Adult son living with parents

[Anonymous]

If it doesn’t work for you, say no. It’s just that simple. And I agree with PPs that he needs to develop his ability to be in his own, budget, pay for things, etc. Don’t let him live with you rent-free, in any event.

Why 7 years? That seems so specific. And yes, that’s going to hurt his dating life unless maybe he’s living in a separate apartment attached to your house. I don’t mean any offense, but is he a need or a virgin? Otherwise, what’s his own vision for how the dating pool will view him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn’t work for you, say no. It’s just that simple. And I agree with PPs that he needs to develop his ability to be in his own, budget, pay for things, etc. Don’t let him live with you rent-free, in any event.

Why 7 years? That seems so specific. And yes, that’s going to hurt his dating life unless maybe he’s living in a separate apartment attached to your house. I don’t mean any offense, but is he a need or a virgin? Otherwise, what’s his own vision for how the dating pool will view him?

🙄 He already has a girlfriend. And he has a full apartment in his parents house. He is basically set in a well paying job. He does not even have to clean his apartment because mom has a cleaning service.

She just does not want him for 7 years because eldest son left after 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Op, his relationship with money and his engagement in familial relationships is what you have modelled for him.
He is following in your footsteps.

If you are done with cooking for him and packing his tiffin... You need to speak up. He already has a girlfriend and want to travel internationally...things that your other kids do not do. You are right in thinking that he learned some lessons well from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 22 years old son recently graduated from college with a 95k computer science job. He would like to live with us for at least 7 years so that he can save all of his income on buying a house and for international travel. Is this a good idea? Is it going to be a red flag for potential spouse?

Auntie, don't worry. Only red flag for potential spouse will happen if he breaks off with the sophomore. Then he will look like maa ka laadla.

[Anonymous]

I know a 40 yr old living with his parents. Once upon a time he had a girlfriend but mom did not like her because she was outearning everyone.

It can go either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is weird. Is there no virtue in being an independent adult, on your own anymore?

Nope. The virtue is in not being in debt or broke. Virtue is in being able to afford a SAH spouse so that kids are looked after. Virtue is in having familial support. Virtue is in giving a leg up to your kids. Virtue is in being fiscally responsible and safeguarding your family. Virtue is in not being White but still creating advantages for your children by being frugal and smart about money, education and network..

I am predicting that this is an Indian-American kid and lives in Potomac or Arlington. He will continue to date and travel and save money. He will get his girlfriends home because he has a separate apartment.
His sophomore girlfriend is another Asian -American. She does not want to get married to a broke person. She wants to live in Bethesda for the schools. She is pre-med. It will take her 7 more years to become a doctor.

lol

[Anonymous]

Wait, so he is 22 and is girlfriend is 19? That’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so he is 22 and is girlfriend is 19? That’s weird.

What crazy neighborhood do you live in that you think this is weird?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s different in a 7500 sq ft house, but I lived at home my first year of college and while I appreciated saving money during my degree, I bolted as fast as I could!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so he is 22 and is girlfriend is 19? That’s weird.

What crazy neighborhood do you live in that you think this is weird?

DP. My kids are 19 and 22 and in my mind they might as well be a decade apart. It must just be their personalities. It would be so odd if one of them dated each other’s friend.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a helpless mama’s boy, firmly attached to Mommy’s apron strings. Sooo sexy....not. Many, many women will swipe left on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have more than enough ourselves so he does not have to pay for anything. We still have about $150k in the bank for his graduate school. His goal is to have at least 400k in the bank before he strikes out on his own. We love him but 7 years is also too long for us.

Too long. 25 would be a cut off for me as much as i love mine. They need to be out on their own, making their own decisions. Yes, this will hurt his dating after that point for sure. Mommy & daddy and dates, uh no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a helpless mama’s boy, firmly attached to Mommy’s apron strings. Sooo sexy....not. Many, many women will swipe left on this.

This is a "Money and Finances" forum. It should have been in "Family Relationship" forum. The issue is not that it makes financial sense or not. Saving money does. The issue for Mommy is how will prospective "spouses" view him? He will be viewed as pretty undesirable by majority of women, but there will still be plenty of women who will marry him - so don't worry, Auntie. Also, there is also that Matchmaker on the Netflix show, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a helpless mama’s boy, firmly attached to Mommy’s apron strings. Sooo sexy....not. Many, many women will swipe left on this.

This is a "Money and Finances" forum. It should have been in "Family Relationship" forum. The issue is not that it makes financial sense or not. Saving money does. The issue for Mommy is how will prospective "spouses" view him? He will be viewed as pretty undesirable by majority of women, but there will still be plenty of women who will marry him - so don't worry, Auntie. Also, there is also that Matchmaker on the Netflix show, right?

He should’ve saved money on college. People on here worship “the college experience” and then end up in situations like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the modern world. Very, very common these days to move back home until almost 30 in order to pay off student loans and save for a home.

Boomers and even GenX parents need to quit thinking it is 1991 or the early 00s. Cost of living and prices for owning a place have exploded to unaffordable levels. Even with a 95k job it might not be a lot when you're paying $2000 per mo in rent these days. You want it to take 30 years just to save for a down payment?

Ridiculous. This GenXer got out of college on a $24,000 teacher salary and shared a house with three other roommates. A kid just out of college does not need a $2000 apartment. He can be independent from his parents and still save money, but he wants to live the full Richie Rich lifestyle without any sacrifice or work.