quite a rude response to a play date offer. drop it, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daaaaaaaaaamn. That's.... something.

I would have no interest in interacting with her after that. I know enough people who either like me or at least know how to pretend that I don't need people like that in my life.

LOL “pretend to like me”.

[Anonymous]

She's not interested in hanging out with you guys. Maybe she doesn't like mom cliques. I can't blame her; I feel the same way about hanging out with rabid packs of other moms.

Just drop it and move on.

[Anonymous]

This is probably one of the first threads I've read on DCUM where I'm not sure how I feel. On one hand, good on you OP for being friendly and reaching out to new neighbors. I wish more people were like that - I'm not good at initiating social contact so appreciate it when others reach out first. And who replies "I'm going to decline your offer?" to a playdate invitation? This isn't a business negotiation. So yeah, rude response.

On the other hand, is your issue the way she phrased her response, or is it more wondering why she doesn't want to hang out with you? If she had just responded "no thanks", would you react differently? You say you texted her several times initially with no response (which to me, is also kind of rude on her part) - but that was her way of telling you she wasn't interested. But you didn't get the hint, forced the issue, and she probably felt her only option to get you off her back was to reply in such a direct manner. So I can see where she's coming from as well with that response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed if someone tried to turn my standing play date with a good friend into a play group.

Technically it was a playgroup through a moms club, but they were the only members. When I first met the friend I was very clear that I didn’t want to disturb their duo!

Aaaaand then you went and tried to turn their duo into a trio on Mondays. So...maybe not as "clear" as you meant to be...?

Oh, no, I mean I asked if it is was ok and threaded carefully. I am fully aware that three is a crowd! I hasn’t worked out for us to get together altogether in several months, or maybe they were getting together and I wasn’t aware (very likely) and when I tried to get us together for real she shut that down.

Wait, sorry... This is a totally different version of the story. You don't actually have a standing date w/ ML? You haven't met in "months"? (But you've only known her 6 months?) Then you found out she met up w/ this other person on the same day you wanted to meet and invited yourself along even though ML didn't bring it up as a possibility? Yeah, that's super weird, OP. (And explains the ML's response, which basically said she didn't want to hang out w/ you on your "standing date" day either.)

You seem like a nice person. Your texts were super welcoming and, as described, not weird to me. But I think you may be very socially awkward/not very good at reading social cues. Back off both people entirely. In a month or so, invite ML to a playdate on a different day of the week and go from there...

[Anonymous]

One of my kids does well with only one other kid. More is not good for her. Maybe that is what is going on. Not likely based on her definitive response, but possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does this woman know that you also meet up with the mutual friend on the same day?

If I had a standing date/meeting with a friend and then someone tried to take over our date by inviting both my friend and I to a playdate at the same time as our usual meetup, then I might be put off too and just want to keep the date/meeting with my friend. She might be open to a joint playdate with all three families some other time than when she gets together on Mondays.

If she does know about your standing date, then I would talk to the mutual friend and just say, I'm open to merging the two playdates on Mondays together if that makes it easier for you. If so, check with Larla and let me know.

OP here and I did consider this as why she might not like me. Nonetheless, I still find her response rude.

Maybe she's not into your kid. Or her kid isn't into your kid.

Also, 3's a crowd sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that HILARIOUS! I love it.

Yeah, I'd just have nothing more to do with her.

Her: Hello
Me: I am going to decline your greeting

BEST POST! LOVE THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should ask the mutual friend who may know her better.

I didn't want to gossip. "Hey, does Susan not like me?"

I did send mutual friend (MT) a message. "I do not want to you to get involved, but I get the sense that Susan doesn't want to hang out with me. You are important to us, and I hope we can still hang out! I hope you can manage two separate play dates in week, haha" And she responded with "I sure can! two in a week is not a problem but two in a day are!"

I’d take that as a pretty solid admission that your mutual friend knows the person dislikes you. I even think her response is a little rude to be honest. “I. Can’t hang out with you and her on the same day and I’ve chosen her” is the impression I’m reading

+1 The friend's response here is strange. And it makes me wonder if there is a backstory you are not providing, OP? I mean, did the original friend with whom you have a standing playdate suggest that you cease meeting b/c of the other playdate with her other friend...and then you took it upon yourself to suggest combining them?
I feel like we (or you) are missing something here? Like two things strike me: 1--the friend did not say "texts are so weird...I'm sure she just values our Monday time and we can all meet up together some other time" or anything else to try to get you off the "I don't think she wants to hang with me" trail. And 2--she is signaling here that you are too much somehow. I would be cautious about proceeding with either one.

All this neighborly drama is amazing to me. All of it. It’s all extra.


And OP, saying I don’t want to get you invoked implies there was an issue to discuss. If you didn’t want to involve her, you wouldn’t. You’d simply take the high road and coordinate independently with your mutual friend. Why tattle on the new neighbor and sat I hope we can still be friends? Your relationship with Ms Mutual is independent of Ms No Neighbir. Why not simply ask Ms Mutual, “Are we still confirmed for Monday?” And accept Ms No’s decline without mention? And you’re being gossipy here, asking whether to drop it?

I think your mutual friend may be icing you out. This is why communicating directly without challenging someone else is important; it reduces the likelihood of miscommunications and subjective interpretations in the appropriateness if the response. And perhaps that’s why Ms No declined your invite in the manner that she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that HILARIOUS! I love it.

Yeah, I'd just have nothing more to do with her.

Her: Hello
Me: I am going to decline your greeting

BEST POST! LOVE THIS!

I love this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is rude, imo. Don't text her again. It sounds like she thinks you are nuisance.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's rude. Direct isn't rude. She didn't pad it out with a bunch of excuses or a vague offer for "another time," but she didn't say anything mean or unkind, she just said no. Maybe she's generally a very direct person, or a little socially awkward. I don't see why you'd take offense.

Ms No was direct after the second reach out from OP. Ignoring the invitation was an indirect decline.

I think the OP’s response to the situation is a bit dramatic and clique-promoting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also find it rude (and then I would be totally insecure about it - something I did or said? something my kid did or said?) Is she biased against me in some awful way and I'm better off? I appreciate friendly welcoming people - don't change!

Thanks. That’s obviously what my anxious self is doing! But I’m coming up empty.

Do you like every person you.meet? Some.peoole aren't going to like you. It's nothing wrong with you, some people just don't always mix. Maybe she finds you needy and annoying while most others think you're giving and sweet. Who knows. Stop wasting energy on this. For the time being, you guys aren't going to move past the mutual friend stage.

Good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes this is rude. You asked her to hang out with you and she essentially responded, without any qualification, that she does not want to get together with you. In the absence of any explanation as to why she cannot get together, she’s making it clear that she just has no interest in your company.

I think it’s totally fine for her to not want to hang out, but most people have manners to at least thank the person for the invite and decline in a polite manner. She doesn’t even need to make a fake promise of a future play date. A simple “Thank you for the invite, but we are unable to attend” would be appropriate.

My guess is either she is incredibly socially awkward and does not want a large social network, she is one of those mommy group mean girls who likes to form cliques, or you have inadvertently offended her/come on too strong with the initial friendship. Regardless, I’d avoid her from here on out. If she ever called for a neighborly favor I’d “decline.”

"No" is a complete sentence. I agree that saying "thank you for the invite" is more gracious, but the message of no is perfectly fine. In fact, I think the OP is incredibly socially awkward if she couldn't take a clue from the clear pattern of non-responses and non-attendance (i.e. fading out), and kept persisting until being flat out told off.

I agree with this completely. OP, she may have been blunt (what you think is rude) but she tried being subtle and not responding to your previous texts. She didn't respond. Then you texted again. She didn't respond (again). You didn't get the hint. For everyone saying this person was rude, I'm betting dollars to donuts that if she was "polite" and said "thanks so much, but we can't. maybe some other time." you know the OP would be texting her over and over again until she got her playdate.

OP - you HAVE to start taking the hint and realizing when someone is letting you down gently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, even if OP is needy/pushy extra, and the other lady is not interested, either ghost or say: no, thanks. We're good.

I'm going to decline your offer sounds so intentionally rude to me that no matter what the excuse is, I'd have no interest in being friends with that woman.

She did ghost. At least twice.

[Anonymous]

I think one of the reasons her phrasing may have come off as rude, is because she didn’t have many options to sugarcoat her decline. She knows that you are fully aware that she already has a standing playdate with your other friend, and therefore clearly all of you know that she is available for a playdate that day because one, in fact, is already happening. I think her answer was actual an indirect way for her to say that she is not interested in turning the two-some into a threesome. I agree it came across as rude, but I’m not sure how she could have said it more kindly when you are all three aware that a playdate is still occurring between her and your other friend.