When is the most impactful age to SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Interesting responses about what the mom’s favorite age was or how important those special memories are for the moms.
I can say this from experience that my favorite memories are not the same as those times my kids needed me most.

[Anonymous]

The discussion seems to have shifted from "what's most impactful on development" to "what do kids remember most." Those are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The discussion seems to have shifted from "what's most impactful on development" to "what do kids remember most." Those are not the same thing.

It’s now “what moms remember most” or “mom’s favorite moments”.

[Anonymous]

The thing is that there is no "most impactful" kids always need their parents. They need them in different ways at different times, none of which is predictable. Sadly you cannot create some magic equation that will make your kids secure and happy and fulfilled. You just have to do the best you can.

[Anonymous]

I think middle and high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is that there is no "most impactful" kids always need their parents. They need them in different ways at different times, none of which is predictable. Sadly you cannot create some magic equation that will make your kids secure and happy and fulfilled. You just have to do the best you can.

Thing is, a LOT of those times are predicable and it’s not ironclad that it’s the “parents” who are needed.
But I agree that we do the best we can.

[Anonymous]

Young Teenager years by a long shot. It’s when they need you the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young Teenager years by a long shot. It’s when they need you the most.

Or just work a flex job so you are home when they are.

[Anonymous]

0 to 3 IF you are an engaged and involved parent. 80% of the child’s brain is formed in this time period. If you aren’t the type to narrate, play, read, sing and talk to your child, find someone else who will and choose the early teen years to be more involved.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM with a middle schooler — and I agree, 0-3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young Teenager years by a long shot. It’s when they need you the most.

I'm a SAHM but I don't think this is the right answer if your child is serious about an extracurricular. My young teen is a dancer and (in non covid times anyway) I barely saw her after school on weekdays. She always went right to dance. Same for my sons who are super into sports, and I imagine if you have a teen into robotics, orchestra or drama the circumstances would be the same. We do most of our catching up on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting responses about what the mom’s favorite age was or how important those special memories are for the moms.
I can say this from experience that my favorite memories are not the same as those times my kids needed me most.

OP was unclear what she meant. Impactful to the mom or the kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young Teenager years by a long shot. It’s when they need you the most.

I'm a SAHM but I don't think this is the right answer if your child is serious about an extracurricular. My young teen is a dancer and (in non covid times anyway) I barely saw her after school on weekdays. She always went right to dance. Same for my sons who are super into sports, and I imagine if you have a teen into robotics, orchestra or drama the circumstances would be the same. We do most of our catching up on weekends.

True, but even still, I liked being the parent who regularly drove to and from all of that stuff. When it was just me and the kid, that’s when they REALLY opened up. Some of our best talks ever — that I still remember even tho they’re in college now — happened during car rides to ECs. I remember reading somewhere (maybe here?) that that lack of eye contact/facing each other directly makes it feel less “threatening” and they’re more likely to chat. Certainly true in our case. And then when it was a group of kids (friends or teammates), you just hear so many interesting little tidbits and it’s a great way to get to know the kids your child is spending most of their waking hours with. I think they forget you’re in the driver’s seat and can hear everything they say, LOL!

(FWIW, I was never actually a SAHM — just extremely lucky to have a job where I could almost always leave the office by 3:30. I know not everyone’s job allows for that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my personal experiences, as a parent, I'd never want to miss the first moments the kids come off the bus or in the door from school or big event.

THIS. I was fortunate enough to have a flexible job that allowed me to be home every afternoon at 3:45, but if that weren’t the case I definitely would have quit and stayed home during those years. So, so important.

Your viewpoint is shaped by your particular experience, though. It was important for your families, but that's just not always or universally the case. I have been both SAHM and WOHM and for my kids (who are all teens now), that after school time wasn't the most important time for them. They needed time to decompress and the conversation at that time was never really the time they wanted to interact much. What was important was being accessible when that particular child wanted to open up. For one kid, that was at night, in bed, with low lights. I moved that kid's bedtime earlier just to accommodate the desire to talk. For another kid, it was car time. It really varied (but was never just after school).

The point is that I think people get fixated on this after school time in what feels like kind of a weird way. I think many people tend to think their particular experience is what everyone experiences. That's just not the case.

[Anonymous]

I loved having a stay at home mom from -- what? 2? -- until she went back to work part time when I was 10. I HATED coming home from school to an empty house. Would have been fine had she waited til i was in junior high/middle school at 12.