Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control who talks to your kids. We have a grouchy old neighbor who is mean to the kids and tells them to stop playing when they are out front being loud (yet in the range of normal kid behavior, if you like kids). Some of the other parents tell their kids to ignore her. I tell my kids to listen to her and do what she says. She's old, she's our neighbor, and I don't want them continuing to do something they know is bothering someone else.

Not the end of the world. Your kids need to learn to deal with all kinds of people without falling into pieces like delicate flowers.

They are are in a controlled setting, not a public park. I absolutely can and will tell aftercare to keep strange adults away from my kids. It’s literally what I’m paying them for.

She's also a parent of kids at after care. How controlling can you be, PP, to think a fellow parent AT THE SAME AFTERCARE is a stranger? Very sad. You are the weird one to go through life with an attitude like that. Very, very weird.

I didn’t say stranger, I said strange. And lecturing other people’s kids to wait up for your younger kid is strange. And inappropriate. I would tell my kids to actively avoid this lady’s kids.

So you don't think teaching kids compassion is appropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control who talks to your kids. We have a grouchy old neighbor who is mean to the kids and tells them to stop playing when they are out front being loud (yet in the range of normal kid behavior, if you like kids). Some of the other parents tell their kids to ignore her. I tell my kids to listen to her and do what she says. She's old, she's our neighbor, and I don't want them continuing to do something they know is bothering someone else.

Not the end of the world. Your kids need to learn to deal with all kinds of people without falling into pieces like delicate flowers.

They are are in a controlled setting, not a public park. I absolutely can and will tell aftercare to keep strange adults away from my kids. It’s literally what I’m paying them for.

She's also a parent of kids at after care. How controlling can you be, PP, to think a fellow parent AT THE SAME AFTERCARE is a stranger? Very sad. You are the weird one to go through life with an attitude like that. Very, very weird.

I didn’t say stranger, I said strange. And lecturing other people’s kids to wait up for your younger kid is strange. And inappropriate. I would tell my kids to actively avoid this lady’s kids.

So you don't think teaching kids compassion is appropriate?

Parents like you are the worst. 5th graders don’t want to play with your 2nd grader. It’s not a character flaw. Get over it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t say stranger, I said strange. And lecturing other people’s kids to wait up for your younger kid is strange. And inappropriate. I would tell my kids to actively avoid this lady’s kids.

So you don't think teaching kids compassion is appropriate?

DP

I don't think having you teach kids anything is appropriate, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control who talks to your kids. We have a grouchy old neighbor who is mean to the kids and tells them to stop playing when they are out front being loud (yet in the range of normal kid behavior, if you like kids). Some of the other parents tell their kids to ignore her. I tell my kids to listen to her and do what she says. She's old, she's our neighbor, and I don't want them continuing to do something they know is bothering someone else.

Not the end of the world. Your kids need to learn to deal with all kinds of people without falling into pieces like delicate flowers.

They are are in a controlled setting, not a public park. I absolutely can and will tell aftercare to keep strange adults away from my kids. It’s literally what I’m paying them for.

She's also a parent of kids at after care. How controlling can you be, PP, to think a fellow parent AT THE SAME AFTERCARE is a stranger? Very sad. You are the weird one to go through life with an attitude like that. Very, very weird.

I didn’t say stranger, I said strange. And lecturing other people’s kids to wait up for your younger kid is strange. And inappropriate. I would tell my kids to actively avoid this lady’s kids.

So you don't think teaching kids compassion is appropriate?

Parents like you are the worst. 5th graders don’t want to play with your 2nd grader. It’s not a character flaw. Get over it!

I'm not OP. I'm a member of society who can't stand how crazy attitudes like yours are taking over. You are awful. OP has a right to talk to her own kids and any other kids she chooses about how their actions made her child feel.

Again, your attitude is totally weird PP, and I don't know anyone IRL who would think it odd for another parent to chat with their kids. People like you are ruining our culture with your bitchy, brittle attitudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control who talks to your kids. We have a grouchy old neighbor who is mean to the kids and tells them to stop playing when they are out front being loud (yet in the range of normal kid behavior, if you like kids). Some of the other parents tell their kids to ignore her. I tell my kids to listen to her and do what she says. She's old, she's our neighbor, and I don't want them continuing to do something they know is bothering someone else.

Not the end of the world. Your kids need to learn to deal with all kinds of people without falling into pieces like delicate flowers.

They are are in a controlled setting, not a public park. I absolutely can and will tell aftercare to keep strange adults away from my kids. It’s literally what I’m paying them for.

She's also a parent of kids at after care. How controlling can you be, PP, to think a fellow parent AT THE SAME AFTERCARE is a stranger? Very sad. You are the weird one to go through life with an attitude like that. Very, very weird.

I didn’t say stranger, I said strange. And lecturing other people’s kids to wait up for your younger kid is strange. And inappropriate. I would tell my kids to actively avoid this lady’s kids.

So you don't think teaching kids compassion is appropriate?

Parents like you are the worst. 5th graders don’t want to play with your 2nd grader. It’s not a character flaw. Get over it!

I'm not OP. I'm a member of society who can't stand how crazy attitudes like yours are taking over. You are awful. OP has a right to talk to her own kids and any other kids she chooses about how their actions made her child feel.

Again, your attitude is totally weird PP, and I don't know anyone IRL who would think it odd for another parent to chat with their kids. People like you are ruining our culture with your bitchy, brittle attitudes.

I'm not PP but no, no no. OP was not chatting, she was disciplining - and she was doing it about a situation she did not witness and while surrounded by other adults who were actually in charge of the situation (the aftercare staff). In no way is what OP doing appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is wrong of you to correct someone else’s child. You are an adult and their parents did not put you in charge. Of course the mom is upset! You can’t really be this clueless!?

This is a terrible, terrible attitude that yes, is prevalent in our society today. Kids need guidance from adults in their community. Period. You should not punish a child who is not your own, but talking to them about their behavior is not punishment. You should not yell, dress down, or punish in any way, but kids need a variety of adults in their lives and community to talk to them about stuff - including their actions. If my neighbor sees my kid cross the street without checking for cars - she should be able to say “hey, remember to look for cars, that’s dangerous.” OP’s own kids was involved in the excluding. She wasn’t yelling at the kid or making a scene. There’s nothing wrong with Telling the other kids “I talked to A last night about how you were all excluding B yesterday and so you know, that is not acceptable in our family and I’ve told A that it’s not ok to do. I hope you will help A be a better brother/sister too and not exclude B in the future.” People are way to sensitive about this and it is NOT good for kids. Of course no one should yell at or lay hands on another person’s kid. But having a convo about acceptable behavior is something adults should be able to do with kids, and kids can discuss with their own parents if they think the adult is wrong. Their own parents can tell them to ignore it if they think it’s wrong.

+1... people need to chill on this thread. If my child was doing something wrong and another adult was there to witness it, the adult should absolutely intervene. The parents who say otherwise are the snowflake parents who think their child could do no wrong. Or should we just sit back and watch Larlo tell your DC how ugly and stupid they are? Please use common sense here.

That's just it. The kids weren't going anything wrong. They just weren't playing with her younger child. Not a crime, totally fine. You can't make my kids play with your kids. You can't even try to guilt them into it. Nope nope nope.

+1,000,000.
If Larlo and Carlo were punching Marlo, OP would have been totally justified in protecting her Marlo's safety. If Larlo and Carlo had a playdate and excluded Marlo (for whatever reason), OP has no business lecturing them about it.

[Anonymous]

This is the fcked up culture that we’ve created where no one can tell kids how to behave. This is why kids act like entitled assholes. Kids need to be able to hear other people say - that wasn’t right, let’s fix the problem. Some parents don’t address problems with their own kids anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the fcked up culture that we’ve created where no one can tell kids how to behave. This is why kids act like entitled assholes. Kids need to be able to hear other people say - that wasn’t right, let’s fix the problem. Some parents don’t address problems with their own kids anymore.

Who is OP to tell kids not her own what's right and what's wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the fcked up culture that we’ve created where no one can tell kids how to behave. This is why kids act like entitled assholes. Kids need to be able to hear other people say - that wasn’t right, let’s fix the problem. Some parents don’t address problems with their own kids anymore.

Those kids weren't robbing the convenience store, they were not waiting for OP's special snowflake to catch up with them. And that is not a problem that needs to be fixed!
Yes, you can - and should - tell children how to behave if those children are kicking your seat on the plane, disturb you during a show or scream outside in the middle of the night. If someone else's children do not want to play with your precious spawn, it doesn't automatically make them 'entitled assholes'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the fcked up culture that we’ve created where no one can tell kids how to behave. This is why kids act like entitled assholes. Kids need to be able to hear other people say - that wasn’t right, let’s fix the problem. Some parents don’t address problems with their own kids anymore.

And entitled adults who think they can lecture any kid that does not, for whatever reason, want to play with a kid 3 grades lower. They are bulldozer parents that won’t let their snowflakes encounter even the most minor slight. That’s not preparing functioning individuals for the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - thank you. This is similar since one of my own kids was part of the group I was chatting with. I would like to understand why parents might be so sensitive about something like this, like the story you described. This is how kids learn how to behave and socialize. Teacher and caretakers are not always available to chime in.

OP, you've already been told that but you aren't interested in understanding why parents are sensitive about something like this, you are interested in making everyone say, you are right and they are wrong, of course what you did is perfect. That's not going to happen.

For the complete avoidance of doubt on your end: you are not allowed to correct kids other than your own, unless they are in immediate physical danger, or mistreating another child or yours right in front of you. If children are not in your care, the way they behave is not your business. They may be perfect little assholes but their parents have every right to their parenting choices and it's not up to you to correct it. It's clear that you see yourself in the role of The One Who Teaches Kids How to Behave and Socialize, and the truth is no one hired you for the job.

My children are grown but when they were of elementary age, I've taught them a neat trick that made sure all preachy adults stayed the hell away from them. The trick is to start screaming, "you are not my mother! you're not my mother!" It got all other adults to stare at the talking adult in a way that she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. I instructed my children as to which specific adults they should obey; if you weren't on the list, you got the "you're not my mother!" treatment. You don't want that, believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - thank you. This is similar since one of my own kids was part of the group I was chatting with. I would like to understand why parents might be so sensitive about something like this, like the story you described. This is how kids learn how to behave and socialize. Teacher and caretakers are not always available to chime in.

OP, you've already been told that but you aren't interested in understanding why parents are sensitive about something like this, you are interested in making everyone say, you are right and they are wrong, of course what you did is perfect. That's not going to happen.

For the complete avoidance of doubt on your end: you are not allowed to correct kids other than your own, unless they are in immediate physical danger, or mistreating another child or yours right in front of you. If children are not in your care, the way they behave is not your business. They may be perfect little assholes but their parents have every right to their parenting choices and it's not up to you to correct it. It's clear that you see yourself in the role of The One Who Teaches Kids How to Behave and Socialize, and the truth is no one hired you for the job.

My children are grown but when they were of elementary age, I've taught them a neat trick that made sure all preachy adults stayed the hell away from them. The trick is to start screaming, "you are not my mother! you're not my mother!" It got all other adults to stare at the talking adult in a way that she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. I instructed my children as to which specific adults they should obey; if you weren't on the list, you got the "you're not my mother!" treatment. You don't want that, believe me.

I was going to respond to the bold -- by saying that you don't get to tell adults what to do -- but then I read your last paragraph. Ha ha, wow. You are f'iing nuts to teach your kids to react to people like that (and then brag about it???). Crazy parenting. Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - thank you. This is similar since one of my own kids was part of the group I was chatting with. I would like to understand why parents might be so sensitive about something like this, like the story you described. This is how kids learn how to behave and socialize. Teacher and caretakers are not always available to chime in.

OP, you've already been told that but you aren't interested in understanding why parents are sensitive about something like this, you are interested in making everyone say, you are right and they are wrong, of course what you did is perfect. That's not going to happen.

For the complete avoidance of doubt on your end: you are not allowed to correct kids other than your own, unless they are in immediate physical danger, or mistreating another child or yours right in front of you. If children are not in your care, the way they behave is not your business. They may be perfect little assholes but their parents have every right to their parenting choices and it's not up to you to correct it. It's clear that you see yourself in the role of The One Who Teaches Kids How to Behave and Socialize, and the truth is no one hired you for the job.

My children are grown but when they were of elementary age, I've taught them a neat trick that made sure all preachy adults stayed the hell away from them. The trick is to start screaming, "you are not my mother! you're not my mother!" It got all other adults to stare at the talking adult in a way that she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. I instructed my children as to which specific adults they should obey; if you weren't on the list, you got the "you're not my mother!" treatment. You don't want that, believe me.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - thank you. This is similar since one of my own kids was part of the group I was chatting with. I would like to understand why parents might be so sensitive about something like this, like the story you described. This is how kids learn how to behave and socialize. Teacher and caretakers are not always available to chime in.

OP, you've already been told that but you aren't interested in understanding why parents are sensitive about something like this, you are interested in making everyone say, you are right and they are wrong, of course what you did is perfect. That's not going to happen.

For the complete avoidance of doubt on your end: you are not allowed to correct kids other than your own, unless they are in immediate physical danger, or mistreating another child or yours right in front of you. If children are not in your care, the way they behave is not your business. They may be perfect little assholes but their parents have every right to their parenting choices and it's not up to you to correct it. It's clear that you see yourself in the role of The One Who Teaches Kids How to Behave and Socialize, and the truth is no one hired you for the job.

My children are grown but when they were of elementary age, I've taught them a neat trick that made sure all preachy adults stayed the hell away from them. The trick is to start screaming, "you are not my mother! you're not my mother!" It got all other adults to stare at the talking adult in a way that she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. I instructed my children as to which specific adults they should obey; if you weren't on the list, you got the "you're not my mother!" treatment. You don't want that, believe me.

I was going to respond to the bold -- by saying that you don't get to tell adults what to do -- but then I read your last paragraph. Ha ha, wow. You are f'iing nuts to teach your kids to react to people like that (and then brag about it???). Crazy parenting. Crazy.

Darling, if we were not allowed to tell adults what to do, Jeff Steele would still have this day job! That's like the whole purpose of DCUM.

My kids are grown so believe me, it worked for them. It's way easier than arguing with an adult, and it stopped any unwanted adult conversation in its tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - thank you. This is similar since one of my own kids was part of the group I was chatting with. I would like to understand why parents might be so sensitive about something like this, like the story you described. This is how kids learn how to behave and socialize. Teacher and caretakers are not always available to chime in.

OP, you've already been told that but you aren't interested in understanding why parents are sensitive about something like this, you are interested in making everyone say, you are right and they are wrong, of course what you did is perfect. That's not going to happen.

For the complete avoidance of doubt on your end: you are not allowed to correct kids other than your own, unless they are in immediate physical danger, or mistreating another child or yours right in front of you. If children are not in your care, the way they behave is not your business. They may be perfect little assholes but their parents have every right to their parenting choices and it's not up to you to correct it. It's clear that you see yourself in the role of The One Who Teaches Kids How to Behave and Socialize, and the truth is no one hired you for the job.

My children are grown but when they were of elementary age, I've taught them a neat trick that made sure all preachy adults stayed the hell away from them. The trick is to start screaming, "you are not my mother! you're not my mother!" It got all other adults to stare at the talking adult in a way that she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. I instructed my children as to which specific adults they should obey; if you weren't on the list, you got the "you're not my mother!" treatment. You don't want that, believe me.

I was going to respond to the bold -- by saying that you don't get to tell adults what to do -- but then I read your last paragraph. Ha ha, wow. You are f'iing nuts to teach your kids to react to people like that (and then brag about it???). Crazy parenting. Crazy.

Darling, if we were not allowed to tell adults what to do, Jeff Steele would still have this day job! That's like the whole purpose of DCUM.

My kids are grown so believe me, it worked for them. It's way easier than arguing with an adult, and it stopped any unwanted adult conversation in its tracks.

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.