At what age would you tell a child about an affair?

[Anonymous]

Neither of my parents ever told me about my father's affair. I found out about it when I read his security clearance docs that were out...i was maybe 16 or 17 at the time. I don't think they know that I know. They are still married.

[Anonymous]

never

[Anonymous]

Why bother? If a child asks just say they fell out of love. Don't get into the blame game.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes a parent will reveal their secret affair to a child on purpose. It is most likely out of guilt, I don't know. It puts the kid in an award position. I know first-hand as my dad did that when I was 12. My mom found out 3 years later. They are still together

[Anonymous]

Probably never. I can’t imagine why the child would want/need to know. If your in-law was having the affair then I’m sure your not going to be seeing that person in the future. I would never have a relationship with my BIL if he were divorced from my sister, esp if he were cheating on her. If my sister had the affair then I would tell my child they got divorced but would probably not allow my kids to meet her partner until it was clear it was kind of serious. Even then I can’t imagine an 8 yr old would be interested in when they met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geeze people. Never. My dad cheated on my mom, resulting in their divorce when I was 2. They were always relatively civil to each other. My mom told me about the cheating when I was 17. I felt like I had been hit with a baseball bat. Never. NEVER.

You had that reaction because you were lied to for 15 years. I in the other hand knew from 10 years old that the reading my parents split up was because my dad cheated. They tried the “ fell out of love”. BS but switched to the truth because I though it was BS and my younger sisters tarted questioning if our dad would stop loving her. My parents were always cordial to each other so there was no drama or parental alienation.

[Anonymous]

My mom cheated on my step dad when I was 13/14... they are still married and i stilll don’t respect either of them.

[Anonymous]

I found out about my dad’s affair at 14. I had to be told because his affair resulted in 2 half siblings. This occurred before my birth but I had wondered why they split and got back together. I had less anger at the affair than how I was told. I was told abruptly and without consideration for my feelings. My parents also liked to act the part of perfect Christian family so they became hipocrits to me.

[Anonymous]

I think you tell them as older teens. People have a right to know their family history, good and bad, and you don't want your child naively growing up thinking that affairs happen in "other people's families" or "people I know wouldn't do that." It does them no good to go into the world thinking only people who are fundamentally different from those they know and live could have such failings. It's good for children who are approaching adulthood to realize that even those they love have made poor choices and mistakes - helps them realize they are not magically immune to it themselves- that they should make their own choices carefully, and not look down on others whose families issues may be more public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geeze people. Never. My dad cheated on my mom, resulting in their divorce when I was 2. They were always relatively civil to each other. My mom told me about the cheating when I was 17. I felt like I had been hit with a baseball bat. Never. NEVER.

You had that reaction because you were lied to for 15 years.

+1

We're honest with our kids.

That being said, I can't imagine volunteering the info unless one of them asked about the marriage, why they broke up, or something similar.

[Anonymous]

When age appropriate and the person who cheated, or the person who was cheated on decides to share. Otherwise you are promoting gossip.

[Anonymous]

My dad never told me about the affair he had while he was married to his second wife. I only found out after he died. His third wife gave me some pictures and other items of his and I only figured it out by putting dates of their relationship together.

[Anonymous]

Age appropriate truth in all cases. Under age 12 or so, stick with something neutral such as spouse A made a decision to leave spouse B. Older kids, tell them spouse A had been have a long term affair and the marriage couldn't be saved.

Why on earth would you lie for someone else? You don't have to cast judgement about the situation. But lying is just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Why bother? If a child asks just say they fell out of love. Don't get into the blame game.

This wins the award for worst parenting strategy of the day.

Did you also tell your kids that their Grandparents just "left us" when they died? Or that cousin Larlo just "went away for awhile" when he went to prison?

Actions have consequences. Stop using the passive voice and teach your children that humans have agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid around 15. I won’t hide anyone. You cheat, I tell people. You should be embarrassed.

It’s so classy to use your kid as a weapon against someone else.

I’m not lying for you are anyone. I’m honest with my kid. Sorry not sorry.

You cannot be so narrowed minded when a kid(s) is involved. Grow up.