Resentful that ILs only want to help DH’s son and not mine

[Anonymous]

On the positive side your son can go to college anywhere and he is not restricted to going to the "family college."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

I was referring to a LOT of PPs who seem to think it perfectly fine for a stepgrandparent not to care about a step grandchild.

I don't think not funding someone's college education equals not showing any affection, but when they openly fund the other grandchild's education without any kind of acknowledgement that it creates an uncomfortable situation for this kid's stepmom and stepbrother... They should have discussed it with the family. That's what a loving, functional family does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

I was referring to a LOT of PPs who seem to think it perfectly fine for a stepgrandparent not to care about a step grandchild.

I don't think not funding someone's college education equals not showing any affection, but when they openly fund the other grandchild's education without any kind of acknowledgement that it creates an uncomfortable situation for this kid's stepmom and stepbrother... They should have discussed it with the family. That's what a loving, functional family does.

He's not their other grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

I was referring to a LOT of PPs who seem to think it perfectly fine for a stepgrandparent not to care about a step grandchild.

I don't think not funding someone's college education equals not showing any affection, but when they openly fund the other grandchild's education without any kind of acknowledgement that it creates an uncomfortable situation for this kid's stepmom and stepbrother... They should have discussed it with the family. That's what a loving, functional family does.

I honestly think having that discussion would be more awkward.

[Anonymous]

Hasn't the mom been saving for her child's education? Just go to a cheaper school !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s a family tradition in DH’s family to educate the kids in a particular college.. My son and stepson are the same age and grew up together for most of their lives. However, my ILs say they will cover tuition for their own grandson without any mention of doing something for his stepbrother. I find this unfair and inappropriate as if to sow discord between the two of them. How should I approach this with them?

So what is your question?

Answer: You are owed nothing in this life, especially if you think you are.

[Anonymous]

You are out of line

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP's son by another man is as obnoxious as OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

I was referring to a LOT of PPs who seem to think it perfectly fine for a stepgrandparent not to care about a step grandchild.

I don't think not funding someone's college education equals not showing any affection, but when they openly fund the other grandchild's education without any kind of acknowledgement that it creates an uncomfortable situation for this kid's stepmom and stepbrother... They should have discussed it with the family. That's what a loving, functional family does.

He's not their other grandchild.

If you are typical of how blended families think and talk about each other, then no wonder divorce is so traumatizing on kids.

Many of these posters are advocating second class citizenship between young siblings, within households. That to me is tragic and twisted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

I was referring to a LOT of PPs who seem to think it perfectly fine for a stepgrandparent not to care about a step grandchild.

I don't think not funding someone's college education equals not showing any affection, but when they openly fund the other grandchild's education without any kind of acknowledgement that it creates an uncomfortable situation for this kid's stepmom and stepbrother... They should have discussed it with the family. That's what a loving, functional family does.

He's not their other grandchild.

If you are typical of how blended families think and talk about each other, then no wonder divorce is so traumatizing on kids.

Many of these posters are advocating second class citizenship between young siblings, within households. That to me is tragic and twisted.

I am my grandma‘s stepchild. While my (bio) grandfather was alive, she was very involved in my life. After he died, she weirdly started calling their (bio) grandchildren the “legitimate“ grandchildren. I think it’s likely in order to prepare us for receiving nothing after her death. I‘m not mad about it. I loved my grandfather (and her) and don‘t begrudge her taking care of “her own“. It’s practically a Darwinian law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am my grandma‘s stepchild. While my (bio) grandfather was alive, she was very involved in my life. After he died, she weirdly started calling their (bio) grandchildren the “legitimate“ grandchildren. I think it’s likely in order to prepare us for receiving nothing after her death. I‘m not mad about it. I loved my grandfather (and her) and don‘t begrudge her taking care of “her own“. It’s practically a Darwinian law.

You are an exceptionally evolved human being. Kudos to you! Seriously, you're pretty great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our house there would be a shouting match over this

You could shout until you were blue but I get to spend my money on whom I choose as do OP's in-laws. They owe zero to her son by another man.

Do many step grandparents truly feel this way?

NP but yes. Step parents should love the kids, but why should step grandparents? The kid still has 4 grandparents.

OP have you approached the bio Dad's parents to fund the child's education? It seems odd that your son has 4 deceased grandparents.

The lack of compassion and life experience on here is astounding. Of course a kid can have 4 deceased grandparents. I had 3 deceased grandparents before I was born, and the one remaining had Alzheimer's. There was certainly no money to go to any grandkids in any meaningful amount. It's not a matter of "caring enough" to save for a grandkids education-- not everyone has the privilege of grandparents, let alone grandparents that can leave an inheritance.

I think it is especially cruel that people think it is perfectly fine for a grandparent not to show any kind of affection for a stepchild-- especially one that has been a part of the family from a young age.

Uhhh. Since when does not funding someone‘s college education = not showing any kind of affection?

She refers to her son as HER son, not her and her DH’s son. Of course her MIL also sees that distinction.

I was referring to a LOT of PPs who seem to think it perfectly fine for a stepgrandparent not to care about a step grandchild.

I don't think not funding someone's college education equals not showing any affection, but when they openly fund the other grandchild's education without any kind of acknowledgement that it creates an uncomfortable situation for this kid's stepmom and stepbrother... They should have discussed it with the family. That's what a loving, functional family does.

He's not their other grandchild.

If you are typical of how blended families think and talk about each other, then no wonder divorce is so traumatizing on kids.

Many of these posters are advocating second class citizenship between young siblings, within households. That to me is tragic and twisted.

The grandparents didn’t choose a single mom for a DIL.

[Anonymous]

Financially you are probably much better off for having had your husband and his parents in your life for all of these years. Look up and count your blessings. You and your husband should pool your resources for your son. If he has a problem with that then you know all you will ever need to know about your future and value to and with him. Otherwise let this go. Families are funny, it’s quite possible that they don’t really view your son as “real” family as the blood isn’t shared and your son has a different father. (Some view adoption differently, if you and your husband had both chosen to adopt a child who was otherwise “parentless” then it would be cruel to leave that child out).

Presumably your child does have another family that includes a
Parent, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. He does have “blood family” to help. It is they who should be giving to your son. If they are not a part of yours son’s life then something went wrong along the way. That isn’t the GP’s fault

Do not dwell on it. Just set your feelings aside as best as you can and move forward.