At what age would you tell a child about an affair?

[Anonymous]

Let’s say close family members—an aunt and uncle, or grandparents—recently ended a long marriage due to a long term affair. And that the relationship is ongoing with the affair partner. At what age would you reveal to the child why their marriage ended? Let’s say said child is currently 8. Would you wait until 11? 15? 18?

Curious how others have handled this situation. We don’t intend to tell child now, although child is fairly mature and already knows what an affair is (thanks, Hamilton).

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

The child doesn't need to know. Period.

[Anonymous]

Never!

[Anonymous]

Not when they are a child.

Maybe as an older teen if it in response to their questions.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Just thinking child would ask questions given that affair relationship is ongoing after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Just thinking child would ask questions given that affair relationship is ongoing after the divorce.

We have used "I will tell you when you are older" in similar situations.

[Anonymous]

Did the relative flaunt their affair partner at the same time as their spouse?

All kid knows is grandpa was with grandma then they got divorced and now he is with Maria.

Kid will just assume a new relationship post end of relationship with grandma unless there was some very funny business.

[Anonymous]

I would twll an older teen if they were asking questions and not satisfied by vague explanations.

[Anonymous]

Depends on whether the child would actually care. With an aunt or uncle, I just have a hard time seeing that be important to a kid unless they are very close. Or unless it explains behavior that would otherwise seem weird (like kicking someone out of the family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would twll an older teen if they were asking questions and not satisfied by vague explanations.

This. It's better to tell than to lie. Being lied to by one's parents is a very big deal to a teenager. And really, affair-havers don't have any claim to privacy. If they can't stand by their actions they should have chosen better.

[Anonymous]

None of her business, or anyone else's either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Just thinking child would ask questions given that affair relationship is ongoing after the divorce.

“Larla is Uncle Joe’s girlfriend. As you know, Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane got divorced, so they’re free to date other people now.”

[Anonymous]

I would tell my kid around 15. I won’t hide anyone. You cheat, I tell people. You should be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would twll an older teen if they were asking questions and not satisfied by vague explanations.

This. It's better to tell than to lie. Being lied to by one's parents is a very big deal to a teenager. And really, affair-havers don't have any claim to privacy. If they can't stand by their actions they should have chosen better.