Single moms and dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is literally the case that any woman can find a man willing to have sex with her. It’s all about what you are looking for

Every American woman, even if she is fat, over 40, has several kids, and is uneducated and unemployed, thinks she deserves a 6' 2" CEO with six-pack abs and no kids, who will treat her like a princess.

[Anonymous]

My hope everyone would be adult enough to work within the custody agreement so that, for example, a dad could spend an extra day here or there with his kids.

The original rhetorical question, if it was you, was "what is preventing your exDH (or child's father) from spending time with his kid and giving you some free time?" as if the man had some obligation to do this and would be unreasonable to refuse. If she asks nicely and he is willing to, that's fine, but he has no obligation to do so, and she should not assume that he will when she makes her plans.

Some what? Some more free time? He should be willing to trade time with her subject to the understanding that she would give up some free time we he needed her to do so.

No. They made a schedule. She agreed to it. She should stick to it. Among other things, you want to keep things stable for the kids. If they expect mom to be home with them on Friday, then she should be home. If she says she has to work late on an important project, that is another matter, and even then, you are not required to agree. But, if she says "hey can you drop everything you want to do so I can go date some guy I met on Tinder" his answer should be eff off, do that on your own non-custodial day.

You assume that his free time is less valuable than hers. It isn't, and no exDH will see it that way.

He should. Few men have the kids for greater periods of time than their former wifes so it is likely he already has time.

And guess what, if she has more custodial time and he has less custodial time, most likely she demanded that during the divorce. She made her bed, let her sleep in it. If she wants the majority of the custodial time and wants him to give up his free time so she can date, his answer should be sorry, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

He could work with her (BTW - you do not "babysit" your own kids) so that she would take them when he needs it. Who cares what she does with her time? I could not care any less if my exDW banged the entire Redskins team along with the entire Cowboys team when the Cowboys came to town. It is called "divorce" for a reason and being bitter about her sex life is sign you are not over her.

Yes, it is called divorce for a reason. One of its consequences is that he no longer has any incentive or obligation to "work with her" beyond what the legally binding agreement specifies. He does not need to do her any favors, and if he doesn't want to, she has no basis for complaint. It does not mean he is "bitter" and "not over her" if he says she can only date on days she does not have custody. She can do whatever she wants on her non-custodial days; she does not get to re-arrange his calendar for her convenience. That's what it means to be divorced.

If I wanted more time with kids (when it worked within everyone's schedule) and she wanted a night without them (to bang whomever), why would I care as long she would do the same for me when I need a night without them? Maybe I need a night to bang the Redskins/Cowboy cheerleading teams and she would take the kids on my night since I did the same for her. I assure, my exDW does not care at all what I do with my time as well.

Are you sure she would do the same for you? If things were that amicable and cooperative, why did you get divorced in the first place? I can see this easily becoming a habit for her that she takes your flexibility for granted, and then later she gets all pissy when you finally put your foot down and say no. It is better and easier to not even go down that road. Let everyone live up to the agreement they signed, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My hope everyone would be adult enough to work within the custody agreement so that, for example, a dad could spend an extra day here or there with his kids.

The original rhetorical question, if it was you, was "what is preventing your exDH (or child's father) from spending time with his kid and giving you some free time?" as if the man had some obligation to do this and would be unreasonable to refuse. If she asks nicely and he is willing to, that's fine, but he has no obligation to do so, and she should not assume that he will when she makes her plans.

Some what? Some more free time? He should be willing to trade time with her subject to the understanding that she would give up some free time we he needed her to do so.

No. They made a schedule. She agreed to it. She should stick to it. Among other things, you want to keep things stable for the kids. If they expect mom to be home with them on Friday, then she should be home. If she says she has to work late on an important project, that is another matter, and even then, you are not required to agree. But, if she says "hey can you drop everything you want to do so I can go date some guy I met on Tinder" his answer should be eff off, do that on your own non-custodial day.

You assume that his free time is less valuable than hers. It isn't, and no exDH will see it that way.

He should. Few men have the kids for greater periods of time than their former wifes so it is likely he already has time.

And guess what, if she has more custodial time and he has less custodial time, most likely she demanded that during the divorce. She made her bed, let her sleep in it. If she wants the majority of the custodial time and wants him to give up his free time so she can date, his answer should be sorry, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

He could work with her (BTW - you do not "babysit" your own kids) so that she would take them when he needs it. Who cares what she does with her time? I could not care any less if my exDW banged the entire Redskins team along with the entire Cowboys team when the Cowboys came to town. It is called "divorce" for a reason and being bitter about her sex life is sign you are not over her.

Yes, it is called divorce for a reason. One of its consequences is that he no longer has any incentive or obligation to "work with her" beyond what the legally binding agreement specifies. He does not need to do her any favors, and if he doesn't want to, she has no basis for complaint. It does not mean he is "bitter" and "not over her" if he says she can only date on days she does not have custody. She can do whatever she wants on her non-custodial days; she does not get to re-arrange his calendar for her convenience. That's what it means to be divorced.

If I wanted more time with kids (when it worked within everyone's schedule) and she wanted a night without them (to bang whomever), why would I care as long she would do the same for me when I need a night without them? Maybe I need a night to bang the Redskins/Cowboy cheerleading teams and she would take the kids on my night since I did the same for her. I assure, my exDW does not care at all what I do with my time as well.

Are you sure she would do the same for you? If things were that amicable and cooperative, why did you get divorced in the first place? I can see this easily becoming a habit for her that she takes your flexibility for granted, and then later she gets all pissy when you finally put your foot down and say no. It is better and easier to not even go down that road. Let everyone live up to the agreement they signed, period.

Frankly, you just sound like you don't want to spend any time with your kids at all. Babysitting your own kids? SMH.

[Anonymous]

If she says she has to work late on an important project, that is another matter, and even then, you are not required to agree. But, if she says "hey can you drop everything you want to do so I can go date some guy I met on Tinder" his answer should be eff off, do that on your own non-custodial day.

This statement proves my point about bitterness. You are right in that you do not have to do anything that is not called for in the custodial agreement or divorce decree. My point was that you should not care why she asks to take the kids an extra night. If you are worried about who your ex-wife finds on Tinder you have much bigger problems then addressing her request.

The reason for taking the kids on the specific night she asked should be: 1) you want to see them more and it would be a great night to do so; or 2) she has been good about takng them when you needed her to; or 3) you know she will return the favor; or 4) all of these.

Telling her that you will take the kids if she has to work but not if she has something social sends a strong message about how much you care about her dating life. I got divorced because I did not care who ex-wife dated and still do not. If I can help her out, I will and know she will do the same.

My life is rich enough and full enough that I have many things to care about. My ex-wife's Tinder dating habits are not among them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If she says she has to work late on an important project, that is another matter, and even then, you are not required to agree. But, if she says "hey can you drop everything you want to do so I can go date some guy I met on Tinder" his answer should be eff off, do that on your own non-custodial day.

This statement proves my point about bitterness. You are right in that you do not have to do anything that is not called for in the custodial agreement or divorce decree. My point was that you should not care why she asks to take the kids an extra night. If you are worried about who your ex-wife finds on Tinder you have much bigger problems then addressing her request.

The reason for taking the kids on the specific night she asked should be: 1) you want to see them more and it would be a great night to do so; or 2) she has been good about takng them when you needed her to; or 3) you know she will return the favor; or 4) all of these.

Telling her that you will take the kids if she has to work but not if she has something social sends a strong message about how much you care about her dating life. I got divorced because I did not care who ex-wife dated and still do not. If I can help her out, I will and know she will do the same.

My life is rich enough and full enough that I have many things to care about. My ex-wife's Tinder dating habits are not among them.

You're so great her big loss to lose you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an early 40s out of shape single mom; do I stand a chance at all? Very accepting of different body types and the only 2 things I am looking for are sex and willingness to expose me to various experiences- from an interesting (not necessarily fancy) restaurant to a night at a resort/hotel, to a day of hiking plus lunch with a view.

Could you fit in a rowboat?

I am 5’7” and 180 lb.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, you just sound like you don't want to spend any time with your kids at all. Babysitting your own kids? SMH.

You are wrong. I have 50/50 custody. I take the kids to extracurriculars on days when she has custody. But I have no obligation to adjust my schedule to suit her whims, and she knows better than to ask me.

In this example, it is in fact the woman who sounds like she does not want to spend any time with her kids at all. She's trying to set up dates on days when she has custody FFS. Obviously her romantic life is more important to her than her kids.

You are an adult. You know what the schedule is, because you agreed to it. Plan your life accordingly. Attempts to guilt-trip me into doing what you want with "you don't care about your kids" nonsense will meet with the contempt they deserve.

If you are worried about who your ex-wife finds on Tinder you have much bigger problems then addressing her request.

You really struggle with reading comprehension and getting the point. I don't care at all what she does with her time, on her non-custodial days. But if she thinks I'm going to adjust my schedule for something that is not a work or child-related emergency, she is utterly mistaken.

The reason for taking the kids on the specific night she asked should be: 1) you want to see them more and it would be a great night to do so; or 2) she has been good about takng them when you needed her to; or 3) you know she will return the favor; or 4) all of these.

But none of those were given as reasons in the original comment to which I responded.

Telling her that you will take the kids if she has to work but not if she has something social sends a strong message about how much you care about her dating life.

Nope. It sends a strong message that she should confine her dating life to days when she does not have custody. Why is this so hard for you to understand?

I got divorced because I did not care who ex-wife dated and still do not. If I can help her out, I will and know she will do the same.

You sound like a schmuck whose wife got disgusted because he was a doormat. And you still are.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a schmuck whose wife got disgusted because he was a doormat. And you still are.

I am sure your exDH hates you. And with good reason. Your anger is so clear in every response. Did she cheat on you? Good for her. I am sure whomever she was with was better than you at everything that mattered.

But I have no obligation to adjust my schedule to suit her whims, and she knows better than to ask me.
But, if she says "hey can you drop everything you want to do so I can go date some guy I met on Tinder" his answer should be eff off, do that on your own non-custodial day.
Attempts to guilt-trip me into doing what you want with "you don't care about your kids" nonsense will meet with the contempt they deserve.
I don't care at all what she does with her time, on her non-custodial days. But if she thinks I'm going to adjust my schedule for something that is not a work or child-related emergency, she is utterly mistaken.
Nope. It sends a strong message that she should confine her dating life to days when she does not have custody.

You are either not smart enough (very likely) or too angry (also very likely) to read what you have posted and see the pettiness in it. Worse, you believe this pettiness is perceived as strength when instead people see it for what it really is, weakness born of the loss you felt when she left you. You suggest that you would meet her questions with "contempt they deserve." I am sure your Ex has met contempt, and that she feels it for herself for every being with you.

She "knows better" than to ask you? Be honest. Were you physically abusive when you were married and she asked you something she should have known better than to ask? Did you need to be abusive to show her you were not a "doormat"? You sad, weak little boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35, single, with a 9yo DD. In theory, I'd like to meet another single dad, but I've had better success with single men without kids. DD is with Dad every weekend so I actually have quite a bit of free time each week. I met a single dad who had his DD every weekend. In addition to our schedules being incompatible, I felt he used his DD as an alibi sometimes. That really annoyed me as a single parent, because it illustrates why childless people are sometimes guarded with us. I was in a relationship with a single dad this year and thought, finally, someone who gets it. He had primary custody of his girls. I later found out that he had a son that he hadn't mentioned from outside of his marriage.

It's been MUCH easier to date single guys without kids and that's primarily what I've always attracted. However, the older I get, the less open I am to having another kid. The guys I've dated who were serious about settling down longterm were those who wanted to start a family vice remarry.

Dating is totally different from marriage. No idea why a single guy would marry a woman who already has minor children. It's different if the children are adults but then they can still be a headache.

Well single men marrying moms isn’t a new thing or unusual, but definitely not for you. I think we’re all cool with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35, single, with a 9yo DD. In theory, I'd like to meet another single dad, but I've had better success with single men without kids. DD is with Dad every weekend so I actually have quite a bit of free time each week. I met a single dad who had his DD every weekend. In addition to our schedules being incompatible, I felt he used his DD as an alibi sometimes. That really annoyed me as a single parent, because it illustrates why childless people are sometimes guarded with us. I was in a relationship with a single dad this year and thought, finally, someone who gets it. He had primary custody of his girls. I later found out that he had a son that he hadn't mentioned from outside of his marriage.

It's been MUCH easier to date single guys without kids and that's primarily what I've always attracted. However, the older I get, the less open I am to having another kid. The guys I've dated who were serious about settling down longterm were those who wanted to start a family vice remarry.

Dating is totally different from marriage. No idea why a single guy would marry a woman who already has minor children. It's different if the children are adults but then they can still be a headache.

Well single men marrying moms isn’t a new thing or unusual, but definitely not for you. I think we’re all cool with that.

It's not new but it indicates that the guy couldn't get a higher value prospect.

[Anonymous]

It's not new but it indicates that the guy couldn't get a higher value prospect.

Hot, fun, and wants him around is high value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kind of O/T but what do people think of single moms priorities other things (dating, career etc) over their children? Do we think that's great they're also focusing on themselves? Or do we judge and think they're a bad parent?

I have no respect for single moms who helicopter their children until age 25 then say "it's my time now--I want a relationship." I run into those far too often in on-line dating.

Why in the world would you hold this against someone? It is the way they want to live their lives and enjoy being a parent -- not for everyone, but certainly not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's not new but it indicates that the guy couldn't get a higher value prospect.

Hot, fun, and wants him around is high value.

Very few single moms are hot in the conventional sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not new but it indicates that the guy couldn't get a higher value prospect.

Hot, fun, and wants him around is high value.

Very few single moms are hot in the conventional sense.

Hot enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not new but it indicates that the guy couldn't get a higher value prospect.

Hot, fun, and wants him around is high value.

Very few single moms are hot in the conventional sense.

No need to be cruel. People are simply looking for companionship. If hotness is your goal, look elsewhere. Most parents know this is a metric that doesn’t matter very much.