Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, this is OP. Thanks for everyone's responses. I am a woman, which I understand makes the dynamics of all of this difficult. And I completely understand new GF's feeling a little weird about this...to an extent. I guess part of me feels that this trip was planned before she was even a thing, and while that sucks and makes this awkward, if you trust my friend (which she 100% should), sometimes you just have to suck up being uncomfortable for a week. Should they stay together, we obviously won't be planning a trip like this again. It was just crappy timing how it all worked out. And I really don't want her to be uncomfortable. I'm no threat to her at all. But, ugh.

We have 2bd AirBNBs for the trip, so no sharing rooms or anything like that. No way. I've thought about asking him to buy me out of the trip if she is going, but honestly, I really, really wanted to go on this trip. It was my idea and a bucket list place for me. I'll be upset to not go. But I also don't want to go and have a terrible time. I'm considering telling him that its not OK for her to come, but I know that she will hate me forever and will send our friendship on a faster decline that I know it already is given this new woman in his life.

This may have already been said, OP, I haven't read all the pages of responses. But this isn't the only time you can ever go. If it's a bucket list trip, go some other time, even this year, but not with them. Arrange to go with another friend, or parent, or even solo. This isn't a now or never thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my best guy friend. Guy friend and I work together and have become really good friends over the last 4 years. We've both been single (him more than I) a decent amount of that time, but our friendship has never gotten even remotely close to being any thing other than friendship. I love him, but the thought is completely revolting to me.

Guy friend and I have traveled quite a bit because, well, we both wanted to and needed travel buddies. We sometimes go with another friend of ours. In June, we decided to plan an international trip in September. We both have been very excited. However, guy friend did not tell me until last week that he met a girl and started a long-distance relationship with her sometime in late spring. From what I understand it was mostly a texting thing for a few months, but they now have seen each other in person about three times and he is head over heels.

Yesterday, guy friend says that new GF isn't super comfortable with our trip plans. He then asks me if its OK if he invites her to come with us.

I don't know what to do. I fully understand the awkwardness of the timing of how this has all worked out, but I had no idea about this girl till last week. I've never met her. I've paid a lot of money for a trip and I'm not sure I want to go with someone that I will maybe meet once before spending a week with. I don't want to be sudden third wheel on a couple's trip. I'm upset he's put me in this position, I was so excited for this trip. I feel like I'm going to be the a-hole if I say no, even though he told me it was totally fine for me to say no. But I feel like this trip is not going to be at all what I planned if she comes.

Does anyone have any good advice on how to handle this one? I've asked him to not say anything to her yet because I need time to think about it and am feeling a bit uncomfortable about the situation he's put me in, and I think that made him upset.

Well, be prepared to fall in love with him now that you have to compete for his attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

+1 OP is completely non-toxic.

For all of you who didn't read the whole thread, this thread was started on 8/7/2018 and lived in obscurity until yesterday. OP happened to see the post, gave an update, and all is fine.

It's fine from OP's perspective, but it's not all fine. The now ex-girlfriend finally saw it and left OP and her best guy friend to their reindeer games and the new guy will eventually, hopefully, it's before he gets married and has kids with OP. I'm really glad the now ex GF had her come to Jesus moment, she now can be with a guy who truly wants her, and hopefully, this is a life lesson for her not to tolerate nonsense.

So people of the opposite sex can never be friends? Pls advise what TF I'm supposed to do b.c I'm Bisexual. Luckily I married a non-jealous person who trusts me or I would have zero friends.

They can be friends, but there should be boundaries. It's not about trust it's about having respect for the relationship iand acting in a manner that could never be questioned.

So I can't go on a Girls Weekend? We are all just friends. One of the gals is a lesbian. Is that not respectful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Y'all are effing nuts. No wonder you all are single or in miserable marriages. Lots of therapy needed around these parts. OP doesn't sound even a little bit toxic. I've had long time very good male friends that were like family to me, just like OP. Doesn't make me any more toxic than it makes her.

+1 OP is completely non-toxic.

For all of you who didn't read the whole thread, this thread was started on 8/7/2018 and lived in obscurity until yesterday. OP happened to see the post, gave an update, and all is fine.

It's fine from OP's perspective, but it's not all fine. The now ex-girlfriend finally saw it and left OP and her best guy friend to their reindeer games and the new guy will eventually, hopefully, it's before he gets married and has kids with OP. I'm really glad the now ex GF had her come to Jesus moment, she now can be with a guy who truly wants her, and hopefully, this is a life lesson for her not to tolerate nonsense.

So people of the opposite sex can never be friends? Pls advise what TF I'm supposed to do b.c I'm Bisexual. Luckily I married a non-jealous person who trusts me or I would have zero friends.

They can be friends, but there should be boundaries. It's not about trust it's about having respect for the relationship iand acting in a manner that could never be questioned.

So I can't go on a Girls Weekend? We are all just friends. One of the gals is a lesbian. Is that not respectful?

1. It seems there is more than two people going so that is quite different scenario than the op describes

2. If you were a lesbian in a relationship it would be inappropriate for you to go on a week long getaway just the two of you

[Anonymous]

If you have a 2bdrm AirBnB, then just invite another person to join you in your room or on the couch. You’ll have someone to hang with, and you’ll save money.

There’s no way your buddy is going to travel with you alone. Do you really want to ruin your friendship over this?

[Anonymous]

This thread is a fascinating study in how few people actually read threads before posting. I would never! Unreal.