Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

Team gf. Regardless of who else is going on the trip, it's rude and awkward to uninvite her after conferring with OP. I understand OP's discomfort, but I don't think guy friend's actions were "honorable" at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm OP- if you and friend are really platonic, never attracted physically and you are colleagues, why not look at the situation as possibly adding a new friend to the mix. She might be a lovely person and a lot of fun! You’ve done 3 trips with this guy already. If the gf of only a few weeks turns out to be his person, you’d be their friend, as well, right? If he eventually commits long term to gf, this decision isn’t ideal. You’ve put him in a position to choose you over her. It’s not very fair. If she felt threatened by you, she would not be cool with joining you on the trip. You seem threatened and feel like a third wheel, but she’s the new person involved and is willing to be ok with the history of your relationship with her bf. This says a lot about her IMO. Why risk a losing an important friend in your life? Eventually, both of you will possibly be committed with families. I’d choose to keep my friend and welcome her. Great life-long friendships are built on compromise and genuine love/care for each others well being. I would not give up my best guy friends (2 of them) for my DH and vice versa.

How much have you traveled with other people? How about strangers? I cannot travel with my very best friend. No way in hell. She sleeps until noon on her days off, hates exercise is repulsed by it and therefore cannot walk far. She also fearful of nearly everything unknown. I love her like a sister, but traveled with her once and will never do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team gf. Regardless of who else is going on the trip, it's rude and awkward to uninvite her after conferring with OP. I understand OP's discomfort, but I don't think guy friend's actions were "honorable" at all.

Ok?

[Anonymous]

Also, OP, maybe think about finding your own boyfriend to travel with.

[Anonymous]

Cancel. It'll be awkward. Not to mention, it sounds like he hasn't spent much time with her in person. You don't even know if they'll get along. It's a recipe for disaster.

He shouldn't have put you in that position. He's seen this woman three times. The adult thing for him to do would be not to indulge her weird jealousy. It's a new relationship, and she's already getting weird about stuff he had planned before they started dating? Um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel. It'll be awkward. Not to mention, it sounds like he hasn't spent much time with her in person. You don't even know if they'll get along. It's a recipe for disaster.

He shouldn't have put you in that position. He's seen this woman three times. The adult thing for him to do would be not to indulge her weird jealousy. It's a new relationship, and she's already getting weird about stuff he had planned before they started dating? Um, no.

It has been resolved. The BF did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

The dynamics would change dramatically and it was/is unfair that your friend is putting you into this position.

This new girl has no say since this trip was planned awhile ago.

I wouldn’t go.
Unless you bring a friend along which may be difficult at this stage since it would be such short notice.

Hopefully you have insurance so you can cancel your plane ticket, hotel reservation + any pre-purchased event tickets.

Or like another poster suggested -
Have the new GF take your place and she can reimburse you any monies you have already paid out.

But it is true, if just the three of you go.....then expect to be a third wheel for the duration of the trip which sounds absolutely miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team gf. Regardless of who else is going on the trip, it's rude and awkward to uninvite her after conferring with OP. I understand OP's discomfort, but I don't think guy friend's actions were "honorable" at all.

No one uninvited her. She was never invited to begin with. OP said the guy friend had only discussed the possibility with OP, but never actually invited the GF.

[Anonymous]

OP do you still post here. I'd like an update on this friendship.

[Anonymous]

opposite sex friends don't work unless one is gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:opposite sex friends don't work unless one is gay

I want to know if the friend and GF stayed together?

If OP is still friends with her male bestie?

[Anonymous]

Now that I'm caught up from the drama of 2018, I also would like to know the ending of this love story.

Also, where did you guys go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I really appreciate everyone weighin in on this and giving me a lot to think about. Unfortunately, I think it will be cost prohibitive for me to book separate accommodations for this trip, and it sucks I would have to do that. I’ve basically planned this entire trip, picked the AirBNBs, etc.

I open to the idea that this girl is amazing and would be great fun, but I think regardless, third wheel would likely suck when I don’t know the couple well. I am finding myself feeling resentful that he has put me in this spot instead of asking her to be understanding. I hope it’s not the case, but I have a feeling this is the beginning of the end of our friendship.

I’m going to sit on it for a couple days before deciding what to do and think about some of the things you all have suggested. Yes, bucket list place will still be there, but finding good travel buddies is hard to do and I’d rather not go alone. So it just sucks. I’ve already asked him to not say any thing to the GF, that this feels like a lose-lose for me, and that I needed some time to think about it.

NP here. Out of curiosity over the past 4 years was there ever any discussion about what happens if someone starts dating someone seriously after you make plans for an overseas trip? Was it - hey if you start dating someone, the more the merrier, I’m cool traveling with strangers and can do my own thing OR was it hey, this is a friends trip and happy to meet new boyfriend/girlfriend to put them at ease but we should plan to at least follow-thru on the original plan for trips we’ve already paid for?

[Anonymous]

When my brother and I were single we would often travel together and we had wonderful times. But I remember when he started dating his now wife and he wanted her to join us on a trip I said I would drop out because I didn’t want to be the third wheel. She and I are now great friends.

[Anonymous]

I guess OP doesn't post here anymore, or maybe is to embarrassed to update.