I told DW it’s time for her to return to work FT

[Anonymous]

I am a GS-15 single mom. Some of my unskilled labor contractors make over $35 an hour. Thats a great salary for unskilled labod and all are retired. There are options in DC. She can go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, you did not achieve your potential if you could not support your family.

You can say the same about OPs wife. Women want equality, but refuse to work. Their children have two parents, and it's every much her responsibility to provide for them as it is his. She sounds lazy and wants to socialize with her SAHM friends.

OP, you won't get helpful responses because this board is filled with SAHMs and women who want to bag high earning men so they can be lazy and not work.

Woman here. I would take a high earning husband who loves me over equality anyday. Sorry it’s the truth. I feel so bad for OP’s wife. Not that she may have to work more but because he is a not high earner who doesn’t seem to love her very much.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why couple should be mindful early on about how they arrange their household. SAHP are a luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

Op here, some judgmental people but of course it’s DCUM. To some of the posters, DW is a speech therapist working part-time. I know that she can transition to full time and make $50k - her skills are current and demand is high. And yes, I do help at home with cooking, laundry, cleaning etc, and we also have a cleaning person every 3 weeks. I never said I wanted a divorce either, I just need he to make more. We don’t spend frivolously but there are still lots of expenses, especially with college looming. I’ve done what I can to earn more and took a stressful GS-15 job as a result, but I’m 15 years in towards a pension so not going to leave for a private sector job.

I'm sorry OP. Some of these women lashing out at you are totally crazy and shockingly entitled. Obviously your wife should pitch in, and it's selfish that she's not.

+1. I’m a woman and I’m so sick of these types of women. These women want equality, but do not want to be treated as equals when it comes to money. They still expect a man to pick up the check, pay for everything, and support them. You should do the same as men if you want equality. Work a FT job, being in the same pay, and still parent and do your fair share for the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, you did not achieve your potential if you could not support your family.

You can say the same about OPs wife. Women want equality, but refuse to work. Their children have two parents, and it's every much her responsibility to provide for them as it is his. She sounds lazy and wants to socialize with her SAHM friends.

OP, you won't get helpful responses because this board is filled with SAHMs and women who want to bag high earning men so they can be lazy and not work.

Woman here. I would take a high earning husband who loves me over equality anyday. Sorry it’s the truth. I feel so bad for OP’s wife. Not that she may have to work more but because he is a not high earner who doesn’t seem to love her very much.

Well than why don’t you go out and become a high earner? Why do you feel so entitled for a man to support you?

[Anonymous]

My DH is a government employee and I work part-time, like OP’s DW, and make about the same as her (my income goes to house repairs, car payments, kids braces, etc. but obviously isn’t our primary income). But this works for us. My flexibility makes life easier for our family. We both could earn more but prioritize work-life balance and both of us are okay with the trade-off — old home without updates, we buy clothing at target and Costco, etc. But the difference is that DH and I are on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

Op here, some judgmental people but of course it’s DCUM. To some of the posters, DW is a speech therapist working part-time. I know that she can transition to full time and make $50k - her skills are current and demand is high. And yes, I do help at home with cooking, laundry, cleaning etc, and we also have a cleaning person every 3 weeks. I never said I wanted a divorce either, I just need he to make more. We don’t spend frivolously but there are still lots of expenses, especially with college looming. I’ve done what I can to earn more and took a stressful GS-15 job as a result, but I’m 15 years in towards a pension so not going to leave for a private sector job.

Can she take on additional clients to make more money without going full time? I agree that salary is a bit low for a speech therapist. That’s less than I make as a part time special ed para. She can also look in to schools which give ample time in summer as well as the same breaks as your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What if she's fine living on a lower income? You can't make someone work for a lifestyle they don't want, OP. This is my husband. He has a high IQ, multiple terminal degrees, and earns very little in a little business working for NIH scientists. It's maddening that he thinks everything is peachy when all his peers have actual careers and make much more.

She can live on her own $18k income after her husband divorces her, then.

They have kids. She'd get child support and possibly alimony.

She will be working full time and get 50/50 custody, some child support, and at best a few years rehabilitative spousal support (to transition back into self supporting).

[Anonymous]

How close are your kids to leaving for college? After fifteen years of PT work, I think it’s hard to make a change if this is the last year or two with kids at home. Can you guys make a plan for your lives as empty nesters (or parents of a college kid) that includes a new job for her? It’s easier to make a change at a point of life change.

[Anonymous]

I’d also love to work PT. What surprises me most is that your wife doesn’t prioritize her kids future over her desire to stay home. It seems it’s ok with her for them to start their lives saddled with student loan debt. That alone would motivate me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read about over-functioning and under-functioning in relationships. Instead of issuing an ultimatum for change, see if there are changes that you can make that will shift some of the balances. This might mean that you Do more with the kids while she looks for new jobs, etc.

Do more with the kids? What the hell do you do with high schoolers? I see mine at dinner if I’m lucky. They don’t need rides b/c they either drive or take the county or late bus.

That's pretty sad you cannot be bothered driving them.

Nope. PP 's kids are independent, they know how to navigate public transportation, they know what to do in an emergency. They are learning life skills and will be ready for college which is more than I can say for many many of the children around here who get dropped off and driven everywhere they want to go. It is MUCH easier to just drive and pick up the kids. It is emotional effort to let them figure it out and get lost on the bus!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pretty shocked if someone out of the workforce for 15 years could find a job paying anything close to 60-70k.

Op here, some judgmental people but of course it’s DCUM. To some of the posters, DW is a speech therapist working part-time. I know that she can transition to full time and make $50k - her skills are current and demand is high. And yes, I do help at home with cooking, laundry, cleaning etc, and we also have a cleaning person every 3 weeks. I never said I wanted a divorce either, I just need he to make more. We don’t spend frivolously but there are still lots of expenses, especially with college looming. I’ve done what I can to earn more and took a stressful GS-15 job as a result, but I’m 15 years in towards a pension so not going to leave for a private sector job.

I'm sorry OP. Some of these women lashing out at you are totally crazy and shockingly entitled. Obviously your wife should pitch in, and it's selfish that she's not.

+1. I’m a woman and I’m so sick of these types of women. These women want equality, but do not want to be treated as equals when it comes to money. They still expect a man to pick up the check, pay for everything, and support them. You should do the same as men if you want equality. Work a FT job, being in the same pay, and still parent and do your fair share for the household.

Wow OP does his wife’s job(because she is a SAHM and should do the cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc), his other job and pays for a house cleaner? What does his wife do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes i think there are like six sahms on dcum who are nuts about hammering home their over-the-top points about how vital they are to the natural balance of the universe. This thread is nuts.

I cannot imagine being married to someone who had agreed to go back to work after, say 5 years (circa age 35) and 15 years later they still aren't work (circa age 50) and you're already annoyed with their lack of contribution, and now you have to watch them for another FIFTEEN years have absolutely no function in your house until you retire. That's a really, really long time. I couldn't respect that person anymore.

I love the ever expanding list of chores they come up with. “Buying kids clothes” — with teens that’s dropping them off at the mall with some cash.

Good plan. They will buy two outfits for $200 when you can buy 4-5.

Well, then, they've learned a lesson, haven't they when they have to wear two outfits all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a government employee and I work part-time, like OP’s DW, and make about the same as her (my income goes to house repairs, car payments, kids braces, etc. but obviously isn’t our primary income). But this works for us. My flexibility makes life easier for our family. We both could earn more but prioritize work-life balance and both of us are okay with the trade-off — old home without updates, we buy clothing at target and Costco, etc. But the difference is that DH and I are on the same page.

Does your DH do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc and pay for a house cleaner while you work part time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we had kids, DW became a SAHM and our discussion was always that she’d return to the workforce at some point. It’s now 15 years later, kids are in high school, and she is working part-time. I just did our taxes and she only earned $18k last year - I am a GS-15 so by no means a rainmaker. We are behind on savings, college 529, etc and I’m tired of having to agonize over every financial decision because our finances are so precarious. DW has a Masters and could be making $60-70K full time but doesn’t want to - she has many stay at home friends who are married to rainmakers, but that’s not me. I told her tonight that I’m at my wits end and she needs to step up. She doesn’t want to work full time - neither do I but I suck it up for the family. I’m very frustrated and can’t get DW to pick up the slack. I am very involved at home and with the kids so she has supper there. How can I make her understand that we can’t always get what we want?!?

I doubt she will make 60k after being home 15 years.