Friend is having affair - wants to bring "other person" on a group trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In situations like this, what is loyalty? Sure, your loyalty should lie with your friend, but her loyalty should lie with her spouse.

I think you should go on the trip but tell the spouse.

NP. Respectfully disagree.

It’s not your place to tell the spouse. You can go to Friend A and be direct about what you just came into knowledge of. Depends on what your expectation from this friendship/marriage/group is.

I wouldn’t volunteer to get in someone else’s dirty laundry.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it was just a starter marriage for friend A and now he's working on his real marriage to Newbie B.

[Anonymous]

Bringing your AP is pretty ballsy. I would assume the husband knows.

[Anonymous]

I felt incredibly betrayed when I found out my husband had been bringing his affair partner out and on "business trips" and was even introduced to a few family members (his side) while they were out drinking.

I don't look at any of them in the same way now knowing they socialized with "her" ... I'm on friendly terms with all but know they know where they get their bread buttered, so I'm only polite. I understand that they have no long term loyalty towards me.

You're in a hard position, but you can't stop anything that's going to happen with Friend A's marriage. What's going to happen is what's going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt incredibly betrayed when I found out my husband had been bringing his affair partner out and on "business trips" and was even introduced to a few family members (his side) while they were out drinking.

I don't look at any of them in the same way now knowing they socialized with "her" ... I'm on friendly terms with all but know they know where they get their bread buttered, so I'm only polite. I understand that they have no long term loyalty towards me.

You're in a hard position, but you can't stop anything that's going to happen with Friend A's marriage. What's going to happen is what's going to happen.

Why are you still with such a creep? Also, why would you talk to those relatives period?

[Anonymous]

Why do folks think that your spouse's family will stand by you when your spouse f's up? They won't. They are your spouse's family. They stand up for him/her, not you.

You have your own family.

[Anonymous]

Hey Op, how did the trip go?

[Anonymous]

yes, we want to know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey Op, how did the trip go?

OP here:
the trip is next week, I fly to Europe on Saturday. Bump this thread again in a couple weeks

[Anonymous]

Just go and try to have fun. If they are open about the relationship, let friend C, G or Z call them out on it. I’d try to remain as uninvolved as possible. If things get stressful, wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt incredibly betrayed when I found out my husband had been bringing his affair partner out and on "business trips" and was even introduced to a few family members (his side) while they were out drinking.

I don't look at any of them in the same way now knowing they socialized with "her" ... I'm on friendly terms with all but know they know where they get their bread buttered, so I'm only polite. I understand that they have no long term loyalty towards me.

You're in a hard position, but you can't stop anything that's going to happen with Friend A's marriage. What's going to happen is what's going to happen.

Why do you see them at all? Didn't you divorce him?

[Anonymous]

no no no

I don't go for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt incredibly betrayed when I found out my husband had been bringing his affair partner out and on "business trips" and was even introduced to a few family members (his side) while they were out drinking.

I don't look at any of them in the same way now knowing they socialized with "her" ... I'm on friendly terms with all but know they know where they get their bread buttered, so I'm only polite. I understand that they have no long term loyalty towards me.

You're in a hard position, but you can't stop anything that's going to happen with Friend A's marriage. What's going to happen is what's going to happen.

Why do you see them at all? Didn't you divorce him?

Maybe it makes more financial sense for the PP to stay married? Then it wouldn't be surprising that her DH was so brazen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt incredibly betrayed when I found out my husband had been bringing his affair partner out and on "business trips" and was even introduced to a few family members (his side) while they were out drinking.

I don't look at any of them in the same way now knowing they socialized with "her" ... I'm on friendly terms with all but know they know where they get their bread buttered, so I'm only polite. I understand that they have no long term loyalty towards me.

You're in a hard position, but you can't stop anything that's going to happen with Friend A's marriage. What's going to happen is what's going to happen.

Why do you see them at all? Didn't you divorce him?

Maybe it makes more financial sense for the PP to stay married? Then it wouldn't be surprising that her DH was so brazen.

It probably does, but that wasn't my reason for asking. If she is still with him, why should his family have behaved any differently? If she didn't dump him, why should they? He didn't even cheat on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do folks think that your spouse's family will stand by you when your spouse f's up? They won't. They are your spouse's family. They stand up for him/her, not you.

You have your own family.

If you get married in a church wedding, don't the people in attendance agree to support the marriage?

And if you have kids, you are the wedded, official mother of his kids, and yeah, they are supposed to back you up in a wrong vs. right situation. Standing up for family now moves on to the next generation.