Resentful that ILs only want to help DH’s son and not mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that step grandparents have no obligation to pay step grandson’s tuition.

But, I can’t believe that in 11 pages, no one has raised the implications for financial aid for OP’s biological son.

OP, you need to consult someone who specializes in college financial aid. If you and DH live in one household with both boys and they will be in college at overlapping times, it may substantially affect the financial aid one or both of the boys could receive absent any grandparent contribution to one of them.

OTOH, being able to apply to [/b]a very small percentage of colleges[b] as a full pay student provides a significant boost in the likelihood of getting accepted to college. If your DH’s son doesn’t have above the 25th percentile in grades and test scores of admitted students, he may actually need to NOT get financial aid and buy his way in to family college with Grandparents money.

Please consult a qualified college admissions counselor and financial aid specialist.

Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense but I am a step grandparent and I want to offer a few reasons as to why those in my position choose NOT to extend any financial help to step grandchildren. First, there really is nothing in it for step grandparents emotionally to invest in their step grandchildren. It’s no different than donating to charity because this could be any persons child. Second, the return on investment is also nil, financially speaking. With your own grandchildren, you see upward mobility or continued success and can feel proud of it. With step grandchildren, it doesn’t carry through future generations. There are people who do try to treat everyone equally but it just creates resentment to put on a facade. Hope this helps OP.

Presumably your son or daughter loves this child. The child is part of the family your child is building.

Until they divorce and the stepparent never sees the kid again.

I don’t know any adults who care for step grandparents. There is nothing it for those grandparents.

Wow, transactional even in your own family. Stunning

No divorce in my extended family. Sorry yours doesn’t value children as highly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hard reading this thread as my kids have a friend who has been treated horribly by the adults in his life. I met kids mom when our kids were in es. She had an affair, divorced, and remarried an asshat. Her husband made it clear "he is not going to raise or support another man's child". In the house this kid lives in, their younger sibling gets everything - every toy child wants, new clothes, every sport kid want to try. Older kid gets nothing. Older kid had to find ways to fund everything. I know all 4 parents involved and they are some of the most selfish assholes I've ever met. Mom to kid is so happy she landed the guy she was having an affair with, she doesn't care if he hates her kid. This kid is a straight A student who works hard at everything. Her ex has mental issues and has no money. The kid is on his own in a family that has everything. It is one of the most disgusting situations I've ever seen. Step dad has a kid the same age as this kid. That kid's mom and the dad are both very well off. This kid gets everything he wants and physically abuses the other kid and steals from him. The dad looks away. My kids stopped going to their house for playdates because of this.

I think the grandparents who agree with this crap raised the asshole my friend married.

I also know a family like this. One woman I worked with had a kid and married another man and had another kid. Woman's first kid was around age 19 and working
a grocery store job. Mom wanted to spend $40 on a Christmas present for first kid. Step dad did not want any of their marital money going at all to first kid.
Mother was crushed and told me the story at work. To some extant I believe some of this is the fault of the mother for not making a good marriage choice.

OP, prior to marriage with your husband did you discuss college plans and funding for your son and college plans and funding for DH's son?
This really should be discussed prior to marriage so if DH does not want to fund your kid you can start your own college fund for DS.

[Anonymous]

I bet grandparents are old money, and the OP married into the family hoping for better life for her and her son.
What kind of self-respect person would expect step grandparents to pay for step son's college education.
OP would probably throws a fit when she finds out there's no inheritance for her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard reading this thread as my kids have a friend who has been treated horribly by the adults in his life. I met kids mom when our kids were in es. She had an affair, divorced, and remarried an asshat. Her husband made it clear "he is not going to raise or support another man's child". In the house this kid lives in, their younger sibling gets everything - every toy child wants, new clothes, every sport kid want to try. Older kid gets nothing. Older kid had to find ways to fund everything. I know all 4 parents involved and they are some of the most selfish assholes I've ever met. Mom to kid is so happy she landed the guy she was having an affair with, she doesn't care if he hates her kid. This kid is a straight A student who works hard at everything. Her ex has mental issues and has no money. The kid is on his own in a family that has everything. It is one of the most disgusting situations I've ever seen. Step dad has a kid the same age as this kid. That kid's mom and the dad are both very well off. This kid gets everything he wants and physically abuses the other kid and steals from him. The dad looks away. My kids stopped going to their house for playdates because of this.

I think the grandparents who agree with this crap raised the asshole my friend married.

I also know a family like this. One woman I worked with had a kid and married another man and had another kid. Woman's first kid was around age 19 and working
a grocery store job. Mom wanted to spend $40 on a Christmas present for first kid. Step dad did not want any of their marital money going at all to first kid.
Mother was crushed and told me the story at work. To some extant I believe some of this is the fault of the mother for not making a good marriage choice.

OP, prior to marriage with your husband did you discuss college plans and funding for your son and college plans and funding for DH's son?
This really should be discussed prior to marriage so if DH does not want to fund your kid you can start your own college fund for DS.

I’m with the woman’s DH on this one. If she wants to get her own son a present, she can pay for it using her own money.

[Anonymous]

This is why I could never ever have step children.

I am 100% certain that I would treat all the children equally. Imagine me splitting my time and resources equally raising all the children. Then the grandparents decide to make a clear distinction to create unnecessary resentment between them. Why not just help with tuition generally? They are trash.

Your husband is a piece of shit if he does not understand why this is so wrong to you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet grandparents are old money, and the OP married into the family hoping for better life for her and her son.
What kind of self-respect person would expect step grandparents to pay for step son's college education.
OP would probably throws a fit when she finds out there's no inheritance for her son.

I hope the father and grandparents did not accept all the hours OP spent mothering their grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

Your husband is disinterested in his stepson’s future? Lady, THAT is what you need to be posting about. Forget the grandparents. They have no obligation to your child. But your spouse? That’s a whole different story.

How long have you both even been married?

Either way they know their son and his faults.

[Anonymous]

Is there a prenup? If not, sign parent plus loans marital debts is his too