Reply to Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right?  If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa. [/quote]

This is OP. For the record, our friendship has never been anything but platonic. We’ve never slept together. I can’t even remember a time when we have even hugged to be honest. We work in the same small department of 6 people, for the same boss. I love him, but like family. He’s a super human being, but the though of being physical with him kinda makes me want to vom a bit.

Also for the record, the way this ended up going down, I texted him and said I felt like I was in a tough spot and could he not say anything to GF yet because I wanted some time to think about it. He came to me this morning and immediately rescinded his ask and said it was wrong of him to do without me saying anything. So, I never ended up asking him to not invite her or anything of the sort. He was the one that said he wanted to keep the trip as is. And he’s in a gosh darn good mood today, so I don’t think there is too much trouble in paradise, although it does sound like he’s been more upset about it than he originally let on.

I’m open to her being awesome and really sincerely hope we can be friends. I would love that. But I’ve decided I’m not going to feel guilty about not wanting to travel with a) a brand new loved up couple and b) a stranger. If they had been dating a couple years and we all knew each other well, I would feel differently. But I honestly don’t think I’d want to third wheel my with my best girlfriend if she was bribing a brand new boyfriend either.

I think I’ve been honorable here. I think my friend has been honorable and honest with the new girl. This would have been possibly avoided if he had told me he was talking to her when we booked the trip, but he didn’t. Anything else from here on out is on them. (Also, he said he didn’t even know if she would be able to go - he had not discussed the possibility of her coming with her at all). [/quote]

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