When is the most impactful age to SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think ensuring that your 10-17 year old kids aren’t alone and unoccupied for the hours of 3-5 is pretty important. That’s when 95% of the drugs, shoplifting, vandalizing, and sex happen. So either SAH or sign your kids up for sports.

Judging by my 10 yo he is more likely to sit glued to his computer screen... not ideal but better than what you listed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age/stage do you think it makes the most impact on your child's development to have you as a full-time caregiver? Let's say you could only do so for a couple of years, would it be when they are a baby? Toddler? Preschool age?

My mother stayed home with me until kindergarten. My siblings were school age when I was born, so I had her to myself for 6 years. It was lovely and I remember the fun mom from that time -- doing art projects, going for walks and swims, etc . I could have that sweet version of my mom more during my middle school and high school years when life got tough and confusing and I had no one to talk to. Instead I got the cranky, stressed-out mom in the evenings and the rushed, "I can't be late to my meetings again because you overslept and aren't ready for school!" mom in the mornings. She's retired now and once again as sweet as pie.

I SAH full-time for the first 5 years for my son and now WFH. I hope that will continue until my son is done w/school, because I want to be present and available if he needs me.

That sounds like your mom’s crappy job and/or her relationship with that job, not a general thing for working moms. I never think about work when not at work and my stress level is lower when I work because I like my colleagues/work environment.

NP I enjoy my job too, but my stress level would definitely be lower if I didn’t have to work! All things equal, less responsibility = less stress!

That being said, not working wouldn’t be the right answer for me since I like using my brain analytically, etc. But I definitely have more stress in my life because of it.

I guess if you don't outsource anything now you wouldn't have any additional responsibility, but I know if I didn't work outside the house (or inside the house now, ha!), I wouldn't have a maid, gardener, etc. I would do those things myself because I was at home and also because we'd be down one salary. Obviously it varies from person to person, but I would think a lot of people actually have the same amount of stress, even though it's of a different kind, if they are at home with their kids.

We have a 2x/month housecleaner and I would never stop that unless we were on the brink of poverty. We also have a FT nanny/housekeeper and I guess I would replace her if I were to SAH. But still, it’s a lot less stressful to worry about dishes and laundry than it is to worry about delivering on work commitments, office politics, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just hear to ask where are alllll of these full time jobs that everyone seems to have That are so flexible they can be HOME by 3:30-3:45(pre-covid)? I consider my job pretty darn flexible and if I needed to I could maybe leave at 3:30 but how does one work a full work day, commute and be home by 3:30 every single day? I’m just surprised by how many said this because I know very few moms with this schedule unless they work part time. Maybe many that was the case and they didn’t mention it.

Mom who has worked in trade associations most of my career... 6 figures, flexible 37.5 hour week.

What was your job title specifically? I’m really curious because I’ve never seen a 6 figure job that takes less than 40 hours. I may need a career change!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ensuring that your 10-17 year old kids aren’t alone and unoccupied for the hours of 3-5 is pretty important. That’s when 95% of the drugs, shoplifting, vandalizing, and sex happen. So either SAH or sign your kids up for sports.

Judging by my 10 yo he is more likely to sit glued to his computer screen... not ideal but better than what you listed.

Yeah, PP clearly doesn’t know kids these days. They’re not shoplifting and vandalizing and having sex, they all have social anxiety and are engrossed in Minecraft and Tik Tok videos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ensuring that your 10-17 year old kids aren’t alone and unoccupied for the hours of 3-5 is pretty important. That’s when 95% of the drugs, shoplifting, vandalizing, and sex happen. So either SAH or sign your kids up for sports.

Judging by my 10 yo he is more likely to sit glued to his computer screen... not ideal but better than what you listed.

Porn, sexting etc.

Worst is that the kids get catfished. Some person pretending to be a girl or boy of their age group will send them a video of them undressing or masturbating and ask them to send the same. When they do...a) they get blackmailed forever, b) they are victim of revenge porn and c) their video is sold to some Russian mafia person running it on a server in Moscow for pay-per-view pleasure of pedophiles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just hear to ask where are alllll of these full time jobs that everyone seems to have That are so flexible they can be HOME by 3:30-3:45(pre-covid)? I consider my job pretty darn flexible and if I needed to I could maybe leave at 3:30 but how does one work a full work day, commute and be home by 3:30 every single day? I’m just surprised by how many said this because I know very few moms with this schedule unless they work part time. Maybe many that was the case and they didn’t mention it.

I made the choice to become a freelance consultant after my daughter was born which allows me to work completely flexible hours. I can easily schedule my calls/meetings between 9am and 3pm, which is also when I do most of my work. I get in the rest of my work while my child is at classes in the afternoon/evening, or after bedtime, or in the early morning, or on the weekends when my husband spends one-on-one time with our daughter. Most weeks I bill 40 hours, and probably work closer to 55 when you factor in the admin I have to do for my business. But it's almost entirely on my own schedule.

I do probably take a hit in my income over staying in-house, but not much. It was the best move I ever made, even though the first two years were incredibly hard financially while I built up my client base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age/stage do you think it makes the most impact on your child's development to have you as a full-time caregiver? Let's say you could only do so for a couple of years, would it be when they are a baby? Toddler? Preschool age?

My mother stayed home with me until kindergarten. My siblings were school age when I was born, so I had her to myself for 6 years. It was lovely and I remember the fun mom from that time -- doing art projects, going for walks and swims, etc . I could have that sweet version of my mom more during my middle school and high school years when life got tough and confusing and I had no one to talk to. Instead I got the cranky, stressed-out mom in the evenings and the rushed, "I can't be late to my meetings again because you overslept and aren't ready for school!" mom in the mornings. She's retired now and once again as sweet as pie.

I SAH full-time for the first 5 years for my son and now WFH. I hope that will continue until my son is done w/school, because I want to be present and available if he needs me.

That sounds like your mom’s crappy job and/or her relationship with that job, not a general thing for working moms. I never think about work when not at work and my stress level is lower when I work because I like my colleagues/work environment.

NP I enjoy my job too, but my stress level would definitely be lower if I didn’t have to work! All things equal, less responsibility = less stress!

That being said, not working wouldn’t be the right answer for me since I like using my brain analytically, etc. But I definitely have more stress in my life because of it.

I guess if you don't outsource anything now you wouldn't have any additional responsibility, but I know if I didn't work outside the house (or inside the house now, ha!), I wouldn't have a maid, gardener, etc. I would do those things myself because I was at home and also because we'd be down one salary. Obviously it varies from person to person, but I would think a lot of people actually have the same amount of stress, even though it's of a different kind, if they are at home with their kids.

We have a 2x/month housecleaner and I would never stop that unless we were on the brink of poverty. We also have a FT nanny/housekeeper and I guess I would replace her if I were to SAH. But still, it’s a lot less stressful to worry about dishes and laundry than it is to worry about delivering on work commitments, office politics, etc.

I used to have a 2x/week house cleaner. Still donating to her but she is not coming to clean for us. Never had a nanny or housekeeper. I made do with my cleaning lady doing chores for me once a week - chopping vegetables, decluttering, organizing, cleaning fridge etc. SAHM of many years. Yes, dishes and laundry are nothing to worry about. School, EC activities and other stuff is though something to worry about and plan - at least in our house. I am sure delivering on work commitments, office politics etc is very hard though.

[Anonymous]

Kids need you more Upper ES & MS then when very young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age/stage do you think it makes the most impact on your child's development to have you as a full-time caregiver? Let's say you could only do so for a couple of years, would it be when they are a baby? Toddler? Preschool age?

My mother stayed home with me until kindergarten. My siblings were school age when I was born, so I had her to myself for 6 years. It was lovely and I remember the fun mom from that time -- doing art projects, going for walks and swims, etc . I could have that sweet version of my mom more during my middle school and high school years when life got tough and confusing and I had no one to talk to. Instead I got the cranky, stressed-out mom in the evenings and the rushed, "I can't be late to my meetings again because you overslept and aren't ready for school!" mom in the mornings. She's retired now and once again as sweet as pie.

I SAH full-time for the first 5 years for my son and now WFH. I hope that will continue until my son is done w/school, because I want to be present and available if he needs me.

That sounds like your mom’s crappy job and/or her relationship with that job, not a general thing for working moms. I never think about work when not at work and my stress level is lower when I work because I like my colleagues/work environment.

NP I enjoy my job too, but my stress level would definitely be lower if I didn’t have to work! All things equal, less responsibility = less stress!

That being said, not working wouldn’t be the right answer for me since I like using my brain analytically, etc. But I definitely have more stress in my life because of it.

I guess if you don't outsource anything now you wouldn't have any additional responsibility, but I know if I didn't work outside the house (or inside the house now, ha!), I wouldn't have a maid, gardener, etc. I would do those things myself because I was at home and also because we'd be down one salary. Obviously it varies from person to person, but I would think a lot of people actually have the same amount of stress, even though it's of a different kind, if they are at home with their kids.

We have a 2x/month housecleaner and I would never stop that unless we were on the brink of poverty. We also have a FT nanny/housekeeper and I guess I would replace her if I were to SAH. But still, it’s a lot less stressful to worry about dishes and laundry than it is to worry about delivering on work commitments, office politics, etc.

I used to have a 2x/week house cleaner. Still donating to her but she is not coming to clean for us. Never had a nanny or housekeeper. I made do with my cleaning lady doing chores for me once a week - chopping vegetables, decluttering, organizing, cleaning fridge etc. SAHM of many years. Yes, dishes and laundry are nothing to worry about. School, EC activities and other stuff is though something to worry about and plan - at least in our house. I am sure delivering on work commitments, office politics etc is very hard though.

Exactly - that’s like your whole life. Imagine if you had to deal with job responsibilities on top of that. Your head would explode!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age/stage do you think it makes the most impact on your child's development to have you as a full-time caregiver? Let's say you could only do so for a couple of years, would it be when they are a baby? Toddler? Preschool age?

My mother stayed home with me until kindergarten. My siblings were school age when I was born, so I had her to myself for 6 years. It was lovely and I remember the fun mom from that time -- doing art projects, going for walks and swims, etc . I could have that sweet version of my mom more during my middle school and high school years when life got tough and confusing and I had no one to talk to. Instead I got the cranky, stressed-out mom in the evenings and the rushed, "I can't be late to my meetings again because you overslept and aren't ready for school!" mom in the mornings. She's retired now and once again as sweet as pie.

I SAH full-time for the first 5 years for my son and now WFH. I hope that will continue until my son is done w/school, because I want to be present and available if he needs me.

That sounds like your mom’s crappy job and/or her relationship with that job, not a general thing for working moms. I never think about work when not at work and my stress level is lower when I work because I like my colleagues/work environment.

NP I enjoy my job too, but my stress level would definitely be lower if I didn’t have to work! All things equal, less responsibility = less stress!

That being said, not working wouldn’t be the right answer for me since I like using my brain analytically, etc. But I definitely have more stress in my life because of it.

I guess if you don't outsource anything now you wouldn't have any additional responsibility, but I know if I didn't work outside the house (or inside the house now, ha!), I wouldn't have a maid, gardener, etc. I would do those things myself because I was at home and also because we'd be down one salary. Obviously it varies from person to person, but I would think a lot of people actually have the same amount of stress, even though it's of a different kind, if they are at home with their kids.

We have a 2x/month housecleaner and I would never stop that unless we were on the brink of poverty. We also have a FT nanny/housekeeper and I guess I would replace her if I were to SAH. But still, it’s a lot less stressful to worry about dishes and laundry than it is to worry about delivering on work commitments, office politics, etc.

I used to have a 2x/week house cleaner. Still donating to her but she is not coming to clean for us. Never had a nanny or housekeeper. I made do with my cleaning lady doing chores for me once a week - chopping vegetables, decluttering, organizing, cleaning fridge etc. SAHM of many years. Yes, dishes and laundry are nothing to worry about. School, EC activities and other stuff is though something to worry about and plan - at least in our house. I am sure delivering on work commitments, office politics etc is very hard though.

Exactly - that’s like your whole life. Imagine if you had to deal with job responsibilities on top of that. Your head would explode!

Don’t be mean. Her post was fine and acknowledged that working in addition would be hard.

[Anonymous]

0-3ish and then middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age/stage do you think it makes the most impact on your child's development to have you as a full-time caregiver? Let's say you could only do so for a couple of years, would it be when they are a baby? Toddler? Preschool age?

My mother stayed home with me until kindergarten. My siblings were school age when I was born, so I had her to myself for 6 years. It was lovely and I remember the fun mom from that time -- doing art projects, going for walks and swims, etc . I could have that sweet version of my mom more during my middle school and high school years when life got tough and confusing and I had no one to talk to. Instead I got the cranky, stressed-out mom in the evenings and the rushed, "I can't be late to my meetings again because you overslept and aren't ready for school!" mom in the mornings. She's retired now and once again as sweet as pie.

I SAH full-time for the first 5 years for my son and now WFH. I hope that will continue until my son is done w/school, because I want to be present and available if he needs me.

That sounds like your mom’s crappy job and/or her relationship with that job, not a general thing for working moms. I never think about work when not at work and my stress level is lower when I work because I like my colleagues/work environment.

NP I enjoy my job too, but my stress level would definitely be lower if I didn’t have to work! All things equal, less responsibility = less stress!

That being said, not working wouldn’t be the right answer for me since I like using my brain analytically, etc. But I definitely have more stress in my life because of it.

I guess if you don't outsource anything now you wouldn't have any additional responsibility, but I know if I didn't work outside the house (or inside the house now, ha!), I wouldn't have a maid, gardener, etc. I would do those things myself because I was at home and also because we'd be down one salary. Obviously it varies from person to person, but I would think a lot of people actually have the same amount of stress, even though it's of a different kind, if they are at home with their kids.

There is a huge lifestyle difference if you are outsourcing. We don't outsource anything except absolutely necessary. We gave up as by the time we find someone to do a basic repair we might as well do it ourselves.

I’d consider a repair something different than outsourcing cleaning and gardening, for example. So I don’t think you understood my point.

[Anonymous]

The benefits of being a SAHM are to the parents, not the child’s development. It is more for convenience/scheduling/flexibility which can be incompatible with work expectations in American culture.
Not judging, because a parent’s mental health is very important to raising children, and if staying home is what you need to do, then that’s totally OK. But recognize it’s for you and not to give your child some developments edge.

With that said, considering that the purpose is primarily for convenience, the school age years are definitely the hardest on working parents scheduling-wise. I’m in the thick of it now so I don’t know when it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ensuring that your 10-17 year old kids aren’t alone and unoccupied for the hours of 3-5 is pretty important. That’s when 95% of the drugs, shoplifting, vandalizing, and sex happen. So either SAH or sign your kids up for sports.

Judging by my 10 yo he is more likely to sit glued to his computer screen... not ideal but better than what you listed.

Um, not actually. I think I’d rather my teen be fooling around with a boyfriend than getting hooked on messed up porn, ending any chance of a healthy sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ensuring that your 10-17 year old kids aren’t alone and unoccupied for the hours of 3-5 is pretty important. That’s when 95% of the drugs, shoplifting, vandalizing, and sex happen. So either SAH or sign your kids up for sports.

Judging by my 10 yo he is more likely to sit glued to his computer screen... not ideal but better than what you listed.

Um, not actually. I think I’d rather my teen be fooling around with a boyfriend than getting hooked on messed up porn, ending any chance of a healthy sexuality.

Then you better make sure it’s safe sex unless you want to be hooked on 18 years of raising another kid or hooked on a lifetime of HIV meds.