Adult son living with parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a good son OP. Be happy.

No. Her son is smart enough to keep milking the cow. Good, no. Good people go off on their own, make good de usons and bad, and experience life. At best, her son will be a kind hearted douche bag who doesn't know better. At worst, an arrogant POS who doesn't understand that he was born with a silver spoon and give every advantage in life, who posts about how his immigrant parents did it with nothing and craps on the AA community.

+1

Obnoxious PPs. What is wrong with you? You don't know her son.
He is young, 22. Yes, is a good son and smart.
I bet he is a sweet kid too.

Hi OP/sock puppet! I bet OP’s son went to a $50k/yr college and lived at it. Not doing THAT would’ve been “smart.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a few years to start a cushion for a house. I’m kind of stunned he wants to live with you so he can have money to travel. That is a luxury.

$95k- also, this is a lot of money. He can live lean for many years, like the majority of college grads, and be in a mighty fine place in 10 years, and without living with you.

Anyway, he can move out and into a townhouse with two others and pay $750 a month in rent. He can eat low cost meals. He can travel frugally locally, and wait to travel internationally until he’s in his late twenties, or out off the down payment for a few more years he he wants to prioritize travel.

95k first year salary out of college is a 1% outcome for college graduates. Most working adults with decades of experience don't make 95k and that's in the corporate sector.

Someone making 95k in tech out of college likely isn't going to need to go to grad school.

If I were OP (and also assuming this is a real situation because I cannot imagine any healthy competent 22 year old male asking to live at home for 7 years when he makes 95k a year, and why something so specific as 7 years?) I'd allow son to live at home for two years max, to save the money for his down, and then help him with a hefty down out of the grad school savings because by that point it'll be clear enough to the son whether he wants to go to grad school or not.

There won't be any real international travel for another year so consider 2020-2021 a wash and an excuse to save extensively.

But I don't think this is a real story.

[Anonymous]

I have never understood this but living with my parents as a young adult would have been awful because they would have hovered and been all in my work and financial business plus dating would have been hard to navigate as staying out late or all night would have led to arguments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood this but living with my parents as a young adult would have been awful because they would have hovered and been all in my work and financial business plus dating would have been hard to navigate as staying out late or all night would have led to arguments.

He has 2000+ sqft apartment with a separate entrance and maid service twice a week? How is that an issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood this but living with my parents as a young adult would have been awful because they would have hovered and been all in my work and financial business plus dating would have been hard to navigate as staying out late or all night would have led to arguments.

He has 2000+ sqft apartment with a separate entrance and maid service twice a week? How is that an issue?

You're seriously asking why that is an issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a good son OP. Be happy.

No. Her son is smart enough to keep milking the cow. Good, no. Good people go off on their own, make good de usons and bad, and experience life. At best, her son will be a kind hearted douche bag who doesn't know better. At worst, an arrogant POS who doesn't understand that he was born with a silver spoon and give every advantage in life, who posts about how his immigrant parents did it with nothing and craps on the AA community.

+1

Obnoxious PPs. What is wrong with you? You don't know her son.
He is young, 22. Yes, is a good son and smart.
I bet he is a sweet kid too.

You don't know her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think he should get married by age 29?

Regardless, I would not agree to seven years. Tell him he can live with you for now, and if it's not working out you'll give him a month or two of notice he has to go. That's the best you can offer him. But I'd make it clear he needs to clean up after himself and contribute to the household in terms of cooking for the family, doing errands, etc.

+1

I think this second paragraph is wholly reasonable advice. It allows some living with you but sets clear boundaries that seem to coincide with your wishes. If he won’t accept this (I hope he will graciously) it is his choice, he can get his own place now.

[Anonymous]

Told us kids 2-3 years in ok. 7 years too long. Your son is a greedy loser. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Were you going to sell your house when you moved to Korea for a few years? Or rent it out? Maybe it would be better for him to be there, living in the basement to watch over it.

I think you should have included that you are a Korean American family in the OP. I married in to an Asian American family and a lot of things are just very different. If your ds's friends are also Asian American then what is normal for his peer group may be different that what posters here are thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you give your daughter 150,000? (Kudos to her for showing some independence!)

OP here. My daughter and her husband are both teachers for FCPS. My husband and I gave them 350K to make a down payment on a 525K house and they have a 175K home mortgage. My husband and I own part of the house but each year our ownership of the house becomes less and less until it becomes zero after seven years. After seven years, my daughter and her husband will be the sole owner of the house.

We gave our oldest son 150K because he already saved up 300K and he preferred a smaller home and no mortgage. My daughter is my husband favorite child and both my sons are very aware of this and they have no issues with that. They are very close to each other.

Both my oldest son and daughters also travel around the world extensively before settling down. The difference is that my oldest son used his own money and we gave our daughter money to travel. The young brother seems to follow his brother's footstep but he plans on staying with us longer so that he can save even more money and help out his sister who does not make as much money as he does. I love having him around but seven years is quite a long time for us. My husband and I are thinking about living in Korea in the next five years.

I am Korean and my husband is white. His girlfriend's father is American Indian and the mother is white. GF is also majoring in education so it might have influenced his decision to stay with us longer.

Bolded is worrying when taken together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you give your daughter 150,000? (Kudos to her for showing some independence!)

OP here. My daughter and her husband are both teachers for FCPS. My husband and I gave them 350K to make a down payment on a 525K house and they have a 175K home mortgage. My husband and I own part of the house but each year our ownership of the house becomes less and less until it becomes zero after seven years. After seven years, my daughter and her husband will be the sole owner of the house.

We gave our oldest son 150K because he already saved up 300K and he preferred a smaller home and no mortgage. My daughter is my husband favorite child and both my sons are very aware of this and they have no issues with that. They are very close to each other.

Both my oldest son and daughters also travel around the world extensively before settling down. The difference is that my oldest son used his own money and we gave our daughter money to travel. The young brother seems to follow his brother's footstep but he plans on staying with us longer so that he can save even more money and help out his sister who does not make as much money as he does. I love having him around but seven years is quite a long time for us. My husband and I are thinking about living in Korea in the next five years.

I am Korean and my husband is white. His girlfriend's father is American Indian and the mother is white. GF is also majoring in education so it might have influenced his decision to stay with us longer.

Bolded is worrying when taken together.

Do you not really know many Asian American families? Guess what we are just like other families. My dh and I don't talk about favorites but perhaps she just used that phrasing because people were accusing her of not giving equal financial gifts to her dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood this but living with my parents as a young adult would have been awful because they would have hovered and been all in my work and financial business plus dating would have been hard to navigate as staying out late or all night would have led to arguments.

He has 2000+ sqft apartment with a separate entrance and maid service twice a week? How is that an issue?

You're seriously asking why that is an issue?

You have to read the comment the person is replying to and not just the response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a good son OP. Be happy.

No. Her son is smart enough to keep milking the cow. Good, no. Good people go off on their own, make good de usons and bad, and experience life. At best, her son will be a kind hearted douche bag who doesn't know better. At worst, an arrogant POS who doesn't understand that he was born with a silver spoon and give every advantage in life, who posts about how his immigrant parents did it with nothing and craps on the AA community.

+1

Obnoxious PPs. What is wrong with you? You don't know her son.
He is young, 22. Yes, is a good son and smart.
I bet he is a sweet kid too.

Hi OP/sock puppet! I bet OP’s son went to a $50k/yr college and lived at it. Not doing THAT would’ve been “smart.”

I'm not OP. Just because you don't like my post doesn't mean I'm OP.
You can check with moderator for my IP if you like - I'm not in the U.S. OP probably is.
Do you judgemental things in real life or just on the internet?

[Anonymous]

We have the same situation but our college grad is sharing an apt, paying bills, etc and working a lesser job until one in their field opens up. We would love to have them home for a year. Mine will inherit a lot. Aren’t you worried he doesn’t WANT to strike out on his own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a good son OP. Be happy.

No. Her son is smart enough to keep milking the cow. Good, no. Good people go off on their own, make good de usons and bad, and experience life. At best, her son will be a kind hearted douche bag who doesn't know better. At worst, an arrogant POS who doesn't understand that he was born with a silver spoon and give every advantage in life, who posts about how his immigrant parents did it with nothing and craps on the AA community.

+1

Obnoxious PPs. What is wrong with you? You don't know her son.
He is young, 22. Yes, is a good son and smart.
I bet he is a sweet kid too.

Hi OP/sock puppet! I bet OP’s son went to a $50k/yr college and lived at it. Not doing THAT would’ve been “smart.”

I'm not OP. Just because you don't like my post doesn't mean I'm OP.
You can check with moderator for my IP if you like - I'm not in the U.S. OP probably is.
*Do you say judgemental things in real life or just on the internet?