Husband doesn’t want a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s problematic for anyone to talk about this issue in absolute terms. No matter what your preference may be, you never know what life may throw at you that means your family needs a different solution.

+1 DH and I agreed when dating that we wanted one parent to stay home when we had babies/toddlers. He would have been willing to do it if I didn't want to but I did want to. I also had offers to do freelance work so I could keep a hand in my career while his would have been harder to offramp/onramp. We initially thought I'd go back when youngest was 3 but life was working really well then so we waited until youngest was in K. We're a team and are both willing to be flexible to figure out what works best. When our oldest started middle school we were concerned about him being unsupervised after school so DH worked out an arrangement to WAH 3-4 days/week while I WAH 1 day (I'd been doing that since I'd gone back to FT). As they got older, he shifted to going into the office more often. He'll likely retire before me and take over more of the household jobs. Life is long, if you want a long, happy marriage and family you have to be willing to adapt to what comes along rather than having a preconceived idea of what things have to look like.

[Anonymous]

Ideally, it should be your choice.

My husband was cool with whatever I wanted to do but privately preferred for me to SAHM. I went back to work for 2 years and then quit when our second was born. And he was super supportive of that decision.

[Anonymous]

As a SAHM, I feel appreciated that my DH wants to earn money for our entire family. I would never have kids with a man who needed his wife to work even if he was capable of providing for them. When your HHI is high, the DH wanting his wife to work because otherwise she is a "Freeloader" in his opinion is just a sad and pathetic husband. I could not have children who shared DNA of this kind of man.

Moms can work for three main reasons - to help with the household finances, to find fulfillment in their career, to have their work as an insurance- but, this should be the choice of the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ideally, it should be your choice.

My husband was cool with whatever I wanted to do but privately preferred for me to SAHM. I went back to work for 2 years and then quit when our second was born. And he was super supportive of that decision.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I feel appreciated that my DH wants to earn money for our entire family. I would never have kids with a man who needed his wife to work even if he was capable of providing for them. When your HHI is high, the DH wanting his wife to work because otherwise she is a "Freeloader" in his opinion is just a sad and pathetic husband. I could not have children who shared DNA of this kind of man.

Moms can work for three main reasons - to help with the household finances, to find fulfillment in their career, to have their work as an insurance- but, this should be the choice of the wife.

But sadly your kids share your low IQ. Hopefully your sons find a wife who wants a SAHD because otherwise there isn't much for them to do. Bad genes.

[Anonymous]

I posted a thread about it, but, yes. DH is a junior partner in biglaw and doesn't even want me to downshift (I'm an associate in biglaw). It's obnoxious IMO. We do not need this much income, and so much with the house and kids falls through the cracks.

Before anyone asks, we have an au pair and healthy local grandparents who do a lot.

[Anonymous]

Budget to live off one income, each partner keeps professional options current (networks, credentials, etc.) partners step in and out of careers as needed for kids/layoffs/opportunities etc.

[Anonymous]

I never wanted my wife to be a SAHM but what I wanted was for us to save enough so she had options once we had kids. Over the years she left the corporate world to have her own consulting business which was very successful but gave her the flexibility to do many SAHM things. I wanted whatever was best for her and she really set her own path and things worked out very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I feel appreciated that my DH wants to earn money for our entire family. I would never have kids with a man who needed his wife to work even if he was capable of providing for them. When your HHI is high, the DH wanting his wife to work because otherwise she is a "Freeloader" in his opinion is just a sad and pathetic husband. I could not have children who shared DNA of this kind of man.

Moms can work for three main reasons - to help with the household finances, to find fulfillment in their career, to have their work as an insurance- but, this should be the choice of the wife.

But sadly your kids share your low IQ. Hopefully your sons find a wife who wants a SAHD because otherwise there isn't much for them to do. Bad genes.

Mr. President?

[Anonymous]

Every woman I know wants her own career but if she’s being honest, she also is ants her partner to make enough so she doesn’t have to work if she doesn’t want to or things change.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have and how old are they? Are you currently staying at home and plan to go back soon, or only plan to go back bc DH is wanting you to?

What do YOU want to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ideally, it should be your choice.

My husband was cool with whatever I wanted to do but privately preferred for me to SAHM. I went back to work for 2 years and then quit when our second was born. And he was super supportive of that decision.

+1

Can husbands choose not to work anymore and the wives just have to go along with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was very open that he never wanted a long-term SAHM. He was fine with me taking time off when the kids were young, but he always wanted me to work. We don’t need my income, but he wanted to make sure I could support myself if anything ever happened. His parents married and had kids young. His mom never worked and was dependent on his dad. There were many trying times when he was younger and his mom did not have the skills or education to get a job. He doesn’t want that for his wife. Any other women have husbands who were against them being a SAHM?

Do you have life insurance? If he is concerned I'd get life insurance on him in case he dies early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a thread about it, but, yes. DH is a junior partner in biglaw and doesn't even want me to downshift (I'm an associate in biglaw). It's obnoxious IMO. We do not need this much income, and so much with the house and kids falls through the cracks.

Before anyone asks, we have an au pair and healthy local grandparents who do a lot.

I vote for quality of life. Check on cost of life insurance on your husband. If he has an untimely death you are covered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to marry a freeloader.

Ridiculous.

Most women work harder than men at home. If you think taking care of kids and a house is that easy you do it.

Most men won't help at home if the wife works she does both. Again ridiculous.

Personally I think every woman should work. They need a career in case the partner walks out. And it's way better for the kids. Especially girls. Confidence builder.