Adult son living with parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should live at home. When I got out of college and started working, all the people I worked with lived at home. I moved out with people I should not have been living with. I did not know them well and could not really afford to live on my own. My dad is crazy and I did not want to stay with him. But if I lived near my mom, I would have stayed at home. He belongs at home. Maybe at some point he may want his own apartment, just make sure it is a nice safe place for him.

So, do you coddle your child forever? Maybe go ahead and raise the grandkids too. Why raise children if you're not going to let them be fully functioning adults? Are you going to attend their evals with them at work?

This has to be one of the most bizarre threads I have seen, and takes helicopter parenting to a whole new level.

With more and more division between low and high income in this country it is becoming more and more common for people to have to live with parents after college and grad school (even highly paid people like op's ds) to get a good financial plan and build wealth in order to have financial stability.

[Anonymous]

I’d see no issue of it was 2-3 years. 7 is way too long.

[Anonymous]

In 3 years he should have plenty of money to afford a 20% downpayment on a condo. 7 years + $400K is absurd. Tell him to stop reading Reddit FIRE forums

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giving your married daughter $350K and then having that kind of control on the ownership is weird. Must be nice but what do you think her husband thinks about this.

It makes sense when you think about the annual gifts they can give them without having to do a gift tax form.

15k from mom to dd
15k from mom to dd's dh
15k from dad to dd
15k from dad to dd's dh
=60k of the home ownership investmemt of 350k given each year

OP here. That's exactly what we did to avoid gift tax. After five years, our daughter and her husband become sole owners of the house.

My husband and I did talk to our son last night. Our son loves to live with us but he also agrees that seven years is probably too long. He thinks seven years is the worst case scenario. He wants to be extremely financially stable before he moves out on his own. He knows how to cook, do laundry, and take care of bills. He also manages his his money very well. He only invests in himself. He spends about $200/month on guitar lessons and another $300 on golf. He still drives the same RAV-4 we bought for him after he graduated from high school. Everything from his pay check goes into investment portfolio that my husband manages for him.

He also plays piano and we have a 100k Steinway grand piano at home that he enjoys playing.

My husband told him he can stay as long as he likes but he should re-evaluate his options every year should he change his mind. One thing he should not change is to have a solid financial footing prior to moving.

Nevertheless, we're just very happy we get to see him everyday...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows how to cook, do laundry, and take care of bills. He also manages his his money very well.

And you know this how? You provide the cooking, cleaning, and bills paying. Your husband manages his investments. I'm not saying that the kids won't be able to figure this stuff out. We all do eventually. But you haven't given him the opportunity to practice this in any way. I believe that you know deep in your heart that you are coddling him. You know that what you are providing him with right now is an extended adolescence and not just paying his rent. He'll be fine, I'm sure, but just admit that you like having him around for a few more years to mother and spoil.

[Anonymous]

I think he is really smart to consider living at home. I do think 7 years is likely too long, but he can really save so much during this time if he is living with you rent free. With that salary he can easily max out his retirement savings immediately, which will do wonders for his retirement when he is older. I also question whether he really needs to go to grad school if he is making that much money straight out of undergrad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knows how to cook, do laundry, and take care of bills. He also manages his his money very well.

And you know this how? You provide the cooking, cleaning, and bills paying. Your husband manages his investments. I'm not saying that the kids won't be able to figure this stuff out. We all do eventually. But you haven't given him the opportunity to practice this in any way. I believe that you know deep in your heart that you are coddling him. You know that what you are providing him with right now is an extended adolescence and not just paying his rent. He'll be fine, I'm sure, but just admit that you like having him around for a few more years to mother and spoil.

This. Knowing how to do the individual tasks is different from knowing how to manage all of the tasks for yourself while also working.

I would definitely never even date someone who could not manage a household on his own. It just leads to a marriage where he thinks his wife is his mommy and should cook and clean for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giving your married daughter $350K and then having that kind of control on the ownership is weird. Must be nice but what do you think her husband thinks about this.

It makes sense when you think about the annual gifts they can give them without having to do a gift tax form.

15k from mom to dd
15k from mom to dd's dh
15k from dad to dd
15k from dad to dd's dh
=60k of the home ownership investmemt of 350k given each year

OP here. That's exactly what we did to avoid gift tax. After five years, our daughter and her husband become sole owners of the house.

My husband and I did talk to our son last night. Our son loves to live with us but he also agrees that seven years is probably too long. He thinks seven years is the worst case scenario. He wants to be extremely financially stable before he moves out on his own. He knows how to cook, do laundry, and take care of bills. He also manages his his money very well. He only invests in himself. He spends about $200/month on guitar lessons and another $300 on golf. He still drives the same RAV-4 we bought for him after he graduated from high school. Everything from his pay check goes into investment portfolio that my husband manages for him.

He also plays piano and we have a 100k Steinway grand piano at home that he enjoys playing.

My husband told him he can stay as long as he likes but he should re-evaluate his options every year should he change his mind. One thing he should not change is to have a solid financial footing prior to moving.

Nevertheless, we're just very happy we get to see him everyday...

That's great. I called it -you have a great son!
Ignore the negative posters, them seem envious of your good fortune to have such a smart, sweet son.

[Anonymous]

This. Knowing how to do the individual tasks is different from knowing how to manage all of the tasks for yourself while also working.

I would definitely never even date someone who could not manage a household on his own. It just leads to a marriage where he thinks his wife is his mommy and should cook and clean for him.

That's the thing! It's great that you are giving him a leg up by providing him with a place to live. It's all the other things that you provide that will stunt him. He needs to learn to be an adult, and that involves more than just cutting a rent check. He won't make a very good spouse or father if he never learns the basics of managing his needs and his home. Give him the opportunity manage his responsibilities! Being a man isn't just about what is in your bank account, but knowing how to take care of the mental and physical labor of a household. Talk to any overwhelmed mom who has a husband who contributes little to the household besides a paycheck. The relationship forum is filled with complaints from wives who handle the lion's share of home responsibilities. What you are giving him is only part of what he needs to become a functional adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This. Knowing how to do the individual tasks is different from knowing how to manage all of the tasks for yourself while also working.

I would definitely never even date someone who could not manage a household on his own. It just leads to a marriage where he thinks his wife is his mommy and should cook and clean for him.

That's the thing! It's great that you are giving him a leg up by providing him with a place to live. It's all the other things that you provide that will stunt him. He needs to learn to be an adult, and that involves more than just cutting a rent check. He won't make a very good spouse or father if he never learns the basics of managing his needs and his home. Give him the opportunity manage his responsibilities! Being a man isn't just about what is in your bank account, but knowing how to take care of the mental and physical labor of a household. Talk to any overwhelmed mom who has a husband who contributes little to the household besides a paycheck. The relationship forum is filled with complaints from wives who handle the lion's share of home responsibilities. What you are giving him is only part of what he needs to become a functional adult.

Yes. Dealing with roommates. Dealing with landlords. Making decisions and living with the consequences. Not being able to fully focus on his career is the point! He needs to learn to excel at work while also handling the boring realities of life in a capable and efficient manner. You cannot be his Mommy, secretary, concierge, cleaning lady, and chef forever. Bright and successful women are not interested in catering to a husband the way you are catering to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 22 years old son recently graduated from college with a 95k computer science job. He would like to live with us for at least 7 years so that he can save all of his income on buying a house and for international travel. Is this a good idea? Is it going to be a red flag for potential spouse?

7 years!?!?

How stunting. This is his idea? And he doesn’t think there are real downsides to this and his personal growth or social life?

Is he fixated on saving money?

Buying a house is like a shackle to an area. Not the end all be all goal as a single guy under age 30. Save and invest wisely, adapt, grow and progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giving your married daughter $350K and then having that kind of control on the ownership is weird. Must be nice but what do you think her husband thinks about this.

It makes sense when you think about the annual gifts they can give them without having to do a gift tax form.

15k from mom to dd
15k from mom to dd's dh
15k from dad to dd
15k from dad to dd's dh
=60k of the home ownership investmemt of 350k given each year

OP here. That's exactly what we did to avoid gift tax. After five years, our daughter and her husband become sole owners of the house.

My husband and I did talk to our son last night. Our son loves to live with us but he also agrees that seven years is probably too long. He thinks seven years is the worst case scenario. He wants to be extremely financially stable before he moves out on his own. He knows how to cook, do laundry, and take care of bills. He also manages his his money very well. He only invests in himself. He spends about $200/month on guitar lessons and another $300 on golf. He still drives the same RAV-4 we bought for him after he graduated from high school. Everything from his pay check goes into investment portfolio that my husband manages for him.

He also plays piano and we have a 100k Steinway grand piano at home that he enjoys playing.

My husband told him he can stay as long as he likes but he should re-evaluate his options every year should he change his mind. One thing he should not change is to have a solid financial footing prior to moving.

Nevertheless, we're just very happy we get to see him everyday...

That's not how gift tax works.

[Anonymous]

Op, I don’t understand why 400k is the threshold. Many people start their lives s d do well with significantly less of a cushion. He can save 100-150k and move out just fine. Waiting 7 hrs for 400 seems like an unnecessary stretch .

Do people not believe in starter homes anymore? DH started w condo, then townhouse, and only got SFH 7 yrs into our marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have more than enough ourselves so he does not have to pay for anything. We still have about $150k in the bank for his graduate school. His goal is to have at least 400k in the bank before he strikes out on his own. We love him but 7 years is also too long for us.

Why don’t you offer to pay his rent? It can be a room vs a whole apartment

[Anonymous]

Old thread…no update from OP…let it die.