Grades - I screwed up

[Anonymous]

Must be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I hear you all. OP here.

She wants a school that’s hard to get into. She’s wanted it for various reasons on her own. I’m really not a helicopter parent. I’m here to tell her you’re aiming for x, you aren’t going to get there without y.

I’m a loving mom who wants to guide their kids in the direction and path they chose. She wants to achieve something and I’m part of guiding her there. I’m not a monster.

Not an elitist either. It’s my kid driving this train.

Right, but you're giving her bad advice. She needs to know that even with y, x is a crap shoot. She should be aiming for a certain kind of life or career or interest, not a certain college.

x1000000

[Anonymous]

Op, the thing is an 84 is not an F. Your job is to help her have perspective. She is losing sight of the goal of education, and I guarantee her obsession over points is hindering her learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We’re not on a scary path.

I recognized I was pushing too hard. She’s capable of achieving certain grades. She’s knows it, she wants it.

Maybe you guys are jealous of accepting an 84 as all that there is.

In sum, kids have different measures. My daughter screwed up. I overreacted, dialed back, and she still wants to be at the top of her class all on her own.

You think valedictorians just arrived there on nature without nurture. You are funny.

Perhaps what I failed to communicate, is she wants to be at the top of her class. She wants to oust your snowflakes. And that is the mindset it takes to be #1. But with her 84, she
had a setback. She wants it. You don’t get driven kids.

OP, I'm out. Good luck. You're gonna need it.

I bet my banana bread is better than yours. And I’d love to post back in 4 years with her outcome. You do you, I’ll do me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. She’s highly competitive in all things. This is just her. I don’t think you all get this kid, she has to win.

She knows when she fails. She’s the kid studying for hours on her own because she wants the best grade.

There’s no pressure. She’s internally motivated. That damn 84 was jarring. She just screwed up. She’s used to 96 in everything. Does that make more sense? To her, it’s like an F.

Where I screwed up is not keeping cool. Saying it’s just one test. To be honest, it’s never just one test. She got it.

This doesn’t jive with your initial post but if true it makes your behavior so much worse! If she’s that driven and ambitious, it is your job to teach her perspective and coping skills, not scream at her. I highly doubt that this is intrinsically motivated but if it is, you need to teach her to calm down. And yes, plenty of kids are valedictorians without parental pressure, and — even more remarkable — lots of kids are anxious and hyper-focused on unhealthy things, and their parents help them to dial it back and live a happier life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the thing is an 84 is not an F. Your job is to help her have perspective. She is losing sight of the goal of education, and I guarantee her obsession over points is hindering her learning.

Which I’m doing, that’s a B.

Her learning is fine. If she wants an A, here’s what you need to do. Seriously? What if she brought home a 64? Singing a different tune parents? There’s everything right with steering her into reality. A B is a bad grade for what she wants.

[Anonymous]

A B is not a bad grade. PERIOD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the thing is an 84 is not an F. Your job is to help her have perspective. She is losing sight of the goal of education, and I guarantee her obsession over points is hindering her learning.

Which I’m doing, that’s a B.

Her learning is fine. If she wants an A, here’s what you need to do. Seriously? What if she brought home a 64? Singing a different tune parents? There’s everything right with steering her into reality. A B is a bad grade for what she wants.

You should help her have healthier, more realistic expectations and goals, not berate her into further anxiety. It’s really concerning that you don’t get it. You really, really don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Occasionally my middle schooler mentions an Ivy League school and we pretty much shrug it off. No need to worry about college in the 8th or 9th grade, especially when there are hundreds of good options out there. I’ll be damned if I’m going to nudge him into academic stress and ruin his adolescence.

[Anonymous]

What happens when she has all 97s and doesn’t get into her dream school?

[Anonymous]

Op. Just stop. Your story morphed when you received negative feedback. No one here is going to give you the validation you desperately seek.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Apologize tonight if she's not asleep yet, or tomorrow before she goes to school. Say you trust her to get an A for the marking period, or failing that, for the semester. And then move on.

I've done that, OP. My 9th grader is 2e: gifted but learning disabled. It is the WORST educational situation, because he needs intellectual challenge, yet also needs support for his disabilities, and can either fail a test or get an A. I have totally lost it on him, more times than I can count.

Yet we have a relationship of trust. He forgives me, I forgive him. We have a close bond. His behaviors are absolutely infuriating, but he is intellectually capable of getting As in all his AP and Honors classes.

Somehow we're going to survive this kid and this kid is going to survive us, but... it's really hard.
(For the record, my other kids don't have these issues.)

Wow this doesn’t sit right with me.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Go Nats! I’m sure their parents held them back. Funny, isn’t it watching the best of the best.

To play at that level requires a parent who believed in you, your talent and lots and lots of practice.

And telling you an 84 B is not going to get you where you want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens when she has all 97s and doesn’t get into her dream school?

She understands this. At this point, she’s got a shot at it. Not a home run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. Just stop. Your story morphed when you received negative feedback. No one here is going to give you the validation you desperately seek.

It’s always a unique ride on DCUM. I’m by no means a perfect nor great mom. The vitriol here is beyond ridiculous. I’m not seeking validation. I was seeking input. Trying to balance things over here.

I’m not the only mom with a kid who strives independently. She wants to crush everything.

My vulnerable part - can she do it? We are good. Honestly, this thread was the best ever. She can do it.