Adult son living with parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 22 years old son recently graduated from college with a 95k computer science job. He would like to live with us for at least 7 years so that he can save all of his income on buying a house and for international travel. Is this a good idea? Is it going to be a red flag for potential spouse?

OH hell no. A grown ass man with a grown ass salary doesn't live at home. He's graduated from college and has a job, time to be an adult. Seriously, how is he going to learn the basics of adult life living at home? Honestly, I'd be embarrassed if I was you.

The basics of adult life like...unnecessarily paying rent to a landlord when he could save for his future instead? (Like the majority of people on the earth do.) God bless America.

OP: flip the pitch and ask yourself how you'd want your son to react if you needed to move in with him if/when you need elder-care later in life.

I think planning ahead for 7 years is also unnecessary, take it a few months at a time and see how it goes. Multiple generations who can live under one roof is a blessing not to be unappreciated.

[Anonymous]

Are you okay with this or will you have an issue with it after a certain amount of time?

That is really the question, and only you know the answer. There is no right or wrong here, and you need to be honest, not attacking, in your answer.

[Anonymous]

Make him grow up. 1 year max.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the modern world. Very, very common these days to move back home until almost 30 in order to pay off student loans and save for a home.

Boomers and even GenX parents need to quit thinking it is 1991 or the early 00s. Cost of living and prices for owning a place have exploded to unaffordable levels. Even with a 95k job it might not be a lot when you're paying $2000 per mo in rent these days. You want it to take 30 years just to save for a down payment?

[Anonymous]

I'd say set a shorter timeline and then everyone reconsiders after that. 7 years is a long time. If your son has really never lived outside the dorms (and thus has no real concept of budgeting), I'd want to go over his savings quarterly to ensure he really is saving. You don't want to find out in 7 years he doesn't have that down payment. I'd also be really thoughtful about what you want him to do around the house. If he's a good kid, pitching in won't be an issue, but laying out expectations up front will help everyone. Do NOT do his laundry.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I actually lived at home while making 90k for a couple years. If you decide to let him do this, you should make him pay 2k in rent into a savings account for yourself. Every month he has to show you a printout of the bank account statement rather than pay you rent.

Seven years is too long. I say one year, then he has to move away for another couple years at least, and then if he wants to when he is around twenty six or twenty seven he can move back in for another six months or so while he looks for a place to buy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He can stay with us as long he want but I don’t want it to hinder his social life. We have a 7000 sqft home and he lives in the 2500 sqft basement with a master bedroom, full kitchen, two full bath and a separate entrance so he can invite anyone over at anytime. We have cleaning people come over and clean the whole house twice a week and do laundry.

He pays us for cell phone bill and car insurance but we take that money and invest with the intention to give it back to him when he leaves. He is very financially responsible because his father taught him well about money. He doesn’t want to live on his own until he has at least 400k in the bank. I still think 7 years is too long. I think I can live with 4 years. Hopefully he will invest his money right and get to 400k in that time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I also forgot to add that he automatically deposits $2250 every two weeks into an investment account that his father manages the account for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the modern world. Very, very common these days to move back home until almost 30 in order to pay off student loans and save for a home.

Boomers and even GenX parents need to quit thinking it is 1991 or the early 00s. Cost of living and prices for owning a place have exploded to unaffordable levels. Even with a 95k job it might not be a lot when you're paying $2000 per mo in rent these days. You want it to take 30 years just to save for a down payment?

How about you help him with the down payment, then? An adult needs to learn how to live on their own. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He can stay with us as long he want but I don’t want it to hinder his social life. We have a 7000 sqft home and he lives in the 2500 sqft basement with a master bedroom, full kitchen, two full bath and a separate entrance so he can invite anyone over at anytime. We have cleaning people come over and clean the whole house twice a week and do laundry.

He pays us for cell phone bill and car insurance but we take that money and invest with the intention to give it back to him when he leaves. He is very financially responsible because his father taught him well about money. He doesn’t want to live on his own until he has at least 400k in the bank. I still think 7 years is too long. I think I can live with 4 years. Hopefully he will invest his money right and get to 400k in that time.

How is he going to learn how to be an adult? He won't have to clean or do his laundry? This thread makes me think that 2 years of mandatory military service isn't such a bad idea. How else are folks going to learn how to be adults.

Before the age of 30, you should have learned how to: rent an apartment or house, clean said apartment, do you laundry (bonus points if you have to go to a laundromat), make compromises between wants and needs, etc. Living in your parent's 2500 square foot basement with laundry and cleaning service teaches you nothing.

[Anonymous]

I think it's odd and a definite red flag that he has stated " 7 years", "at least 7 years."

My guess is he doesn't like what he could actually afford. And what would be appropriate. He'd rather live in the cushy suburbs. He'd rather live a lifestyle that he has not yet achieved. That shows a lack of humility. He would have a more complete maturation in his twenties IF he was more comfortable with himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I also forgot to add that he automatically deposits $2250 every two weeks into an investment account that his father manages the account for him.

You have an overgrown child. Doesn't live independently, doesn't budget independently, doesn't manage his own money. Set him free, let him make some mistakes, allow for growth as a human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I also forgot to add that he automatically deposits $2250 every two weeks into an investment account that his father manages the account for him.

You have an overgrown child. Doesn't live independently, doesn't budget independently, doesn't manage his own money. Set him free, let him make some mistakes, allow for growth as a human being.

I’m not against moving back home to save money, but every time you post it becomes clearer and clearer why this is a bad idea for your family. Your son needs to clean his own apartment and do his own laundry. He needs to be responsible for his own bills. Right now he’s living like a 17 year old. At 22 that’s not the end of the world but if he’s like that at 29??? That’s really stunted.

He’s never getting married. There are zero grandchildren in your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the modern world. Very, very common these days to move back home until almost 30 in order to pay off student loans and save for a home.

Boomers and even GenX parents need to quit thinking it is 1991 or the early 00s. Cost of living and prices for owning a place have exploded to unaffordable levels. Even with a 95k job it might not be a lot when you're paying $2000 per mo in rent these days. You want it to take 30 years just to save for a down payment?

Oh please. I’m a homeowner and raise a family of five on that salary. Give me a freaking break.

[Anonymous]

Since you have a basement apartment he needs to clean his own space, do his own laundry, buy his own groceries. If you really want to, you can surprise him with some help for a down payment. But let him learn to be an adult. Doing his laundry and cleaning doesn't teach him how to be an adult (and yes, you are doing those things for him if you're paying someone else to do them).