Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my best guy friend. Guy friend and I work together and have become really good friends over the last 4 years. We've both been single (him more than I) a decent amount of that time, but our friendship has never gotten even remotely close to being any thing other than friendship. I love him, but the thought is completely revolting to me.

Guy friend and I have traveled quite a bit because, well, we both wanted to and needed travel buddies. We sometimes go with another friend of ours. In June, we decided to plan an international trip in September. We both have been very excited. However, guy friend did not tell me until last week that he met a girl and started a long-distance relationship with her sometime in late spring. From what I understand it was mostly a texting thing for a few months, but they now have seen each other in person about three times and he is head over heels.

Yesterday, guy friend says that new GF isn't super comfortable with our trip plans. He then asks me if its OK if he invites her to come with us.

I don't know what to do. I fully understand the awkwardness of the timing of how this has all worked out, but I had no idea about this girl till last week. I've never met her. I've paid a lot of money for a trip and I'm not sure I want to go with someone that I will maybe meet once before spending a week with. I don't want to be sudden third wheel on a couple's trip. I'm upset he's put me in this position, I was so excited for this trip. I feel like I'm going to be the a-hole if I say no, even though he told me it was totally fine for me to say no. But I feel like this trip is not going to be at all what I planned if she comes.

Does anyone have any good advice on how to handle this one? I've asked him to not say anything to her yet because I need time to think about it and am feeling a bit uncomfortable about the situation he's put me in, and I think that made him upset.

How is this even a question gf comes before female friend. I would be very unpleased and suspicious if my boy friend told me I couldn't go on a trip that him and his female friend were going on. Like why? What are they doing that I can't be there for. If this was a guy's only trip that would be completely different but no I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with my bf going on a trip alone with another woman that wasn't his relative. If it's innocent then gf should be fine coming along right?

[Anonymous]

If my bf told me I wasn't welcome on a trip with someone who is just a female friend and it's just my bf and his female friend and it's to a romantic place like you mentioned all kind of red flags are waving everywhere. If a friend IRL came and told me this was her scenario I would tell her to quit being so niave and open her eyes and see what's going on and to run fast because clearly there is something deeper there. Clearly platonic opposite sex friends don't take solo trips to a romantic spot and then tell their SO they can't go WTAF

[Anonymous]

Hey idiots...this post is from 2018

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my bf told me I wasn't welcome on a trip with someone who is just a female friend and it's just my bf and his female friend and it's to a romantic place like you mentioned all kind of red flags are waving everywhere. If a friend IRL came and told me this was her scenario I would tell her to quit being so niave and open her eyes and see what's going on and to run fast because clearly there is something deeper there. Clearly platonic opposite sex friends don't take solo trips to a romantic spot and then tell their SO they can't go WTAF

And the reasoning that plans shouldn't change is because they booked the trip before the guy friend was dating and he was only dating her a few months and they were long distance.

In 2018 people decided the GF was totally out of line for being WTF?

For me the telling thing was that OP insisted there was no possible way for her to have fun unless it was just her and guy friend. And that she was"resentful" of any plans changing, not just annoyed, but resentful. Also telling that the only and acceptable right choice according to OP was her guy bestie going solo on the trip with her like him deciding to stay home and she replaces him with another friend or just her traveling alone were just not even options. But in 2018 people were totally buying her BS.

And the guy friend who OP admitted previously had a crush on her probably thought OP pouting about any change in plans means she really did like him.


ANd DCUMERs like to act like female friends don;t pull this possesive shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have gf take your place on the trip and your friend can reimburse you for any expense like change of tickets to her, etc. both your friend and his new gf sound lame.

This.

Or just go alone.

[Anonymous]

If my husband had pulled this nonsense when we were dating, he wouldn’t have become my husband because he wouldn’t have remained a boyfriend.. not unless he ditched you or you made it a point to be truly kind to me and nice to him, meaning you were truly happy he’d found someone who wanted to be with him emotionally and physically.

Repulse is a strong word, op. I’m repulsed by a lot of things.. another human being isn’t one of them especially a human being I like enough to want to travel with. What’s wrong with you?I wouldn’t want my boyfriend/husband around anybody who found them repulsive. I wouldn’t want my kids around someone who found them repulsive.

I’m also surprised nobody has mentioned this, if I was the girl, I’d be worried I’d met a couple of scammers, first the guy who wants to be my boyfriend has a trip planned with another woman, a woman who doesn’t want me around because she’s “uncomfortable” and then “has to think about it”.. and then there is talk of me needing to “buy her or maybe him out of the trip” a trip I knew nothing about. I think I’d be done with the relationship.

You must really want this guy to stay single, op.

[Anonymous]

I once went on a trip with my best friend and her relatively new boyfriend. It was pretty terrible, I can’t recommend it. I think it was worse because they were newly dating.

[Anonymous]

Can we be serious for just a minute? People in relationships don't go on vacations with friends of the opposite sex. (or if they are gay, friends of the same sex). If that is not in "Life's Little Instruction Book," it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford to, I’d give him the option of not going and try to find a different friend to go with.

+1. I would not go with the 2 of them because that is there first trip as a couple and all the reasons people have already stated...it's like going on their first weekend away...how odd.
But yes, ask him to buy you out and find a friend to go with you last minute if that's an option.

[Anonymous]

So random that this thread came back to life. I'm the OP.

If anyone wants an update, here it is.

My best guy friend (still my best guy friend) told his new gf that we were still going on the trip and that she wasn't invited this time around. I offered to have her buy me out of my part of the trip, but he didn't feel right asking me to do that. She wasn't thrilled about the whole thing, but trusted him (as she should), and eventually got over it. We had an amazing time on the trip.

The gf ended up moving to DC and the three of us hung out a ton and became really great friends. We even talked about taking Europe trips together. They eventually got engaged but had wedding plans ruined with COVID. Unfortunately they decided to end things just a few months ago after three years together and she moved back to her hometown, which is a bummer because we all had a great time together. They are both moving on well.

I recently met a great guy who I really care about and him and the guy friend get a long great. Guy friend and I took another trip together shortly after I met new guy that was planned well before I met him. New guy didn't bat an eyelash at it because he's an emotionally healthy dude who trusts me. The three of us hang out a lot. Everyone is happy.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP is so lucky to have 2 sexless threesomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP is so lucky to have 2 sexless threesomes.

OP here. I do indeed feel quite lucky to have several good, close friendships in my life. I also feel very fortunate to be in a healthy and trusting relationship that is far from sexless. But keep projecting...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP is so lucky to have 2 sexless threesomes.

OP here. I do indeed feel quite lucky to have several good, close friendships in my life. I also feel very fortunate to be in a healthy and trusting relationship that is far from sexless. But keep projecting...

+1 for OP Sounds like you are lucky to have good friends!! And thanks for the update!!

[Anonymous]

OP is lying through her teeth or she is just incredibly obtuse. They broke up because GF finally realized she would never come before you and your new BF will eventually realize that too.

You and your bestie just need to get together and stop wasting other people's time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So random that this thread came back to life. I'm the OP.

If anyone wants an update, here it is.

My best guy friend (still my best guy friend) told his new gf that we were still going on the trip and that she wasn't invited this time around. I offered to have her buy me out of my part of the trip, but he didn't feel right asking me to do that. She wasn't thrilled about the whole thing, but trusted him (as she should), and eventually got over it. We had an amazing time on the trip.

The gf ended up moving to DC and the three of us hung out a ton and became really great friends. We even talked about taking Europe trips together. They eventually got engaged but had wedding plans ruined with COVID. Unfortunately they decided to end things just a few months ago after three years together and she moved back to her hometown, which is a bummer because we all had a great time together. They are both moving on well.

I recently met a great guy who I really care about and him and the guy friend get a long great. Guy friend and I took another trip together shortly after I met new guy that was planned well before I met him. New guy didn't bat an eyelash at it because he's an emotionally healthy dude who trusts me. The three of us hang out a lot. Everyone is happy.

You just started dating a new guy, your best broke up with his gf just a few months ago, but you planned a solo trip with him a long time ago? What the actual hell?