Husband doesn’t want a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, there is a lid for every bottle. Some men wants a SAHM wife, some a WOHM, and some want a woman who does not want kids because he has already raised his children from his first marriage. I am sure that everyone is allowed to have their preferences.

I could never be married to a Trump supporter or a racist, and I am not married to one. The beauty of having choice and power over your personal decisions is that you can choose your own spouse.

OP, I am sure your DH is not someone that women are throwing themselves at. He is ordinary and perhaps perfect for you. So enjoy that. Most women don't care what your Joe Shmoe husband wants.

Agree. OP said her DH was open about his preference early on..and she married him and had kids, so she must be ok with it too. If it works for them, great. As long as you are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m at the other end of SAHM. Do SOMETHING, even if its a small business from home.

Why would I need to do that. We are financially secure. Why would I start a business to keep me occupied? That is the worst type of business owner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m at the other end of SAHM. Do SOMETHING, even if its a small business from home.

I too am at the other end of being a SAHM for 15 years and it really hasn't been that difficult transitioning into a post-SAH life with a teen still at home and college students. More difficult than if I stayed working full-time, and I had a few false-starts getting going again, but not impossible. I work part-time, volunteer, and play a sport/run. I don't really know anyone that hasn't been able to find something to do as the kids grow-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m at the other end of SAHM. Do SOMETHING, even if its a small business from home.

Why would I need to do that. We are financially secure. Why would I start a business to keep me occupied? That is the worst type of business owner.

I think this comment is mostly intended for people who would not be financially secure if something were to happen to husband or the marriage. And partially implying that it’s good to have something for yourself outside of your children. Especially if, like OP, you have a partner who is resentful of not working outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s problematic for anyone to talk about this issue in absolute terms. No matter what your preference may be, you never know what life may throw at you that means your family needs a different solution.

I agree. Flexibility and understanding are the key to happiness.

[Anonymous]

I never wanted to depend on a man. We are partners in HH chores and we do more thanks to the fact that I also work. We have wonderful grandmas that helped raising our kids. My husband has never said it, but he did not want a SAHM- his mom and worked until she retired and he admires women who work. So do I. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to depend on a man. We are partners in HH chores and we do more thanks to the fact that I also work. We have wonderful grandmas that helped raising our kids. My husband has never said it, but he did not want a SAHM- his mom and worked until she retired and he admires women who work. So do I. To each their own.

Did she retire just to help you with your kids? Or was everyone just an old mom?

[Anonymous]

Love all the judgie people on here. Work, don’t work, it is all fine by me. Just be a nice, caring, kind, helpful, generous, compassionate and helpful person. Then in my mind you are worth your weight in gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

7:00 am- make breakfast
- feed pets
- do endless loads of laundry
- do dishes
- make snacks
- oversee DL
- do dishes
- more laundry
- make lunch
- schedule home maintenance
- schedule doctor’s appointments
- schedule play dates
- drive kids to socially distanced sports, etc.
- grocery shop
- help with homework
- make dinner
- feed pets
- make sure kids shower, brush teeth, etc.
- 9:00 - read or watch something
- do final load of laundry
- do dinner dishes
- plan meals for next day
- go over schedule for tomorrow
- tend to partner
- pass out

*current sahm after 15+ years of intense work. Ivy League education, multiple degrees. Being a sahm is much, much harder.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My husband is a great guy and we are very happy. We both came from moms who never worked and we both wanted to be financially stable as individuals and a couple. I came on here to see if other couples also had a situation like this. I did not want it to turn into SAHM vs working or bashing men. I feel like these threads get so sidetracked and completely take away from the actual topic that was asked by the OP.

We have two little boys and I stayed home for a year with my first, worked PT until I had my second ( they’re 20 months apart) and then stayed home for a year with my second. I started working PT six months ago. I will probably work PT until they are both in school or have FT childcare. My husband has supported my choice to stay at home and work PT. He can provide for our family on his salary.

It’s nice to be able to hear others who have had similar situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand staying at home when the kids are still little and don't go to school. But once they are elementary school age, what do you do all day?

7:00 am- make breakfast
- feed pets
- do endless loads of laundry
- do dishes
- make snacks
- oversee DL
- do dishes
- more laundry
- make lunch
- schedule home maintenance
- schedule doctor’s appointments
- schedule play dates
- drive kids to socially distanced sports, etc.
- grocery shop
- help with homework
- make dinner
- feed pets
- make sure kids shower, brush teeth, etc.
- 9:00 - read or watch something
- do final load of laundry
- do dinner dishes
- plan meals for next day
- go over schedule for tomorrow
- tend to partner
- pass out

*current sahm after 15+ years of intense work. Ivy League education, multiple degrees. Being a sahm is much, much harder.

Many women do all of those things and work full time. Being at home doing it is manageable...doing it and working full time sucks.