Husband doesn’t want a SAHM

[Anonymous]

No, my husband was on board with whatever I chose and didn't have an opinion on it one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

News flash - some people don't work, and that includes SAHMs whose kids are in school whose spouses provide the income solo. People with trust funds, retirees and people on long term disability etc don't work. It is what it is, but why worry about what they do all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the high earner in my household now, and I wouldn't want to support a SAHD.

Amen sister.

Amen+

Really?
I am not currently the breadwinner, but DH has been at home in the past for a couple of years, and I really liked it. I would love it if my husband would be a SAHD permanently. We could move to the city where I have the best career options, and we have more family support. I wouldn’t have to stress about being home on time to relieve the nanny. I could travel for conferences and speaking engagements without guilt or worry about leaving my kids with someone they don’t know or burning out my nanny. Sick days, snow days, etc. wouldn’t be an issue. There would be no “second shift.” Being a WOHP with a SAHP backing you up is a great deal.

I am one of the PPs who doesn't want to have a SAHD. None of those benefits are worth the stress of being the sole income earner and never getting a chance to scale back a career. Also, I think there is something to being forced to make both parents figure it out. It is so easy to get distanced from kids because someone else is doing the day to day, and just become the weekend fun parent.

My kids are teens now and I'm really glad we muddled through together when they were younger. We have a close, tight-knit family and our kids have watched us jointly compromise for years. The kids themselves know they also have work around the house and they also pitch in.

I know there are many ways to raise a family and I do not support all the nasty WOHMs who take swipes at SAHMs (or vice versa). We found something that works and worked, and I wouldn't change it. My SAHM friends are wonderful people who have also raised great kids. I want to be totally clear that I am not saying anything anti-SAHM. My only point is that I would not want to support a SAHD.

NP and SAHM here. I have to be honest, if I were you, I'd have the exact same opinion! I'm happy DH is ok with being the solo earner, but I don't think I could handle the stress of that if the roles were reversed. It's absolutely a decision for the couple to make together, whatever they decide.

[Anonymous]

How long is "when the kids are little"? What does long term SAHM mean? Like, you never want to work again in your whole life? You don't even want to work part-time when your kids are in school?

People are answering this thread as if you said that you husband demanded that you go back to work full-time when your babies are 3 months old. That's not what you said. You didn't really explain what he means.

Being a "long term" SAHM (ie having kids and never ever working again for your whole life) is very rare in this country now. I don't think it's a radical stance for your husband to think it's in your best interest to eventually go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is "when the kids are little"? What does long term SAHM mean? Like, you never want to work again in your whole life? You don't even want to work part-time when your kids are in school?

People are answering this thread as if you said that you husband demanded that you go back to work full-time when your babies are 3 months old. That's not what you said. You didn't really explain what he means.

Being a "long term" SAHM (ie having kids and never ever working again for your whole life) is very rare in this country now. I don't think it's a radical stance for your husband to think it's in your best interest to eventually go back to work.

Why does anyone even care if someone wants be a long term sahm? I’m a sahm with school aged kids. My husband earns a ton and I have my own money (family money/savings from several years of working previously). You don’t know what people’s financial situation is, so why do you people care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is "when the kids are little"? What does long term SAHM mean? Like, you never want to work again in your whole life? You don't even want to work part-time when your kids are in school?

People are answering this thread as if you said that you husband demanded that you go back to work full-time when your babies are 3 months old. That's not what you said. You didn't really explain what he means.

Being a "long term" SAHM (ie having kids and never ever working again for your whole life) is very rare in this country now. I don't think it's a radical stance for your husband to think it's in your best interest to eventually go back to work.

Why does anyone even care if someone wants be a long term sahm? I’m a sahm with school aged kids. My husband earns a ton and I have my own money (family money/savings from several years of working previously). You don’t know what people’s financial situation is, so why do you people care?

I guess OP cares the most since she started a thread with the sole purpose of bashing SAHMs under the guise of “anyone else have a husband that doesn’t want them to be a SAHM?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

I am not a SAHM, but I always think this question is so bizarre.

Do you ask people without children what they do all day after they get off work? What do childfree people do from 5pm-11pm? That's six hours a day. Then they have entire days, sometimes multiple days in a row with no work at all. Managing their household can't take up all of their time. They aren't managing, cooking for, or cleaning up after anyone other than themselves. So what do they even do with their time?

You are comparing women sitting at home all day while kids are in school...to, you know, people that worked 8+ hours and then have to go to the gym, do their laundry and cook dinner...and the kids’ dinner and homework. They don’t have the luxury of working out during the day.

I WAH so I at least I make $200k and I’m still home when kids get off the bus. I manage to do everything a SAHM does.

What do you do where you make $200k WAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is "when the kids are little"? What does long term SAHM mean? Like, you never want to work again in your whole life? You don't even want to work part-time when your kids are in school?

People are answering this thread as if you said that you husband demanded that you go back to work full-time when your babies are 3 months old. That's not what you said. You didn't really explain what he means.

Being a "long term" SAHM (ie having kids and never ever working again for your whole life) is very rare in this country now. I don't think it's a radical stance for your husband to think it's in your best interest to eventually go back to work.

Why does anyone even care if someone wants be a long term sahm? I’m a sahm with school aged kids. My husband earns a ton and I have my own money (family money/savings from several years of working previously). You don’t know what people’s financial situation is, so why do you people care?

Because some people are bitter and want to tear down other people to make themselves feel better. Nobody who is truly happy with their situation feels so judgy and critical about others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is "when the kids are little"? What does long term SAHM mean? Like, you never want to work again in your whole life? You don't even want to work part-time when your kids are in school?

People are answering this thread as if you said that you husband demanded that you go back to work full-time when your babies are 3 months old. That's not what you said. You didn't really explain what he means.

Being a "long term" SAHM (ie having kids and never ever working again for your whole life) is very rare in this country now. I don't think it's a radical stance for your husband to think it's in your best interest to eventually go back to work.

Why does anyone even care if someone wants be a long term sahm? I’m a sahm with school aged kids. My husband earns a ton and I have my own money (family money/savings from several years of working previously). You don’t know what people’s financial situation is, so why do you people care?

I guess OP cares the most since she started a thread with the sole purpose of bashing SAHMs under the guise of “anyone else have a husband that doesn’t want them to be a SAHM?”

I don't think OP meant to bash SAHMs with this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is "when the kids are little"? What does long term SAHM mean? Like, you never want to work again in your whole life? You don't even want to work part-time when your kids are in school?

People are answering this thread as if you said that you husband demanded that you go back to work full-time when your babies are 3 months old. That's not what you said. You didn't really explain what he means.

Being a "long term" SAHM (ie having kids and never ever working again for your whole life) is very rare in this country now. I don't think it's a radical stance for your husband to think it's in your best interest to eventually go back to work.

Why does anyone even care if someone wants be a long term sahm? I’m a sahm with school aged kids. My husband earns a ton and I have my own money (family money/savings from several years of working previously). You don’t know what people’s financial situation is, so why do you people care?

I guess OP cares the most since she started a thread with the sole purpose of bashing SAHMs under the guise of “anyone else have a husband that doesn’t want them to be a SAHM?”

I don't think OP meant to bash SAHMs with this thread.

Really? Then why did she start it? She doesn’t want to be a SAHM, her husband doesn’t want her to either...so what is the real “question” that she wanted discussion on?

[Anonymous]

When did OP say she didn't want to be a SAHM? Her post was all about her husband and asking if others' husbands felt the same. Her follow up had to do with her disappointment that people are bashing each other on this thread - again, not saying she wishes she were a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I didn’t want me to SAH until we had kids.... then the benefits became obvious. He’d definitely be happy if I never went back to work - we have plenty of money - but I plan on working part-time at some point so I can transition to full time when the kids are in college.

Btw the competition over who “works more” or who is “lazy” and “doesn’t work” never really made sense to me. By that definition my best friend from college, who is a single mom working two jobs to support her kids with basically zero time for herself, would be the “winner” when the reality is she is explicitly envious of someone in my position who can choose to work or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did OP say she didn't want to be a SAHM? Her post was all about her husband and asking if others' husbands felt the same. Her follow up had to do with her disappointment that people are bashing each other on this thread - again, not saying she wishes she were a SAHM.

They were in agreement in her not being a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

My DH doesn’t want me to be a SAHM. I would love to be one, and he knows this, but he likes the lifestyle having 2 incomes affords. He does his fair share of house/kid stuff so I can’t complain (much).

[Anonymous]

I'm a sahm but I'd of course work if we needed me to and it was possible. Once my kids start school I plan to teach, I've always enjoyed teaching and have certification. Currently home schooling