Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way should you say yes. This is a GUYS' trip not a 3rd wheel trip. She sounds like a controlling, insecure nutcase - she's "not comfortable" with her brand new boyfriend fulfilling a commitment he made before he even knew her? I would respond with something like, "Dude, are you f*%*^ crazy? I'm sure she is a lovely woman and I look forward to spending time with the two of you at some point, but there is no way I'm going on this trip as a 3rd wheel." Don't feel guilty - just help him see the absolute absurdity of his ask. If she is this controlling after only 3 dates, God help this guy if he marries her. Your friendship will be toast.

And I can't believe people above are telling you that you should let her come.

I agree with this. I would even say it with the tone this poster is suggesting. I would add, however, not only "there's not way I'm going on this trip as a 3rd wheel, AND WITH SOMEONE I DON"T KNOW"

Because arguably, if you didn't add that last part, your friend would argue "no way. there's no way you'd be the 3rd wheel. I know you better than I know her. I'd make sure of that" but then it would absolutely happen even if your friend didn't intend for it to happen.

Seriously, I'd take the emotion out of it and just say it straight out. Dude, I'm sure she's great and I look forward to meeting and getting to know her when you guys get more serious, but there's just no way I can go on this trip with someone I don't know and be a 3rd wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way should you say yes. This is a GUYS' trip not a 3rd wheel trip. She sounds like a controlling, insecure nutcase - she's "not comfortable" with her brand new boyfriend fulfilling a commitment he made before he even knew her? I would respond with something like, "Dude, are you f*%*^ crazy? I'm sure she is a lovely woman and I look forward to spending time with the two of you at some point, but there is no way I'm going on this trip as a 3rd wheel." Don't feel guilty - just help him see the absolute absurdity of his ask. If she is this controlling after only 3 dates, God help this guy if he marries her. Your friendship will be toast.

And I can't believe people above are telling you that you should let her come.

I could be wrong, but I believe OP is a woman.

[Anonymous]

I'd try and get out of it, let them go alone, or find someone to take his place.

[Anonymous]

Can you invite another friend so it's the 4 of you?

This is a tough one, OP. I sympathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way should you say yes. This is a GUYS' trip not a 3rd wheel trip. She sounds like a controlling, insecure nutcase - she's "not comfortable" with her brand new boyfriend fulfilling a commitment he made before he even knew her? I would respond with something like, "Dude, are you f*%*^ crazy? I'm sure she is a lovely woman and I look forward to spending time with the two of you at some point, but there is no way I'm going on this trip as a 3rd wheel." Don't feel guilty - just help him see the absolute absurdity of his ask. If she is this controlling after only 3 dates, God help this guy if he marries her. Your friendship will be toast.

And I can't believe people above are telling you that you should let her come.

Op didn't mention whether they are male or female. Op sounded female to me. Would that make a difference,, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I planned a trip with a friend to go visit an expat friend of ours and suddenly friend 1's husband was coming along and i had already sunk money into this trip. For part of the trip I was the tagalong third wheel and it sucked. Once we got to our friend (who was also married but her husband hadn't taken time off from work because he smartly read the room that this wasn't a couples thing) it got better but the trip sucked for a bit there for me and they want us to do this again because apparently it was terrific for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have gf take your place on the trip and your friend can reimburse you for any expense like change of tickets to her, etc. both your friend and his new gf sound lame.

Agree with this

[Anonymous]

I would cancel. New gf sounds like a control freak. Who wants to deal with that on vacation and I would resent that my friend put me in this position. Cancel and ask your friend to reimburse you for anything that can’t be refunded.

[Anonymous]

Op is a woman people! It isn’t a guys trip!!! I can understand if the new gf is uncomfortable and wants to come. Would you be ok with your boyfriend going on a trip with another female?

[Anonymous]

Op is a woman people! It isn’t a guys trip!!! I can understand if the new gf is uncomfortable and wants to come. Would you be ok with your boyfriend going on a trip with another female?

[Anonymous]

Do you share hotel rooms?

[Anonymous]

........ I would add, however, not only "there's not way I'm going on this trip as a 3rd wheel, AND WITH SOMEONE I DON"T KNOW"

Because arguably, if you didn't add that last part, your friend would argue "no way. there's no way you'd be the 3rd wheel. I know you better than I know her. I'd make sure of that" but then it would absolutely happen even if your friend didn't intend for it to happen.

Seriously, I'd take the emotion out of it and just say it straight out. Dude, I'm sure she's great and I look forward to meeting and getting to know her when you guys get more serious, but there's just no way I can go on this trip with someone I don't know and be a 3rd wheel.

I completely agree with this. It doesn't matter what OP's gender is, she would be an F'ing 3rd wheel! Better to go by yourself or cancel than be a 3rd wheel.

[Anonymous]

Hi, this is OP. Thanks for everyone's responses. I am a woman, which I understand makes the dynamics of all of this difficult. And I completely understand new GF's feeling a little weird about this...to an extent. I guess part of me feels that this trip was planned before she was even a thing, and while that sucks and makes this awkward, if you trust my friend (which she 100% should), sometimes you just have to suck up being uncomfortable for a week. Should they stay together, we obviously won't be planning a trip like this again. It was just crappy timing how it all worked out. And I really don't want her to be uncomfortable. I'm no threat to her at all. But, ugh.

We have 2bd AirBNBs for the trip, so no sharing rooms or anything like that. No way. I've thought about asking him to buy me out of the trip if she is going, but honestly, I really, really wanted to go on this trip. It was my idea and a bucket list place for me. I'll be upset to not go. But I also don't want to go and have a terrible time. I'm considering telling him that its not OK for her to come, but I know that she will hate me forever and will send our friendship on a faster decline that I know it already is given this new woman in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:threesome

+1 and make sure to post on instagram too - I'll follow you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. Thanks for everyone's responses. I am a woman, which I understand makes the dynamics of all of this difficult. And I completely understand new GF's feeling a little weird about this...to an extent. I guess part of me feels that this trip was planned before she was even a thing, and while that sucks and makes this awkward, if you trust my friend (which she 100% should), sometimes you just have to suck up being uncomfortable for a week. Should they stay together, we obviously won't be planning a trip like this again. It was just crappy timing how it all worked out. And I really don't want her to be uncomfortable. I'm no threat to her at all. But, ugh.

We have 2bd AirBNBs for the trip, so no sharing rooms or anything like that. No way. I've thought about asking him to buy me out of the trip if she is going, but honestly, I really, really wanted to go on this trip. It was my idea and a bucket list place for me. I'll be upset to not go. But I also don't want to go and have a terrible time. I'm considering telling him that its not OK for her to come, but I know that she will hate me forever and will send our friendship on a faster decline that I know it already is given this new woman in his life.

I don't think you can tell him not to bring her, but you can say that you will be planning as many activities as possible solo so that you spend as little time with them as possible. She might be a great person, but being a third wheel sucks.