quite a rude response to a play date offer. drop it, right?

[Anonymous]

Op you keep referring to them as “girls”. Are all of you kind of young?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the reasons her phrasing may have come off as rude, is because she didn’t have many options to sugarcoat her decline. She knows that you are fully aware that she already has a standing playdate with your other friend, and therefore clearly all of you know that she is available for a playdate that day because one, in fact, is already happening. I think her answer was actual an indirect way for her to say that she is not interested in turning the two-some into a threesome. I agree it came across as rude, but I’m not sure how she could have said it more kindly when you are all three aware that a playdate is still occurring between her and your other friend.

How about: "You are so sweet to reach out and welcome me. I really appreciate it. I feel so awkward saying this and I hope you won't mind - but I have been incredibly stressed and really rely on this one on one time with Mutual Friend to decompress. I won't be great company right now and I wouldn't want to subject you to that. I hope we'll all get the chance to hang out when things settle down a bit. I will get in touch when that happens. I hope you and your wonderful child are enjoying this warm spring day."

[Anonymous]

Yes it was rude but turning a duo into a threesome is awkward for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the reasons her phrasing may have come off as rude, is because she didn’t have many options to sugarcoat her decline. She knows that you are fully aware that she already has a standing playdate with your other friend, and therefore clearly all of you know that she is available for a playdate that day because one, in fact, is already happening. I think her answer was actual an indirect way for her to say that she is not interested in turning the two-some into a threesome. I agree it came across as rude, but I’m not sure how she could have said it more kindly when you are all three aware that a playdate is still occurring between her and your other friend.

How about: "You are so sweet to reach out and welcome me. I really appreciate it. I feel so awkward saying this and I hope you won't mind - but I have been incredibly stressed and really rely on this one on one time with Mutual Friend to decompress. I won't be great company right now and I wouldn't want to subject you to that. I hope we'll all get the chance to hang out when things settle down a bit. I will get in touch when that happens. I hope you and your wonderful child are enjoying this warm spring day."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the reasons her phrasing may have come off as rude, is because she didn’t have many options to sugarcoat her decline. She knows that you are fully aware that she already has a standing playdate with your other friend, and therefore clearly all of you know that she is available for a playdate that day because one, in fact, is already happening. I think her answer was actual an indirect way for her to say that she is not interested in turning the two-some into a threesome. I agree it came across as rude, but I’m not sure how she could have said it more kindly when you are all three aware that a playdate is still occurring between her and your other friend.

OP here and I completely agree with this. I am not what went wrong and when. Maybe nothing did, and she just doesn't like, or she's not interested in a 3 person play date.

I will tread carefully with MT, that's for sure.

and I deactivated my membership with Moms Club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that HILARIOUS! I love it.

Yeah, I'd just have nothing more to do with her.

Her: Hello
Me: I am going to decline your greeting

BEST POST! LOVE THIS!

x100000

Is she a robot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think one of the reasons her phrasing may have come off as rude, is because she didn’t have many options to sugarcoat her decline. She knows that you are fully aware that she already has a standing playdate with your other friend, and therefore clearly all of you know that she is available for a playdate that day because one, in fact, is already happening. I think her answer was actual an indirect way for her to say that she is not interested in turning the two-some into a threesome. I agree it came across as rude, but I’m not sure how she could have said it more kindly when you are all three aware that a playdate is still occurring between her and your other friend.

How about: "You are so sweet to reach out and welcome me. I really appreciate it. I feel so awkward saying this and I hope you won't mind - but I have been incredibly stressed and really rely on this one on one time with Mutual Friend to decompress. I won't be great company right now and I wouldn't want to subject you to that. I hope we'll all get the chance to hang out when things settle down a bit. I will get in touch when that happens. I hope you and your wonderful child are enjoying this warm spring day."

while I do think that ms no was kinda rude this is waay too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, she’s a bitch. I’d look right through her. Or laugh in her face. Never grovel.

Yep! You're right, OP, so rude. (And I live in DC area.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed if someone tried to turn my standing play date with a good friend into a play group.

Technically it was a playgroup through a moms club, but they were the only members. When I first met the friend I was very clear that I didn’t want to disturb their duo!

Aaaaand then you went and tried to turn their duo into a trio on Mondays. So...maybe not as "clear" as you meant to be...?

Oh, no, I mean I asked if it is was ok and threaded carefully. I am fully aware that three is a crowd! I hasn’t worked out for us to get together altogether in several months, or maybe they were getting together and I wasn’t aware (very likely) and when I tried to get us together for real she shut that down.

Wait, sorry... This is a totally different version of the story. You don't actually have a standing date w/ ML? You haven't met in "months"? (But you've only known her 6 months?) Then you found out she met up w/ this other person on the same day you wanted to meet and invited yourself along even though ML didn't bring it up as a possibility? Yeah, that's super weird, OP. (And explains the ML's response, which basically said she didn't want to hang out w/ you on your "standing date" day either.)

You seem like a nice person. Your texts were super welcoming and, as described, not weird to me. But I think you may be very socially awkward/not very good at reading social cues. Back off both people entirely. In a month or so, invite ML to a playdate on a different day of the week and go from there...

all of this.

[Anonymous]

Tell us more about this Mom's Club that you have unsubscribed from, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think someone said this already, but it sounds to me like she got cut off. She wrote that part, something happened with kid, she decided it was good enough and sent it, not realizing how awkward it sounded.
This is one of the reasons I hate text messages. There is so much communication missed without tone of voice and the little filler words that are used in spoken language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes this is rude. You asked her to hang out with you and she essentially responded, without any qualification, that she does not want to get together with you. In the absence of any explanation as to why she cannot get together, she’s making it clear that she just has no interest in your company.

I think it’s totally fine for her to not want to hang out, but most people have manners to at least thank the person for the invite and decline in a polite manner. She doesn’t even need to make a fake promise of a future play date. A simple “Thank you for the invite, but we are unable to attend” would be appropriate.

My guess is either she is incredibly socially awkward and does not want a large social network, she is one of those mommy group mean girls who likes to form cliques, or you have inadvertently offended her/come on too strong with the initial friendship. Regardless, I’d avoid her from here on out. If she ever called for a neighborly favor I’d “decline.”

"No" is a complete sentence. I agree that saying "thank you for the invite" is more gracious, but the message of no is perfectly fine. In fact, I think the OP is incredibly socially awkward if she couldn't take a clue from the clear pattern of non-responses and non-attendance (i.e. fading out), and kept persisting until being flat out told off.

I agree with this completely. OP, she may have been blunt (what you think is rude) but she tried being subtle and not responding to your previous texts. She didn't respond. Then you texted again. She didn't respond (again). You didn't get the hint. For everyone saying this person was rude, I'm betting dollars to donuts that if she was "polite" and said "thanks so much, but we can't. maybe some other time." you know the OP would be texting her over and over again until she got her playdate.

OP - you HAVE to start taking the hint and realizing when someone is letting you down gently.

Actually I don’t think not responding at all is being subtle. Her not responding when op sent her texts welcoming her to the neighborhood In itself it is a pretty clear message that she’s not a very gracious person. She really should have responded if just to say a quick thanks! And so what if the op is the type to continue not getting the hint...sure that’s annoying but it doesn’t give the other woman an excuse to be so rude. If she didn’t want to continue the back and forth she could’ve said thanks for the invite but at this time I’d like to keep my standing one on one play date with Mutual friend as my kid(s) really does better in smaller groups. I hope you understand.

If I were op and got a response like that my feelings may be a bit hurt but I would understand her reasoning and would back off without finding her rude. Simply saying that she declines the offer is just weird and unnecessarily blunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think someone said this already, but it sounds to me like she got cut off. She wrote that part, something happened with kid, she decided it was good enough and sent it, not realizing how awkward it sounded.
This is one of the reasons I hate text messages. There is so much communication missed without tone of voice and the little filler words that are used in spoken language.

no

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a freak. Scrape her off.

[Anonymous]

So much drama over "pkaydates".