Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

Ridiculous gf is uncomfortable. Clearly things are completely platonic btw the two of you since you’ve been doing trips like this together for several years. I would say no to her coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again! Just talked to my guy friend. Yesterday I had sent him a text telling him I needed some time to think about this because it was feeling a but like a lose-lose situation for me. He came in to my office this morning, stopped me from saying anything about it and said he thought about it a lot after I sent that text and that he was fully rescinding his ask for her to come. He realized it would make me uncomfortable and didn't want to do that since we planned this before I knew about the girl. And that he promises he is still very excited and that we are going to have a great time. So it looks like problem solved for now.

Apparently GF is not happy about it, but they've talked about it a lot and he promises they will be fine about it. It sounds like the trip can go on as planned, guy friend and I can have a good time on our last hurrah. I'm glad he did what I thought was the right thing and didn't make me be the bad guy here.

Now that you got what you wanted can you tell us if you are male or female?

Are you serious? It’s been made clear several times that OP is female.

Why wouldn't I be serious? Where does she say I'm a woman?

I'm the pp and yes I have. Also, there are plenty of wives/girlfriends who do not want their husbands to go away with their ( male ) buddies!

I suspected the op was a woman but, no where in this thread did she claim that she was.

Have you EVER heard a man refer to his friend as "my guy friend?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

You live on another planet if you think most anyone would be fine with their new boyfriend/girlfriend jetting off on a vacation with an opposite sex friend. Get a clue. It may be jealousy but it’s appropriate and normal.

+1. If I were dating a guy who did this, I'd probably end the relationship.

When my husband and I started dating he went to visit a female friend from college. He’d made the plans before he met me. I certainly never considered that I had a right to ask him not to go! She was a known man-stealer, too. I doubt anything happened, but if it did, so what? We’ve been happily married for 18 years, and this was in 1996. We visited her together the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

You live on another planet if you think most anyone would be fine with their new boyfriend/girlfriend jetting off on a vacation with an opposite sex friend. Get a clue. It may be jealousy but it’s appropriate and normal.

+1. If I were dating a guy who did this, I'd probably end the relationship.

Why exactly? He's not sleeping with OP. They are long time friends who have traveled together before. This trip was planned and paid for before the GF was in the picture. You would end a relationship just because you are jealous?

That seems...crazy.

I’m not so sure I’d believe they weren’t sleeping together, especially if OP had asked me not to go. Can you not understand that from GF’s perspective? Not crazy in the least.

The boyfriend has met new girlfriend 3x in person/real life... OP is not the one telling new girlfriend not to go. OP is just going on a trip that was planned and paid for long before new girlfriend was in the picture. So yeah, I suppose new girlfriend is insecure about her new relationship and the trip her new boyfriend is taking with a long time travel companion. She needs to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right? If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

You live on another planet if you think most anyone would be fine with their new boyfriend/girlfriend jetting off on a vacation with an opposite sex friend. Get a clue. It may be jealousy but it’s appropriate and normal.

+1. If I were dating a guy who did this, I'd probably end the relationship.

Why exactly? He's not sleeping with OP. They are long time friends who have traveled together before. This trip was planned and paid for before the GF was in the picture. You would end a relationship just because you are jealous?

That seems...crazy.

I’m not so sure I’d believe they weren’t sleeping together, especially if OP had asked me not to go. Can you not understand that from GF’s perspective? Not crazy in the least.

She doesn’t have to believe anything. But they aren’t sleeping together, so if she believes that, she would be wrong. I can understand asking the question, but if the boyfriend says no, either you believe him and trust or you don’t. If you don’t believe him and trust him, then why are you dating him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right? If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa.

This is OP. For the record, our friendship has never been anything but platonic. We’ve never slept together. I can’t even remember a time when we have even hugged to be honest. We work in the same small department of 6 people, for the same boss. I love him, but like family. He’s a super human being, but the though of being physical with him kinda makes me want to vom a bit.

Also for the record, the way this ended up going down, I texted him and said I felt like I was in a tough spot and could he not say anything to GF yet because I wanted some time to think about it. He came to me this morning and immediately rescinded his ask and said it was wrong of him to do without me saying anything. So, I never ended up asking him to not invite her or anything of the sort. He was the one that said he wanted to keep the trip as is. And he’s in a gosh darn good mood today, so I don’t think there is too much trouble in paradise, although it does sound like he’s been more upset about it than he originally let on.

I’m open to her being awesome and really sincerely hope we can be friends. I would love that. But I’ve decided I’m not going to feel guilty about not wanting to travel with a) a brand new loved up couple and b) a stranger. If they had been dating a couple years and we all knew each other well, I would feel differently. But I honestly don’t think I’d want to third wheel my with my best girlfriend if she was bribing a brand new boyfriend either.

I think I’ve been honorable here. I think my friend has been honorable and honest with the new girl. This would have been possibly avoided if he had told me he was talking to her when we booked the trip, but he didn’t. Anything else from here on out is on them. (Also, he said he didn’t even know if she would be able to go - he had not discussed the possibility of her coming with her at all).

[Anonymous]

*shes been a bit more upset about it than he originally let on. Stupid phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right? If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa.

First off, it's definitely weird to go on a vacation with a couple. Second, the gf is a complete stranger. The gf could very well be a lovely person who OP may not enjoying traveling with. Her friend is the one who made the situation awkward by inviting his gf. He could've made it clear that the plans were made and paid for before they started dating and left it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right? If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa.

This is OP. For the record, our friendship has never been anything but platonic. We’ve never slept together. I can’t even remember a time when we have even hugged to be honest. We work in the same small department of 6 people, for the same boss. I love him, but like family. He’s a super human being, but the though of being physical with him kinda makes me want to vom a bit.

Also for the record, the way this ended up going down, I texted him and said I felt like I was in a tough spot and could he not say anything to GF yet because I wanted some time to think about it. He came to me this morning and immediately rescinded his ask and said it was wrong of him to do without me saying anything. So, I never ended up asking him to not invite her or anything of the sort. He was the one that said he wanted to keep the trip as is. And he’s in a gosh darn good mood today, so I don’t think there is too much trouble in paradise, although it does sound like he’s been more upset about it than he originally let on.

I’m open to her being awesome and really sincerely hope we can be friends. I would love that. But I’ve decided I’m not going to feel guilty about not wanting to travel with a) a brand new loved up couple and b) a stranger. If they had been dating a couple years and we all knew each other well, I would feel differently. But I honestly don’t think I’d want to third wheel my with my best girlfriend if she was bribing a brand new boyfriend either.

I think I’ve been honorable here. I think my friend has been honorable and honest with the new girl. This would have been possibly avoided if he had told me he was talking to her when we booked the trip, but he didn’t. Anything else from here on out is on them. (Also, he said he didn’t even know if she would be able to go - he had not discussed the possibility of her coming with her at all).

Agreed, honorable and mature all the way around. Enjoy the trip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

You live on another planet if you think most anyone would be fine with their new boyfriend/girlfriend jetting off on a vacation with an opposite sex friend. Get a clue. It may be jealousy but it’s appropriate and normal.

+1. If I were dating a guy who did this, I'd probably end the relationship.

Why exactly? He's not sleeping with OP. They are long time friends who have traveled together before. This trip was planned and paid for before the GF was in the picture. You would end a relationship just because you are jealous?

That seems...crazy.

Maybe it's crazy. It's just not something I want in a partner. Since OP doesn't want her going and bf rescinded the offer, the whole thing would look sketchy to me. Maybe it's not, but there are so many fish out there, I'd be fine tossing this one back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

You live on another planet if you think most anyone would be fine with their new boyfriend/girlfriend jetting off on a vacation with an opposite sex friend. Get a clue. It may be jealousy but it’s appropriate and normal.

+1. If I were dating a guy who did this, I'd probably end the relationship.

Why exactly? He's not sleeping with OP. They are long time friends who have traveled together before. This trip was planned and paid for before the GF was in the picture. You would end a relationship just because you are jealous?

That seems...crazy.

Maybe it's crazy. It's just not something I want in a partner. Since OP doesn't want her going and bf rescinded the offer, the whole thing would look sketchy to me. Maybe it's not, but there are so many fish out there, I'd be fine tossing this one back.

So you think OP should get screwed over just so a girl she doesn’t know who has no reason to be jealous doesn’t maybe get jealous?

This says way more about you than it does OP or her friend. A mature woman with self-confidence and trust in her boyfriend would not think this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy has been hung up on you for years, and you know it. You’ve lapped up the attention from your “best guy friend”.

I’m glad he met someone that he seems smitten for. Guys (and gals) like your friend can get hung up on someone like you for years. Good thing he’s moving on.

Expect your friendship with him to change considerably if his new relationship goes the distance. That’s what’s healthy and normal.

Are you over 50? Who says smitten other than my grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Odd are they wont last out the year. Long distance + insecure woman. Not exactly real girlfriend material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right? If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa.

This is OP. For the record, our friendship has never been anything but platonic. We’ve never slept together. I can’t even remember a time when we have even hugged to be honest. We work in the same small department of 6 people, for the same boss. I love him, but like family. He’s a super human being, but the though of being physical with him kinda makes me want to vom a bit.

Also for the record, the way this ended up going down, I texted him and said I felt like I was in a tough spot and could he not say anything to GF yet because I wanted some time to think about it. He came to me this morning and immediately rescinded his ask and said it was wrong of him to do without me saying anything. So, I never ended up asking him to not invite her or anything of the sort. He was the one that said he wanted to keep the trip as is. And he’s in a gosh darn good mood today, so I don’t think there is too much trouble in paradise, although it does sound like he’s been more upset about it than he originally let on.

I’m open to her being awesome and really sincerely hope we can be friends. I would love that. But I’ve decided I’m not going to feel guilty about not wanting to travel with a) a brand new loved up couple and b) a stranger. If they had been dating a couple years and we all knew each other well, I would feel differently. But I honestly don’t think I’d want to third wheel my with my best girlfriend if she was bribing a brand new boyfriend either.

I think I’ve been honorable here. I think my friend has been honorable and honest with the new girl. This would have been possibly avoided if he had told me he was talking to her when we booked the trip, but he didn’t. Anything else from here on out is on them. (Also, he said he didn’t even know if she would be able to go - he had not discussed the possibility of her coming with her at all).

You are wayyy too mature and emotionally healthy for this site.