Resentful that ILs only want to help DH’s son and not mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just refuse the financial help and you guys can pay for both sons' tuition.

NP. I would resent my wife if she asked to forego money like that just for the sake of appearances!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

You choose to marry your stepson’s dad and become a stepmother.

While it would be pleasant if they have chosen to treat your son exactly like their grandson, they made no such commitment. Did your husband adopt your son? That would change it. If your husband legally adopted your son, then they should definitely make more of an effort to treat them equally. But if not, it’s reasonable for them to assume that the relationship is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

Your husband is disinterested in his stepson’s future? Lady, THAT is what you need to be posting about. Forget the grandparents. They have no obligation to your child. But your spouse? That’s a whole different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

What would this look like exactly? A big fat check with your name on it? Oh wait, that’s what they just gave you in the form of your stepson’s tuition.

It is seriously out of line for you to expect full funding of college tuition for a “step-grandchild”. I’m not even sure that’s really a thing.

[Anonymous]

Look at it this way. You and your husband are facing huge tuition payments. Your in laws offered to halve that. They are giving YOU a tremendous gift. Thank them profusely and move on.

[Anonymous]

I think its fair. You and Dad can pay for your son. Its not their responsibility. It would be nice but your child has their parents.

[Anonymous]

Lol. My parents paid over $100,000 for my brother's education and he couldn't even finish his BS.

They contributed exactly $0 to my education.

We are full blood siblings.

Shit happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

File for child support and stop complaining. Its about their grandchild. You being an adult in a home has nothing to do with paying for college.

[Anonymous]

Do you have money saved for college? If your il’s pay for one kid, you can use the rest of your savings for the other child. I don’t think this is as bad as you’re trying to frame it as.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

Poor choice in partners is not your in-law's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s a family tradition in DH’s family to educate the kids in a particular college.. My son and stepson are the same age and grew up together for most of their lives. However, my ILs say they will cover tuition for their own grandson without any mention of doing something for his stepbrother. I find this unfair and inappropriate as if to sow discord between the two of them. How should I approach this with them?

They owe your son nothing. Your baggage is not their problem, nor their family.

[Anonymous]

You don't approach it with them - ever. If you wanted some of your son's education paid for then you should have started saving towards it years ago. Has this ever been discussed with your husband?

[Anonymous]

OP, you can choose to be hurt and resentful about this, or you can accept the gift and realize that freeing up some of your college tuition burden and would ultimately help both boys.

[Anonymous]

Go to a cheaper college. I paid my own undergrad and grad school -- twice (2 Masters) .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. My parents paid over $100,000 for my brother's education and he couldn't even finish his BS.

They contributed exactly $0 to my education.

We are full blood siblings.

Shit happens.

Can you please explain why your parents did such a shitty thing? What’s your relationship with them like now?

OP, are you a troll?