I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude, you did not achieve your potential if you could not support your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you Can’t just look at the amount that the wife would make in even the first couple years back working full-time, it’s really about her full income potential until retirement. Ideally, she has a steep trajectory.

Assuming she's in her 50's or older, what do you think the long term trajectory is? What she work another 30 years into her 80's or 90's?

[Anonymous]

I can not count how many friends I had to pull out of the depression hole that people like you put in.
I am generally very tolerant and patient but seeing all the suffering people like you bring on families over few bucks... I also saw the next chapters.. in few years you will end up alone and guess what, her life will just begin. No looking back, no taking back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you Can’t just look at the amount that the wife would make in even the first couple years back working full-time, it’s really about her full income potential until retirement. Ideally, she has a steep trajectory.

Assuming she's in her 50's or older, what do you think the long term trajectory is? What she work another 30 years into her 80's or 90's?

I am pretty sure he ruined her health too..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

Op here, some judgmental people but of course it’s DCUM. To some of the posters, DW is a speech therapist working part-time. I know that she can transition to full time and make $50k - her skills are current and demand is high. And yes, I do help at home with cooking, laundry, cleaning etc, and we also have a cleaning person every 3 weeks. I never said I wanted a divorce either, I just need he to make more. We don’t spend frivolously but there are still lots of expenses, especially with college looming. I’ve done what I can to earn more and took a stressful GS-15 job as a result, but I’m 15 years in towards a pension so not going to leave for a private sector job.

[Anonymous]

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What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

Or, he could get a better paying job. That is what my husband did.

You don't understand. My husband is FINE with this situation. He's been refusing to budge for years. This is why it's maddening.
And he doesn't help around the house either.

OP can make more money. Your husband probably has a good income just not good enough for you.

25K for the year, in the DC area. He has a PhD. His business is not working, he just doesn't want to admit it and likes the low pressure. What was that you said about a good income?

Why did you marry him?

This is hilarious. It’s the OP situation in reverse.

Breadwinner spouse complaining about low income spouse not working to make more money; only genders are reversed.

But no one goes ‘why did you marry her’.

OP was happy to have a SAH spouse when his kids were younger so could invest in his career and never worry about daycare drop offs or sick days. His wife handled everything at home. The PP never had a supportive spouse like that - she specifically says he doesn’t help around the house or with the kids. She’s doing everything AND subsidizing his hobby. Now THAT is crazy.

What are you talking about, he is GS15, so drop off, pick up, sick days pretty flexible.

It’s not like he was big law gone for weeks at a time.

The OP specifically said that he wanted his wife to stay home when their kids were little. I am taking him at his word, just like I believe him when he says he wants her to go to work full time now.

Let’s not rewrite history.

They had an agreement she'd stay home and now he's not honoring the agreement.

Hahaha.. yeah.. she had non-idea what shift she was gerring into, she needs to renegotiate now to take back what she overdid it.

[Anonymous]

He had the light end of the load.. now she had to work MORE,,!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

Op here, some judgmental people but of course it’s DCUM. To some of the posters, DW is a speech therapist working part-time. I know that she can transition to full time and make $50k - her skills are current and demand is high. And yes, I do help at home with cooking, laundry, cleaning etc, and we also have a cleaning person every 3 weeks. I never said I wanted a divorce either, I just need he to make more. We don’t spend frivolously but there are still lots of expenses, especially with college looming. I’ve done what I can to earn more and took a stressful GS-15 job as a result, but I’m 15 years in towards a pension so not going to leave for a private sector job.

I'm sorry OP. Some of these women lashing out at you are totally crazy and shockingly entitled. Obviously your wife should pitch in, and it's selfish that she's not.

[Anonymous]

It's true though that op needs to be realistic about how his life will change. They won't be able to save as much money as he's expecting and he will have to help out more than he realizes.

I do not, I repeat do no, believe a household NEEDS a sahm parent. It's the transition that is a bitch.

I just returned to work and my stupid husband is already pissed about my "outrageous" spending. I even listed it all out to him before I started back (He was the one who really thought it was time, financially). Expenses have included a very modest work wardrobe (which adds up quick), after school care, a dog walker, and eating out more. On top of all the little things we've delayed. Our stove is broken and has functioned minimally for 3 years. Or deck needs replaced. A handful of other things.
I'm sure there will be expenses specific to your life.

And I know this isn't the point of your post, but expect your home duties to get more difficult than you are expecting. Plus, plan to take more time off for all of the kid and household things your wife normally took care of (you'll have more paid leave saved up, and she'll need to be present as it's a new job). Kid illnesses, urgent care, scheduled dental appointments and well child Dr visits, teacher meetings, volunteering at school, being home for home repair appointments, veterinarian needs. It's a lot. My husband somehow didn't think about the little things I got done for us during the day (so cliche).

Obviously it's doable. Couples get it done every day. I'm just trying to prepare you for what a huge change this will be, and how small the financial gains might actually be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses on this thread are truly insane. I don’t even know what to say.

OP, you are not wrong at all. I hope you and your wife find some common ground on this. I would be frustrated in your shoes as well. High school kids don’t need a SAHM, as much as people are saying here otherwise.

+1. All these women want equality but they still want a man to support them. Both of you working is part of equality. You want equality, contribute to your family like a man has to. There is no reason for OPs wife to not work FT. Her kids are old enough to care for themselves for a couple of hours after school until their parents get home. OPs wife sound lazy and like she want to keep up a front and just hang out with her SAHM friends. I would divorce her if she doesn't step up and being a gown up. She sounds like a spoiled child.

+!. Your wife sounds lazy and is using your kids as an excuse. There is no reason for any women to be a SAHM or work PT when her kids are in high school and can do things themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what you can’t see..

Salary.com Reveals Stay-at-Home Moms are Worth $162,581 a Year

https://www.hrdive.com/press-release/20180514-salarycom-reveals-stay-at-home-moms-are-worth-162581-a-year/

WALTHAM, MA (May 13, 2018) - If stay-at-home moms earned an annual salary for all the hours they put toward tending to the duties of their households and children, how much would they earn? Today – in honor of Mother’s Day – Salary.com, the leading SaaS provider of cloud-based compensation data and analytics, released its 18thannual Mom Salary survey, which puts a price tag on a priceless job: motherhood.

By selecting a handful of jobs that reflect a day in the life of a mom and pulling the market compensation data for those same roles, Salary.com determined that the median annual salary of a mother for 2018 is $162,581– rising nearly $5,000 from 2017 calculations.

Through surveying thousands of working and stay-at-home moms, the 18thannual Mom Salary Survey determined a mother’s most time-consuming tasks – and the hours spent on each one. Since 2000, Salary.com has tracked how a mom’s role has morphed over the years, and how the value of this hybrid role has continued to rise. With a nearly 96-hour work-week and a six-figure annual rate, moms may be the most valuable workers in the country.

“While it’s difficult to put a price tag on a job like being a mother, we at Salary.com would like to honor all the moms out there who work their hardest day-in and day-out,” said Alys Reynders Scott, Chief Marketing Officer, Salary.com. “We would like to recognize both professional and stay-at-home Moms on their unwavering dedication to their families and other responsibilities. The work ethic does not go unnoticed or unappreciated, and we were not surprised at the substantial salary we calculated this year. It is money well-earned.”

In addition to traditional roles like performing the duties of a cook, housekeeper, nurse, and nutritionist, moms of today have more responsibilities than ever before. For example, with the rise of technology, moms are expected to sharpen their knowledge around computers, tablets, smartphones, and social media – making them extremely well-rounded in their skillsets and very valuable in terms of earning potential.

Additional insights from Salary.com’s 2018 survey data on how much a mother’s work is worth can be accessed at: https://www.companalyst.com/blog/stay-at-home-mom/.

About Salary.com
Salary.com is the leading SaaS provider of cloud-based compensation market data and analytics. Founded in 1999, the Company serves approximately 4,000 business-to-business customers worldwide with its market-leading CompAnalyst platform, designed to accelerate compensation workflows and improve efficiency. Through its Salary Wizard and consumer website, Salary.com delivers continually updated, reliable market pay data and career content to hundreds of thousands of consumers each year. The Company is committed to helping organizations drive company success by aligning compensation practices with recruiting, performance and development initiatives through easy-to-access data and meaningful insights. For more information, please visit the company website at www.salary.com.

Ludicrous claptrap. "Oh, I stay at home and sell Lularoe leggings on the side, but I am REALLY a doctor, a financial planner, a nutritionist, a psychiatrist, a chauffer, a cook, a household management consultant, a gardener, a repairman, a travel agent, blah blah blah." You're worth that? Sell your services at a 40 hr/week 162k/year rate and list the above. We'll wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, you did not achieve your potential if you could not support your family.

You can say the same about OPs wife. Women want equality, but refuse to work. Their children have two parents, and it's every much her responsibility to provide for them as it is his. She sounds lazy and wants to socialize with her SAHM friends.

OP, you won't get helpful responses because this board is filled with SAHMs and women who want to bag high earning men so they can be lazy and not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she was rising two kids for 15 years and now as a reward she can go to work , had she ever time to heal from being married to such a selfish person...??
You must be a narcissistic emotionless empathy lacking statue. I am sure se cant wait for the kids to get out to college to dump your ass.
She should not go to work because if she divorces you know you will ha e to pay her spousal support amd that seenpms only fair considering you sitting all day long behind the desk while she was raising the family as you watched tv?
You sound like typical divorced to be ahole. I am tired of knowing so many people like you, they are everywhere, Forget the virus, this is real epidemic. Assholery.

This is funny and so wrong. Being a SAHM isn't hard once your kids are in school. OPs wife was the one sitting around watching tv while her husband was working hard to support the family. Now that they need more income, she wants to act selfish and spoiled because she has to work FT. It seems that OP has done more than his fair share of working, helping around the house, and raising his kids. I hate how women feel they are so entitled to just become a SAHM. I think spousal support should not exist. No one should have to pay money to their ex because the ex couldn't work. Many people work and raise kids. You don't need to be a SAHM to raise kids.

I feel bad for the man married to you. The fact that you view his job as " sitting behind a desk" is wrong. You sound bitter. Sounds like maybe your man traded up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

Op here, some judgmental people but of course it’s DCUM. To some of the posters, DW is a speech therapist working part-time. I know that she can transition to full time and make $50k - her skills are current and demand is high. And yes, I do help at home with cooking, laundry, cleaning etc, and we also have a cleaning person every 3 weeks. I never said I wanted a divorce either, I just need he to make more. We don’t spend frivolously but there are still lots of expenses, especially with college looming. I’ve done what I can to earn more and took a stressful GS-15 job as a result, but I’m 15 years in towards a pension so not going to leave for a private sector job.

I'm sorry OP. Some of these women lashing out at you are totally crazy and shockingly entitled. Obviously your wife should pitch in, and it's selfish that she's not.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He had the light end of the load.. now she had to work MORE,,!!

Not true. OP worked, helped around the house, and helped raise his kids while OPs wife sat around all day while her kids were in school.