Resentful that ILs only want to help DH’s son and not mine

[Anonymous]

Title says it all. It’s a family tradition in DH’s family to educate the kids in a particular college.. My son and stepson are the same age and grew up together for most of their lives. However, my ILs say they will cover tuition for their own grandson without any mention of doing something for his stepbrother. I find this unfair and inappropriate as if to sow discord between the two of them. How should I approach this with them?

[Anonymous]

OMG you don't. It could conceivably be nice if they offered, but they didn't. It's not your money, and it's not your son's money. Take the money that you and DH would have spent on your stepson's tuition and apply the whole amount to your son.

If you want to hit someone up for tuition assistance, ask your family or or son's bio father's family.

[Anonymous]

What does your husband say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG you don't. It could conceivably be nice if they offered, but they didn't. It's not your money, and it's not your son's money. Take the money that you and DH would have spent on your stepson's tuition and apply the whole amount to your son.

If you want to hit someone up for tuition assistance, ask your family or or son's bio father's family.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG you don't. It could conceivably be nice if they offered, but they didn't. It's not your money, and it's not your son's money. Take the money that you and DH would have spent on your stepson's tuition and apply the whole amount to your son.

If you want to hit someone up for tuition assistance, ask your family or or son's bio father's family.

+1

+1. No obligation whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

They don’t want to get in the way of his maternal and paternal grandparents who may have plans to pay for his tuition. It would come off as stealing their thunder. You should thank them for being so considerate of your parents and the parents of your child’s father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s a family tradition in DH’s family to educate the kids in a particular college.. My son and stepson are the same age and grew up together for most of their lives. However, my ILs say they will cover tuition for their own grandson without any mention of doing something for his stepbrother. I find this unfair and inappropriate as if to sow discord between the two of them. How should I approach this with them?

Doesn’t your son have a whole other set of grandparents? Do you expect those grandparents to equally treat your stepson as well?

This is absurd. It will cause exactly as much discord as you create. The correct answer is for you to say “thank you so very much!” appreciate how much more money you now have to spend on your son.

[Anonymous]

You can be gracious and say that while you appreciate the offer, it would be problematic to treat the two brothers differently, so you will sort it out on your own with both of them.

Or you could accept the money with a grateful thank-you, and use it to offset the money you will spend toward the other young man's tuition.

Those are your options.

[Anonymous]

Does the stepson even want to go where they want him to? You and DH can always say "thanks but no thanks".

[Anonymous]

It’s a huge ask to ask grandparents to pay for their step grandkids college education. That’s just very tight all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a huge ask to ask grandparents to pay for their step grandkids college education. That’s just very tight all of you.

Auto correct. I said entitled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG you don't. It could conceivably be nice if they offered, but they didn't. It's not your money, and it's not your son's money. Take the money that you and DH would have spent on your stepson's tuition and apply the whole amount to your son.

If you want to hit someone up for tuition assistance, ask your family or or son's bio father's family.

+1

+1. No obligation whatsoever.

This. You sound like a nightmare. How much are you contributing to your sons college education? Do you work? Where is his father? How much is the father contributing? That is who should be paying. Not the step grandparents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband say?

Nothing. He’s just happy that his son wants to maintain this family tradition but is disinterested in my son’s future. My son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture and he has no living grandparents. The only grandparents he knows are DH’s parents and they are nice to him but it’s obvious they love their own grandson while taking a polite interest in my son. What hurts is that I cooked, cleaned, tutored and took care of both kids for many years but there’s no acknowledgement for my role in their grandson’s success and no acknowledgement for my son either.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just refuse the financial help and you guys can pay for both sons' tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s a family tradition in DH’s family to educate the kids in a particular college.. My son and stepson are the same age and grew up together for most of their lives. However, my ILs say they will cover tuition for their own grandson without any mention of doing something for his stepbrother. I find this unfair and inappropriate as if to sow discord between the two of them. How should I approach this with them?

OK, I will bite. How is it unfair?