When is the most impactful age to SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Full stay at home from 0-5 and then flex for elementary and middle school. I've seen way too many videos of stressed out daycare workers doing all sorts of awful things to little kids and the young ones aren't even able to tell you if anything happened. If you have the resources to have either a grandparent or a full-time nanny, that's great, but otherwise it's best to stay home with your child during that time.

Oh boy.

I actually agree though not for the same reasons.
Years 0-3 are formative, 4-5 are pleasant.
Being flex in elem and middle you can provide more downtime and better quality extracurriculars, have energy to get to know your child, and some relevance by keeping the job.

+1

And if someone is saying “oh boy” to wanting to be with their NEWBORN...then I’m going to give a bigger “oh boy” for a parent stepping aside from their work to suddenly SAH for a middle schooler! It makes no sense! Just to drive them around to practices and “play dates”?

I was saying “oh boy” that pp doesn’t trust daycares

Guess you didn’t catch the recent thread from the mother whose kid was abused at a center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age/stage do you think it makes the most impact on your child's development to have you as a full-time caregiver? Let's say you could only do so for a couple of years, would it be when they are a baby? Toddler? Preschool age?

Teen years. Without a doubt. Hands down.

[Anonymous]

Ms/hs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ensuring that your 10-17 year old kids aren’t alone and unoccupied for the hours of 3-5 is pretty important. That’s when 95% of the drugs, shoplifting, vandalizing, and sex happen. So either SAH or sign your kids up for sports.

Judging by my 10 yo he is more likely to sit glued to his computer screen... not ideal but better than what you listed.

And it could easily shift soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The benefits of being a SAHM are to the parents, not the child’s development. It is more for convenience/scheduling/flexibility which can be incompatible with work expectations in American culture.
Not judging, because a parent’s mental health is very important to raising children, and if staying home is what you need to do, then that’s totally OK. But recognize it’s for you and not to give your child some developments edge.

With that said, considering that the purpose is primarily for convenience, the school age years are definitely the hardest on working parents scheduling-wise. I’m in the thick of it now so I don’t know when it gets better.

Disagree, both of my parents worked. I was basically a latch key kid. When I was younger I was bored, and then as I got older, started getting into a lot of trouble. I was depressed and had anxiety due to having to deal with some situations that should have been dealt with by my parents. My husband's mom was SAHM and his experience was completely different. He always had someone waiting for him at home with a snack, someone to talk to, someone to attend all of his school events, etc. There was a lot of stability in his life. Having a parent that's always there makes a big difference, especially when it comes to the middle school years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The benefits of being a SAHM are to the parents, not the child’s development. It is more for convenience/scheduling/flexibility which can be incompatible with work expectations in American culture.
Not judging, because a parent’s mental health is very important to raising children, and if staying home is what you need to do, then that’s totally OK. But recognize it’s for you and not to give your child some developments edge.

With that said, considering that the purpose is primarily for convenience, the school age years are definitely the hardest on working parents scheduling-wise. I’m in the thick of it now so I don’t know when it gets better.

Disagree, both of my parents worked. I was basically a latch key kid. When I was younger I was bored, and then as I got older, started getting into a lot of trouble. I was depressed and had anxiety due to having to deal with some situations that should have been dealt with by my parents. My husband's mom was SAHM and his experience was completely different. He always had someone waiting for him at home with a snack, someone to talk to, someone to attend all of his school events, etc. There was a lot of stability in his life. Having a parent that's always there makes a big difference, especially when it comes to the middle school years.

I'm not invalidating your two experiences, but my parents both worked and I was never a latchkey kid. Both parents drove me to school, my mom generally picked me up but sometimes it was my dad. We had family dinners together every night. Weekends were family time. I was never bored and never had to deal with something that wasn't appropriate for my age. My sister-in-law is a SAHM and her kids basically fend for themselves. She doesn't keep house, cook, do laundry, and the kids are definitely doing things that my husband and I would never let our kids do (things we think are inappropriate for their ages). My point is simply that "working" looks different for a lot of parents and "staying home" looks different, too. So I don't think you can say that one situation is absolutely better than the other.

[Anonymous]

I think it is when your children become most vulnerable to outside influences likely grades 5-10. I once ran a substance abuse non profit that focused on families and grades 5-10 were the most at risk. What was sad was the number of parents whose kids were struggling simply denied it until it was too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is when your children become most vulnerable to outside influences likely grades 5-10. I once ran a substance abuse non profit that focused on families and grades 5-10 were the most at risk. What was sad was the number of parents whose kids were struggling simply denied it until it was too late.

Kids need parental attention and engagement during these ages, for sure. That doesn't translate to a full-time stay at home parent, necessarily, since kids this age are in school, many have sports, etc. (at least before COVID). But I completely agree that parents can't check out as their kids get older, as many of them seem to. I think parents need maximum flexibility across the age groups, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The benefits of being a SAHM are to the parents, not the child’s development. It is more for convenience/scheduling/flexibility which can be incompatible with work expectations in American culture.
Not judging, because a parent’s mental health is very important to raising children, and if staying home is what you need to do, then that’s totally OK. But recognize it’s for you and not to give your child some developments edge.

With that said, considering that the purpose is primarily for convenience, the school age years are definitely the hardest on working parents scheduling-wise. I’m in the thick of it now so I don’t know when it gets better.

Disagree, both of my parents worked. I was basically a latch key kid. When I was younger I was bored, and then as I got older, started getting into a lot of trouble. I was depressed and had anxiety due to having to deal with some situations that should have been dealt with by my parents. My husband's mom was SAHM and his experience was completely different. He always had someone waiting for him at home with a snack, someone to talk to, someone to attend all of his school events, etc. There was a lot of stability in his life. Having a parent that's always there makes a big difference, especially when it comes to the middle school years.

You can work and be there for your kids when they get home, especially if they do activities. All the companies I have worked for have had core hours that ended at 3:30. The bus doesn't even get to my neighborhood until around 4:30.

[Anonymous]

My kids go to a school that is a couple blocks from where I work (so if there's a school event or emergency I just pop on over), and my hours are such that I can pick them up right when they get out of school, so I am always "there" for them. DH works in the same area as well and handles drop off.

[Anonymous]

0-3 are the most important for development hands down

Once they are in school that extra 2 hours isn't really that much of a big deal. That assumes you aren't working 50+ hours a week and can actually engage in the evenings and on weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:0-3 are the most important for development hands down

Once they are in school that extra 2 hours isn't really that much of a big deal. That assumes you aren't working 50+ hours a week and can actually engage in the evenings and on weekends

We had live in nannies when all of our kids were ages 0-3 and they developed beautifully. When they were all in school and we didn’t have the nanny was when challenges began because they were outside the family/nanny orbit. In the end they did fine but the tween years were challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:0-3 are the most important for development hands down

Once they are in school that extra 2 hours isn't really that much of a big deal. That assumes you aren't working 50+ hours a week and can actually engage in the evenings and on weekends

I'm not arguing with this point that development during those years is crucial, but that doesn't mean those years also need a SAHM, they just need an engaged caregiver.