At what age would you tell a child about an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are no victims in an affair. The marriage must have been on the rocks before it started.
Just tell a kid that adult life gets complicated. They are definitely not going to loose friends because someone had an affair. Perhaps some fake church friends, but not real ones

Well that's some blame-shifting right there, folks. Affairs happen for all kinds of reasons, but there are absolutely victims. Ask the children of affairs, the children whose parents had affairs and the spouses of those who have chosen to have affairs.

The spouse mist certainly knew the marriage was messed up.
All affairs do not end in divorce. Some marriages are open that way.
If the marriage breaks up then life goes on. It is not a funeral, but a divorce. A legitimate end to an unhappy arrangement

Kids who grew up in unhappy marriages are not better off than those of divorced parents

[Anonymous]

^^^

Missing the point altogether, pp.

[Anonymous]

Betrayed spouse here. I had no idea my marriage was screwed up. My husband and I were having sex 4-5 times a week, went on frequent "unplugged" trips together, surprise each other with little gifts, and recently finished building our retirement home. I literally could not have been more surprised if I had woken up and discovered that he had gotten a sex change overnight.

I wish I were still like you, living in a world where I believed it was impossible for a decades long marriage to collapse with absolutely no warning. It's a much safer, cozier, happier world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's not even close to the whole truth. The truth is always quite complicated. If a husband is awfully cruel to a wife or vice versa it's the cruelty that broke the marriage not the broken person that ran to the safety of another partner. There is character flaws all over the marriage and the only thing that educates correctly is total truth. Partial truth leads to poor learning and a future of poor decisions made from incomplete and misleading nonsense.

No. the cruelty did not break the marriage. Both partners made adult decisions to stay married during the cruelty. If the cruelty broke the marriage, it would look like this:

Husband is extremely cruel to wife. Wife leaves him, initiates divorce.

There is literally NO excuse for "running to the safety of another partner." End your marriage first. Behave like you have morals, are accountable for your actions, and understand that your actions have consequences. It's not hard. Stop trying to justify your behavior. It's not justifiable. Own your poor life choices. Don't expect others to try and accept your disordered thinking.

There is literally no excuse for cruelty either. See. Both people are screw ups.

[Anonymous]

You are shifting the argument. The fact is in your scenario, cruelty did not end the marriage. The affair did.

[Anonymous]

Day of. Kidding. Literally never unless you are such an absolute shit tard incapable of being an adult.

I suppose post divorce. I tell you I had an abortion pro-life Dad and you talk to me about banging the neighbor. Doesn’t that bird need basting... let’s get back to safe topics. Let’s have a go round of let’s pretend!

[Anonymous]

No judgement here, but to answer the OP question:
My mom told me about my dad's affair, which ended their marriage, when I was 21.
My older sister had discovered, or at least strongly suspected, when they divorced. She was 15 at the time, I was 11.

She had a horribly screwed up relationship with our dad throughout her teens and twenties. I couldn't understand as a teen why she was so angry at him, why she seemed to hate him so much. And (although I didn't understand this was connected at the time) I also didn't get why she kept getting into such dysfunctional relationships with boyfriends during high school and college. She truly hated our father as an adolescent, and it F-ed up her relationship with him and with boys.

I've always been close to my dad. When I learned about the affair, it was a shock ... But I was able to separate that action from my relationship with my dad. Yes, I hate what he did ... But that doesn't mean I hate him. I'm still very close with both of my parents. My sister has come around, but it took decades.

So based on my experience, I'd say teens is a terrible time to tell. That's when kids are learning about romantic relationship. It's a horrible thing to impose on them then. I'd advise 20s or never.