Signs of infidelity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HPV is often completely asymptomatic even when transmissible. The real kicker is men cannot be tested for it on a regular STD/STI panel so even if your spouse presents a clean STD/STI panel he could still have given you cancer-causing HPV. Women have to request to be tested for it.

Likelihood a woman having repeat Ashley Madison affairs and unprotected sex with the random men has HPV is likely in the 90% range. I know it’s Covid, but go get tested. I only needed a Pap smear every 5 years in my late 40s because I had a negative HPV test on file, but since I found out my husband f@cked a woman unprotected off of Ashley Madison and she had done this with other men too- I get tested yearly even if I plan on never letting that potentaiklr diseased dirty d@cl anywhere near me. It Hs worth noting HPV can be transmitted even with a condom-skin/oral contact.

Just nasty.

"even if"?

You're divorcing this creep and moving on I would hope. I wouldn't waste anymore oxygen on these cheaters.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:To the Cheater who offered to answer questions..... how much does it cost to have an affair and how/when did you meet with AP? Suspect my spouse had one because of money he spent but couldn't/wouldn't tell me on what. I really want to get some idea of how much an affair would cost

Jumping on to add an additional question.

How did it start? Was it someone you knew in real life or did you use the Internet to intentionally look for an affair partner?

Someone I had met, but did not know well. I decided to cheat, just to be clear. I don't want to make any excuses for it so I won't, but made reasons why I could/should in my head. And I did go on Ashley Madison and almost slept with someone there, but did not. There were reasons, let's say. In talking with a friend, I explained how I felt and was connected with this person. It went from there.

What was wrong with the Ashley Madison chick? Looks? Psycho?

We met for a while. After we met and talked for a couple weeks she said she was ready to have sex, but then said, I need to tell you I have herpes. While my wife and I had not had sex for a long time, I was still hoping we would and could not bring that to her. And I would not have had the guts to tell her and likely would have given it to her. Not fatal, but I just could't do that. It kind of messed up my mind, because I wanted to, but I just couldn't.

Nasty. Ashley Madison finest gals.

At least she was honest about having it--unlike the guy who gave it to her. --NP

This. Tons of people have herpes. She is not passing it along. I'm giving her a gold star for her openness.

That should have been a lesson learn NOT to cheat. I mean how gross and if she's on AMC..lol no wonder.

No tons do not have it, but TONS do not want to get that or any other disease.

[Anonymous]

^ yes. Question: do you think this woman’s spouse has the right to now for his own health safety and family safety issues?

She has had multiple affairs on Ashley Madison and will f@ck them unprotected with no condoms (even very first time they show up and without copies of recent sti tests) and in the family house after teens and husband leave for the day.

I keep thinking of that spouse and how he might end up with untreatable herpes for life, antibiotic resistant gonorrhoae/chlamydia (on drastic rise) or even HIv. There’s also the chance if his 17-years old waking in. She also went to a hotel mid-October breaking family social distancing.

I am so angry nobody told me (including my husband‘s therapist never even telling him to tell me got health reasons ).

I would always want to know, no matter how painful. I am an advocate of telling the betrayed spouse- not for revenge but health and safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ yes. Question: do you think this woman’s spouse has the right to now for his own health safety and family safety issues?

She has had multiple affairs on Ashley Madison and will f@ck them unprotected with no condoms (even very first time they show up and without copies of recent sti tests) and in the family house after teens and husband leave for the day.

I keep thinking of that spouse and how he might end up with untreatable herpes for life, antibiotic resistant gonorrhoae/chlamydia (on drastic rise) or even HIv. There’s also the chance if his 17-years old waking in. She also went to a hotel mid-October breaking family social distancing.

I am so angry nobody told me (including my husband‘s therapist never even telling him to tell me got health reasons ).

I would always want to know, no matter how painful. I am an advocate of telling the betrayed spouse- not for revenge but health and safety.

You've posted this many times. You should have alerted the other spouse by now, filed divorce and seriously never talk to your ex again. It's that simple.
At this point you shouldn't care what either do. Just get you're own life together.

[Anonymous]

Trying to strategize during Covid. Any letter to the house she will get first and destroy. I confronted her at her house and she pushed husband inside house so I’m sure she gave a spin story.

I’m guessing a private detective to find his direct contact info-work phone, email, etc. and/or schedule so I can be sure he gets the true story.

Web has all of her narcissistic food blogs and family blogs and cell—but little out there on him.

[Anonymous]

She is obviously a pathological liar, pp. He sounds co-dependent and emotionally abused by her. What man would not insist on finding out wth is going on out front? She probably has made up a story about who you are and that you are just some crazy woman or copped to something much, much minor like kissing your spouse at a bar, etc.

You are dealing with someone very manipulative and cunning if she’s carried on multiple Ashley Madison affairs right out of the house. Also, somebody that is mentally ill/BPD. Proceed with caution.

[Anonymous]

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No tons do not have it, but TONS do not want to get that or any other disease.[/quote

My doctor told me that the infections rate for Herpes in the US is 1 on 6, with woman having a slightly highly higher prevalence. Approximately 25% overall know that have it. I did not follow up on his #'s, but that surprised me. Plus, they do not test for it in a normal STI protocol, it is has specifically be added, which is uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ so here is the issue: you started out saying marriage was bad and should not have married, and now you’re saying that you wanted your marriage. This is insidious because most people won’t challenge your first narrative and believe it’s the marriage that was at fault. Honestly, it’s how you handled yourself and your level of commitment that’s the issue but you keep on talking about marriage/spouse being at fault. You clearly haven’t done much introspection so that you can prevent this in the future.

Also, it’s your issue that caused your wife’s relationship with her kids to change and her standard of living to change. You feel bad about what happened to you, not about what you did to her. Real regret will come from realizing what you did to her.

On one hand I commend you for taking some responsibility but on the other hand you’re still hedging when you talk about the cause of the damage. How do you prevent this from happening if there’s no real introspection? Maybe you don’t care in which case it doesn’t matter. Again, thanks for a respectful discussion.

There may have been some conflating from answers by other PP's. None of my answers were meant to blame the marriage or validate my answers. My post was to respond to the OP asking about signs, so I figured if people wanted to ask about specifics signs as they existed for us, I would answer. Some questions went in a different direction. But to your point, the marriage obviously was not working as it should, and I got resentful, isolated, and selfish. I did not put any real effort into improving it. I realize that my actions damaged my wife and kids and me. When we divorced we were making about the same amount of money and we sold everything and split the home and all other assets. I then agreed to pay well above what was required for spousal support.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are you still friends with the person that facilitated you cheating on your wife that ended up costing you your marriage/family?

We are.

Do you regret cheating? If so, why since so many men who cheat don't care if the cheating has any impact on the wife. How is your ex wife doing now since this will affect her for a long time.

Also, there are studies that indicate that who you hang out with can influence your choices (just like your family can model behavior) and so why hang around with someone who facilitated this action for you? Just trying to gauge your mindset on this vs. your actions.

Thank you for answering questions.

I'll do the best I can.

Do I regret cheating? - absolutely yes. This was unforgivable, did incredible damage to my family, my wife in particular, and to myself. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, and whatever else you can imagine. While the marriage was not working, that does not mean I should have done what I did. I just did not communicate what I thought were my needs. Maybe we should have divorced after all, but maybe we should not have gotten married when we did. I don't know. I do know now that I could have and should have "manned up" and talked about it. I just did not.

I have no idea why other men cheat. I have not talked with other cheaters about that.

She seems well, but we do not talk all that often. When we do it is cordial and productive. As I wrote earlier, she is a very good woman. We have grown children and need to talk about them and coordinate things. I hope she is well. We do not bring our adult kids into the conversation about our relationship or what happened. They may well know, but we all have a "healthy" relationship at this point, and I will never say anything about about their mother and I don't think she has ever said anything bad about me. That does not mean this is not hard on them, I know it is. I have no idea if she is in a new relationship. That is none of my business, but I do hope she is doing well.

To the last question, I am still friends with the person. We do not hang out, but we are friends. The friend did not encourage me to do this, I expressed an interest and I was connected with an explanation of where I was. I can't blame the friend and we have not talked about the outcomes in detail. As best I know, none of my other friends who I hung out with regularly were cheaters. One had been divorced and on a second marriage, but I never asked about the details. I have read no studies, but for me, I don't the friends theory applies.

Just to be clear, the marriage may not have been working for you but part of it is how you handled yourself. Marriage might have been fixed if you were engaged in it. Again, it's sort of re-writing the history and that is what is pernicious about what you write. I suppose most of the consequences fell on your ex-wife since you wanted out of marriage anyway and your relationship with your children isn't affected. This is what's most galling in that your mistakes affect your ex-wife the most and you get what you want except for the finances (I bet her standard of living is still lower than yours).

This is a fair question/point. I am not trying to have any subtle, harmful effect in my responses. I am answering. I am not a psychologist, therapist, or social worker. I cheated and can only tell you about what I know. The way I handled myself was more than part of the problem. Both of our relationships with our children are affected, I am sure. I guess the last thing I would say is I did not want out of the marriage, I wanted sex. I went about it the wrong way.

I am not the OP, but why did you derail this thread and turn it into an AMA? You have had one AP (that stands for affair partner BTW) and an account on Ashley Madison. If you think that makes you some kind of expert in the ways of infidelity, start your own thread: "I regret my one affair. AMA."

Sorry, I was not trying to derail the thread. No need to start a new on as pretty much all the questions that came have been answered

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is obviously a pathological liar, pp. He sounds co-dependent and emotionally abused by her. What man would not insist on finding out wth is going on out front? She probably has made up a story about who you are and that you are just some crazy woman or copped to something much, much minor like kissing your spouse at a bar, etc.

You are dealing with someone very manipulative and cunning if she’s carried on multiple Ashley Madison affairs right out of the house. Also, somebody that is mentally ill/BPD. Proceed with caution.

+1

That’s a very deviant person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to strategize during Covid. Any letter to the house she will get first and destroy. I confronted her at her house and she pushed husband inside house so I’m sure she gave a spin story.

I’m guessing a private detective to find his direct contact info-work phone, email, etc. and/or schedule so I can be sure he gets the true story.

Web has all of her narcissistic food blogs and family blogs and cell—but little out there on him.

OMG, this is getting so tiresome and you know damn well, you aren't going to do sh!t. Or you would have by now. You are enjoying your martyrdom a bit too much. No wonder he cheated on you. You sound like a horrible shrew.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My wife should pick up on the fact that I now put zero effort into talking to her about our sex less marriage. Its not a problem I need to solve anymore. Same for trying to be physical with her.

My wife and I haven't had sex in a year, I stopped initiating and she doesn't seem to care. We were only 1-2x a month before,all at my initiation. A lot of women in sexless marriages know their husbands are cheating and don't care

If I knew my spouse cheated I would never have sex with them again. My health is too important to risk it for a low life person.

's OK, if he has an AP, he doesn't need sex with you anymore Thatat' kind of the whole point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HPV is often completely asymptomatic even when transmissible. The real kicker is men cannot be tested for it on a regular STD/STI panel so even if your spouse presents a clean STD/STI panel he could still have given you cancer-causing HPV. Women have to request to be tested for it.

Likelihood a woman having repeat Ashley Madison affairs and unprotected sex with the random men has HPV is likely in the 90% range. I know it’s Covid, but go get tested. I only needed a Pap smear every 5 years in my late 40s because I had a negative HPV test on file, but since I found out my husband f@cked a woman unprotected off of Ashley Madison and she had done this with other men too- I get tested yearly even if I plan on never letting that potentaiklr diseased dirty d@cl anywhere near me. It Hs worth noting HPV can be transmitted even with a condom-skin/oral contact.

Just nasty.

You are just making shot up again. I'm much safer with a cheating wife I find on AM than I am with your average single woman who is jumping from D to D.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying to strategize during Covid. Any letter to the house she will get first and destroy. I confronted her at her house and she pushed husband inside house so I’m sure she gave a spin story.

I’m guessing a private detective to find his direct contact info-work phone, email, etc. and/or schedule so I can be sure he gets the true story.

Web has all of her narcissistic food blogs and family blogs and cell—but little out there on him.

OMG, this is getting so tiresome and you know damn well, you aren't going to do sh!t. Or you would have by now. You are enjoying your martyrdom a bit too much. No wonder he cheated on you. You sound like a horrible shrew.

She already surprised OW at her house and confronted her. An anonymous letter is nothing after that. I see she’s getting her ducks in a row and brainstorming ways OW can’t intervene. Waiting 6-7 months to contact OBS is the best. You are calmer. You can state facts and OW thinks she’s in the clear.

It’s what I did. Good luck pp!! The OBS was very thankful to have info as she was trying to instigate divorce and this gave him the upper hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HPV is often completely asymptomatic even when transmissible. The real kicker is men cannot be tested for it on a regular STD/STI panel so even if your spouse presents a clean STD/STI panel he could still have given you cancer-causing HPV. Women have to request to be tested for it.

Likelihood a woman having repeat Ashley Madison affairs and unprotected sex with the random men has HPV is likely in the 90% range. I know it’s Covid, but go get tested. I only needed a Pap smear every 5 years in my late 40s because I had a negative HPV test on file, but since I found out my husband f@cked a woman unprotected off of Ashley Madison and she had done this with other men too- I get tested yearly even if I plan on never letting that potentaiklr diseased dirty d@cl anywhere near me. It Hs worth noting HPV can be transmitted even with a condom-skin/oral contact.

Just nasty.

You are just making shot up again. I'm much safer with a cheating wife I find on AM than I am with your average single woman who is jumping from D to D.

I think it’s safe to say anyone that does not require a condom the first time the f@ck someone off the Internet isn’t exactly a chaste or clean person. It also speaks to the fact they likely screw other strangers without condoms too.