First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

^^unenvironmental, not environmental

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The original family came first". ??? So does this mean that when your children are ADULTS you still can't do what you want with your life? Can't get remarried? Can't have more kids? Again, I understand, as a much older step sister, that one's feelings can be conflicted about this. But you suck it up, respect your elders, and find a way to be polite. Or you don't go.

Parents did right by us by raising us to 18 and then maybe even paying for or helping with college, weddings, first home down payment.... how much more are they expected to sacrifice? How old do I have to be before my parents get a pass to pursue whatever selfish ends they may wish?

Grandparents come in all stripes, some hands-on, some not. I see on this board all the time, "that sucks that grandma doesn't want to babysit but, you gotta accept it. Gma is under no obligation". Neither is OP's husband.

I don’t respect grandparents who have additional babies. Sure, they can do what they want, but, no, I don’t have to respect them.

Of all the disrespectful things a person, even a grandparent can do, I don't view making a baby as one of them. There are plenty of people's having babies who should not be. If Grandpa is a good parent, that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The original family came first". ??? So does this mean that when your children are ADULTS you still can't do what you want with your life? Can't get remarried? Can't have more kids? Again, I understand, as a much older step sister, that one's feelings can be conflicted about this. But you suck it up, respect your elders, and find a way to be polite. Or you don't go.

Parents did right by us by raising us to 18 and then maybe even paying for or helping with college, weddings, first home down payment.... how much more are they expected to sacrifice? How old do I have to be before my parents get a pass to pursue whatever selfish ends they may wish?

Grandparents come in all stripes, some hands-on, some not. I see on this board all the time, "that sucks that grandma doesn't want to babysit but, you gotta accept it. Gma is under no obligation". Neither is OP's husband.

I don’t respect grandparents who have additional babies. Sure, they can do what they want, but, no, I don’t have to respect them.

Of all the disrespectful things a person, even a grandparent can do, I don't view making a baby as one of them. There are plenty of people's having babies who should not be. If Grandpa is a good parent, that's all that matters.

He almost surely isn't and won't be.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread is crazy! People need to get a grip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread is crazy! People need to get a grip

Seriously, there is a lot of obsession about the perceived age gap between OP and grandpa + baggage and excuses for a 29 year old woman acting like she's ten because her father and mother were divorced when she was a child and now she has a ten month old sibling. Old people get married and have babies. Clooney's no spring chicken. It's a little weird, but everyone is an adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say grandpa/new dad was 30 when he had daughter age 29. Based on this estimate, Grandpa is 69 and second wife is 43.

Let’s say dad/gpa was 18 when he had dd 29, making him now 48 and new wife 43. I know it is hard for DCUM to fathom, but 18yr olds have children all the time.

not true for most families--only in some cultures and SES groups

You are a racist jerk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The original family came first". ??? So does this mean that when your children are ADULTS you still can't do what you want with your life? Can't get remarried? Can't have more kids? Again, I understand, as a much older step sister, that one's feelings can be conflicted about this. But you suck it up, respect your elders, and find a way to be polite. Or you don't go.

Parents did right by us by raising us to 18 and then maybe even paying for or helping with college, weddings, first home down payment.... how much more are they expected to sacrifice? How old do I have to be before my parents get a pass to pursue whatever selfish ends they may wish?

Grandparents come in all stripes, some hands-on, some not. I see on this board all the time, "that sucks that grandma doesn't want to babysit but, you gotta accept it. Gma is under no obligation". Neither is OP's husband.

I don’t respect grandparents who have additional babies. Sure, they can do what they want, but, no, I don’t have to respect them.

And we do not have to respect your bitter, in need of therapy brand of crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and your spouse broke your original families and then got together. Your punishment for causing pain to everyone is that your blended family will always harbor resentment! You have lost your family. Sorry but your own fault.

NP - While I think this statement is on the extreme side, I agree with the general sentiment that actions have consequences. There is a reason there is an ideal of an intact family. In life, we almost always fall short of ideals. But there is a reason we try to come as close to them as possible. It is dangerous to try to pretend that deviations are somehow just as good, when they are in fact flawed, challenging, and at times unfair to many involved. OP and her DH having an infant is really the icing on the cake of narcissistic self-indulgence and la-la land thinking.

OMG! SHUT UP!
You have no footing in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You and your spouse broke your original families and then got together. Your punishment for causing pain to everyone is that your blended family will always harbor resentment! You have lost your family. Sorry but your own fault.

NP - While I think this statement is on the extreme side, I agree with the general sentiment that actions have consequences. There is a reason there is an ideal of an intact family. In life, we almost always fall short of ideals. But there is a reason we try to come as close to them as possible. It is dangerous to try to pretend that deviations are somehow just as good, when they are in fact flawed, challenging, and at times unfair to many involved. OP and her DH having an infant is really the icing on the cake of narcissistic self-indulgence and la-la land thinking.

OMG! SHUT UP!
You have no footing in reality.

What a compelling reply with sound reasoning and examples. I see your point now.

[Anonymous]

In the olden days, women died all the time in childbirth. Lots of step moms, lots of remarried dads. And lots of old fathers. No such thing as birth control. It's perfectly normal for older, remarried people to have babies. I just don't see what the big deal is. I personally wouldn't want to (almost 50; no thanks) but to each their own, if they can afford it and do the work.

[Anonymous]

Noticed OP hasn’t mentioned how old her sugar daddy is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread is crazy! People need to get a grip

Seriously, there is a lot of obsession about the perceived age gap between OP and grandpa + baggage and excuses for a 29 year old woman acting like she's ten because her father and mother were divorced when she was a child and now she has a ten month old sibling. Old people get married and have babies. Clooney's no spring chicken. It's a little weird, but everyone is an adult

NP. Yup! Some of these people posting are cray cray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the olden days, women died all the time in childbirth. Lots of step moms, lots of remarried dads. And lots of old fathers. No such thing as birth control. It's perfectly normal for older, remarried people to have babies. I just don't see what the big deal is. I personally wouldn't want to (almost 50; no thanks) but to each their own, if they can afford it and do the work.

The big deal is that he's choosing that over grandparent time. He has the right to do it, but is it really a big surprise that others are not happy? We can't have everything in life. Choosing to have more children sends a message that he isn't interested in spending time with the children and grandchildren that he already has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

Unless you are OP and know something the rest of us don’t granddad could be in his 60s and retired. OP could be SAH (trophy wives often are) and there is no indication either travels for work. Parents everywhere cover the parenting of one years olds (plus two kids she was single parenting) for a long weekend all the time. As PPs have said, if she wanted simple, she should not have married into a complex family dynamic. And added another kid.

Trophy wives are not 43...

[Anonymous]

^They are if you are 65 or 70...
Obviously, the daughter is upset about these developments - stepmom closer to her in age than to her father, a new sibling that's younger than her own kids, and, most of all, a granddad who won't have any time for grandparenting because he is exhausted from dealing with a new baby and two other very young stepkids at that stage of life (even for a younger parent, 3 young kids is exhausting). OP - you need to be the bigger person and make an effort to build this relationship.
Obviously, norovirus did not make this any better...