a huge lifestyle hit after the divorce and quite a few that needed to find a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Point is not if you can afford help. Even if you throw money, you are taking a risk if a person who is not bubbling with you provides care for you.

Many people are foregoing the help and doing the work themselves because they value their family members and they can afford to quit their jobs. As a result the burden is falling more and more on women in the family to provide this care. They can no longer outsource childcare, home care, eldercare.

People like you are exhausting. We couldn't afford help and I ended up doing it as my husband out earned me and he had far more growth in his career in terms of money. I don't consider taking care of kids or family a burden nor would I want to outsource it. I did elderly care till I could no longer do it but then was highly involved. It sets a good example to kids on how you want to be treated by how you care for them and others. Enjoy your nursing home.

You are a nut job. What are you arguing? You became a SAHM willingly, but many women are becoming SAHMs now because of the pandemic is preventing them from hiring help. What are you arguing>

[Anonymous]

It’s not an issue bc it’s not what I want for myself, but my husband would not like it. His mom worked and he admired her career, so make of that what you will. I don’t think these are right or wrong answers, you just have to be on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have him get life insurance

What about divorce insurance ...never would I give up everything. I’ve seen women who have been out if the workforce since 28, be left high and dry at 48 and have to start at the bottom rung , now 20 years later.

If you don’t have a prenup, your husband makes a lot money, you have a lot of marital wealth/assets, and you’ve been SAH for years you should get a substantial divorce settlement. Enough to never work again and maintain the same married lifestyle? Maybe/maybe not, but certainly not destitute.

It’s never as good as women think it is...I know so many who took a huge lifestyle hit after the divorce and quite a few that needed to find a job.

Not a forum for people in Trumplandia. DMV has rich well educated SAHMs with no prenups. They are not taking a lifestyle hit. The boogeymen of being left destitute by a cheating husband is not happening here for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a thread about it, but, yes. DH is a junior partner in biglaw and doesn't even want me to downshift (I'm an associate in biglaw). It's obnoxious IMO. We do not need this much income, and so much with the house and kids falls through the cracks.

Before anyone asks, we have an au pair and healthy local grandparents who do a lot.

Can you link the thread you posted?

I wouldn't even know how to find it. The general mood was that he was wrong, but here I still am. I decided, after that thread, to try to get a lower key gov job, but I sure don't have one now.