Husband doesn’t want a SAHM

[Anonymous]

My husband was very open that he never wanted a long-term SAHM. He was fine with me taking time off when the kids were young, but he always wanted me to work. We don’t need my income, but he wanted to make sure I could support myself if anything ever happened. His parents married and had kids young. His mom never worked and was dependent on his dad. There were many trying times when he was younger and his mom did not have the skills or education to get a job. He doesn’t want that for his wife. Any other women have husbands who were against them being a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

My parents were very against it. My husband was the one who suggested it. We live well under our means, put a priority on paying off the house and have private and work life insurance. We also made sure to put enough away for college for a state school. Worst case I have to go back for spending money but we'd be ok with the house paid off.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if against it is the right word, but I think most men now expect their wives will work, especially after the youngest is in school

[Anonymous]

Yes, but he also wanted me to handle everything at home like his own SAHM did. If I asked him to do something, he acted like it was a failure on my part for not being able to pull it off myself.

The truth is, he did not want the pressure of being a sole provider for the family. I think he also wanted a credentialed and accomplished wife because it reflected well on him; that the DC version of a trophy wife.

Needless to say, I got out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure if against it is the right word, but I think most men now expect their wives will work, especially after the youngest is in school

Not me, we enjoy the freedom of only DH working. He can work from anywhere. Outside of Covid DH would frequently text me on Thursday morning asking if we wanted to go away for the weekend, or week. No trying to find time off, make arrangements etc.

Me being able to get stuff done during the days frees up time in the evenings and on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s problematic for anyone to talk about this issue in absolute terms. No matter what your preference may be, you never know what life may throw at you that means your family needs a different solution.

[Anonymous]

SAHM is not for every husband. My wife worked until we had our third and became a SAHM at that point. I complained about it for over ten years but came around eventually and I think our kids benefited from having mom at home.

You have to have a sufficient income for it to be viable

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants to marry a freeloader.

[Anonymous]

Are you open to his being a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

My experience is that most SAHMs lose a certain degree of mental acuity and independence if they do it too long. I definitely wouldn't my wife to be a SAHM indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted to work and so I did. Once I had kids DH and I both found it hard to juggle and spend the amount of time we wanted with the kids. Both of us were besotted parents and we wanted our kids to get the best. We decided that I would stay at home. DH is a high enough earner, we live very well and have low overheads, we have lots of insurance, college and retirement sorted out.

We found a lot of value in my being a SAHM. Our entire family benefited. I am financially secure and I do not have a pre-nup.

I would never have married my DH if he would have said that he wanted a WOHM or a SAHM. Before and after we were married my DH said that any decision I took regarding my employment would be supported by him. So in some ways it was a traditional marriage because my employment outside the house was optional and dependent on me. He was also open to staying at home if ever I was making more than he was and a parent was needed at home. I married him because he valued how I wanted to feel fulfilled - in the modern role of a working woman, in a traditional role of a home maker or in the realistic role of a married and super educated parent who was making the best decisions with her spouse for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to marry a freeloader.

No one wants to marry an asshole either but sounds like you managed to get a spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to marry a freeloader.

No one wants to marry an asshole either but sounds like you managed to get a spouse

I guess those words hit a little too close to home ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants to marry a freeloader.

No one wants to marry an asshole either but sounds like you managed to get a spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you open to his being a SAHD?

NP here. Whoever makes a lot more money and has a career of greater growth can continue working while the other stays at home. I am cool with it. Most men cannot handle this because their identity is enmeshed with their professional role.

COVID is whipping the ass of a lot of parents now that they cannot outsource domestic chores and childcare. Our household is doing great because of a SAH parent.