Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

New guy didn't care about the trip because he wasn't that invested in you and probably had some dates lined up the week you were away. Try that crap 6 months to a year from now if you are still dating and see how it goes over. Though I suspect if you and new guy get serious your bestie will no longer be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my husband had pulled this nonsense when we were dating, he wouldn’t have become my husband because he wouldn’t have remained a boyfriend.. not unless he ditched you or you made it a point to be truly kind to me and nice to him, meaning you were truly happy he’d found someone who wanted to be with him emotionally and physically.

Repulse is a strong word, op. I’m repulsed by a lot of things.. another human being isn’t one of them especially a human being I like enough to want to travel with. What’s wrong with you?I wouldn’t want my boyfriend/husband around anybody who found them repulsive. I wouldn’t want my kids around someone who found them repulsive.

I’m also surprised nobody has mentioned this, if I was the girl, I’d be worried I’d met a couple of scammers, first the guy who wants to be my boyfriend has a trip planned with another woman, a woman who doesn’t want me around because she’s “uncomfortable” and then “has to think about it”.. and then there is talk of me needing to “buy her or maybe him out of the trip” a trip I knew nothing about. I think I’d be done with the relationship.

You must really want this guy to stay single, op.

Yup. single and pining after her, she gives him just enough. She was constantly hanging around with now-ex GF, do you really think she was actually cool with that? Nope. Goes on vacay with her BFF right after he and GF break up (gotta keep him hooked) and then flounces off with her new boyfriend

[Anonymous]

OP sounds toxic. We all know the type. I had one in my life about fifteen years ago and am so happy to be rid of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds toxic. We all know the type. I had one in my life about fifteen years ago and am so happy to be rid of her.

This seems to hit the nail on the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cancel the trip.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have gf take your place on the trip and your friend can reimburse you for any expense like change of tickets to her, etc. both your friend and his new gf sound lame.

It's and international trip. Op wants to visit as well. Tix we're probably purchased way in advance and OP has already made plans about what they want to see.

OP - don't change your trip for this other person. If there are real reasons to not have his GF come along, then speak up now. Otherwise go on the trip you planned and have a discussion about whether you will plan more trips with your friend while he has a gf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

+1 OP is completely non-toxic.

For all of you who didn't read the whole thread, this thread was started on 8/7/2018 and lived in obscurity until yesterday. OP happened to see the post, gave an update, and all is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

+1 OP is completely non-toxic.

For all of you who didn't read the whole thread, this thread was started on 8/7/2018 and lived in obscurity until yesterday. OP happened to see the post, gave an update, and all is fine.

It's fine from OP's perspective, but it's not all fine. The now ex-girlfriend finally saw it and left OP and her best guy friend to their reindeer games and the new guy will eventually, hopefully, it's before he gets married and has kids with OP. I'm really glad the now ex GF had her come to Jesus moment, she now can be with a guy who truly wants her, and hopefully, this is a life lesson for her not to tolerate nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds toxic. We all know the type. I had one in my life about fifteen years ago and am so happy to be rid of her.

This seems to hit the nail on the head.

She may not be toxic, but is definitely immature and lacking in self-awareness. I know the kind of people OP and her best friend are, and it's best to stay far away, Those of you who see nothing wrong in the original scenario or the follow up are the same type of dysfunctional people, and you spend all your time trying tp convince everyone you are so mature and above it all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So random that this thread came back to life. I'm the OP.

If anyone wants an update, here it is.

My best guy friend (still my best guy friend) told his new gf that we were still going on the trip and that she wasn't invited this time around. I offered to have her buy me out of my part of the trip, but he didn't feel right asking me to do that. She wasn't thrilled about the whole thing, but trusted him (as she should), and eventually got over it. We had an amazing time on the trip.

The gf ended up moving to DC and the three of us hung out a ton and became really great friends. We even talked about taking Europe trips together. They eventually got engaged but had wedding plans ruined with COVID. Unfortunately they decided to end things just a few months ago after three years together and she moved back to her hometown, which is a bummer because we all had a great time together. They are both moving on well.

I recently met a great guy who I really care about and him and the guy friend get a long great. Guy friend and I took another trip together shortly after I met new guy that was planned well before I met him. New guy didn't bat an eyelash at it because he's an emotionally healthy dude who trusts me. The three of us hang out a lot. Everyone is happy.

You just started dating a new guy, your best broke up with his gf just a few months ago, but you planned a solo trip with him a long time ago? What the actual hell?[/quote]


This part. The games continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP is so lucky to have 2 sexless threesomes.

OP here. I do indeed feel quite lucky to have several good, close friendships in my life. I also feel very fortunate to be in a healthy and trusting relationship that is far from sexless. But keep projecting...

So what you're saying is if your BFF and the ex decided to get back together, married, and both decided to distance themselves from you , no more trips, and hanging out all the time you would be 100% okay with that and happy for your friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So random that this thread came back to life. I'm the OP.

If anyone wants an update, here it is.

My best guy friend (still my best guy friend) told his new gf that we were still going on the trip and that she wasn't invited this time around. I offered to have her buy me out of my part of the trip, but he didn't feel right asking me to do that. She wasn't thrilled about the whole thing, but trusted him (as she should), and eventually got over it. We had an amazing time on the trip.

The gf ended up moving to DC and the three of us hung out a ton and became really great friends. We even talked about taking Europe trips together. They eventually got engaged but had wedding plans ruined with COVID. Unfortunately they decided to end things just a few months ago after three years together and she moved back to her hometown, which is a bummer because we all had a great time together. They are both moving on well.

I recently met a great guy who I really care about and him and the guy friend get a long great. Guy friend and I took another trip together shortly after I met new guy that was planned well before I met him. New guy didn't bat an eyelash at it because he's an emotionally healthy dude who trusts me. The three of us hang out a lot. Everyone is happy.

Did you have a boyfriend the 3 years they were together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

+1 OP is completely non-toxic.

For all of you who didn't read the whole thread, this thread was started on 8/7/2018 and lived in obscurity until yesterday. OP happened to see the post, gave an update, and all is fine.

It's fine from OP's perspective, but it's not all fine. The now ex-girlfriend finally saw it and left OP and her best guy friend to their reindeer games and the new guy will eventually, hopefully, it's before he gets married and has kids with OP. I'm really glad the now ex GF had her come to Jesus moment, she now can be with a guy who truly wants her, and hopefully, this is a life lesson for her not to tolerate nonsense.

So people of the opposite sex can never be friends? Pls advise what TF I'm supposed to do b.c I'm Bisexual. Luckily I married a non-jealous person who trusts me or I would have zero friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

+1 OP is completely non-toxic.

For all of you who didn't read the whole thread, this thread was started on 8/7/2018 and lived in obscurity until yesterday. OP happened to see the post, gave an update, and all is fine.

It's fine from OP's perspective, but it's not all fine. The now ex-girlfriend finally saw it and left OP and her best guy friend to their reindeer games and the new guy will eventually, hopefully, it's before he gets married and has kids with OP. I'm really glad the now ex GF had her come to Jesus moment, she now can be with a guy who truly wants her, and hopefully, this is a life lesson for her not to tolerate nonsense.

So people of the opposite sex can never be friends? Pls advise what TF I'm supposed to do b.c I'm Bisexual. Luckily I married a non-jealous person who trusts me or I would have zero friends.

They can be friends, but there should be boundaries. It's not about trust it's about having respect for the relationship iand acting in a manner that could never be questioned.