Friend is having affair - wants to bring "other person" on a group trip
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Anonymous
| Damnit. It was called “OPs come in with your updates” or something long those lines. In off-topic. |
Anonymous
| bumpety bump |
Anonymous
I just read the whole 'update thread and didn't see a response from the OP. I only saw people, like us, wanting an update! Did I miss it? http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/749634.page |
Anonymous
OP responded in THIS thread awhile back saying they would write something up but they are a dirty liar. |
Anonymous
| You down wit OP’s P? |
Anonymous
| I THINK OP just promised to update in the other thread! Making it easy for them to find this! |
Anonymous
|
OP here:
Thanks to all who kept the faith and continued to bump this thread. My work and personal life got a bit crazy after the trip, so I didn’t have much time to give this thread the proper conclusion it deserves. It’s slow at work this week and I’m sitting at home in my sweatpants on this snow day, so I can properly address the mess of my trip. Never forget - great rewards come to those who are patient. I ended up flying to this major European city for my work trip. My spouse agreed that I should just play the trip by ear and see what developed between Friend A and Newbie B. I was to report back to my spouse as much as possible – pic evidence too. Since there was a bit of confusion before, I want to clarify the genders of all parties. We are a group of mixed-gender friends who attended business school together and we also shared a large group house during school. Anyone below who is labeled “Friend” is part of our long-standing B-school social group. Friend A: woman, straight, married to Spouse Z (he did not attend the trip). Lives in Brussels Newbie B: man, straight, married to Spouse X (she did not attend the trip, I have never met her). He is the AP of Friend A. Lives in Brussels. Friend C: man, straight, single. Lives in Brussels. He is one of my best friends. Friend D: man, straight, married to Friend E. Lives in London. Friend E: woman, straight, married to Friend D. Lives in London. Friend F: man, single, lives in Barcelona. Me: man, straight, married, lives in the DC area. After a restful overnight flight, I landed in Europe. I had an uneventful two days/three nights of meetings and business dinners with my colleagues. However, the arrival of my friends was always nagging at the back of my mind; I was anxious to see what would happen. My last work engagement finished on Thursday night. I had a free day on Friday, so I slept in, had a leisurely breakfast at the hotel, and got in a good workout at the hotel gym. My friends were landing at 1230 on the Friday afternoon and we planned to meet at the Airbnb house. The first group – which included Friend A, Newbie B, and Friend C – were all flying in together and had arranged a shuttle van to take them to the house (the airport was about 90 minutes outside the city center). I was already waiting for them on the doorstep of the house with a 6 pack of cold beers when they arrived. I got big hugs from Friend A and Friend C. Newbie B extended his hand to me and surprisingly gave me a big hug. I could immediately see why Friend A was attracted to Newbie B – he had a magnetic personality. Spouse Z was much more conventionally attractive, but Newbie B was basically the 180 degree opposite in terms of personality. Where Spouse Z was stoic, quiet, and introspective, Newbie B was comical, gregarious, and extroverted. Where Spouse Z literally looks like a buff male model, Newbie B is a bit of a teddy bear. If anything, I would describe Newbie B as a European dandy in terms of dress, demeanor, and sense of humor; he always had a tinge of naughtiness to his banter. He was the center of any room he entered; not because of conventional attractiveness, but because he’s the life of the party, attentive, well-read, and just generally very witty. We entered the house and, as the first arrivals, needed to decide how to divvy up the rooms. This is where things quickly got awkward. Newbie B waited downstairs as Friends A, B, and I went about assigning rooms upstairs. There was a private bedroom at the back of the house with one large queen bed – we all agree that this room should be given to the married couple (Friends D and E, arriving later that night). Friend F was not arriving until the next day, so it was agreed he would get the pull out couch in the living room. Left for the remaining four of us was a private bedroom with two double beds and an open loft-like space with one large king bed that didn't have much privacy other than a curtain. Friend A pretended that she needed the private room because of the double beds; she wanted to keep up appearances that she and Newbie B were not sleeping together. She then insisted that Friend C and I should share the large bed in the loft space since we were longtime friends. Immediately Friend C speaks up and says: “Uh, he already knows. And no, we're not sleeping in a bed together.” Friend A goes red-faced and sheepishly asks “What are you talking about?” I immediately tell her that I’m not going to uncomfortably share a bed with Friend C just to allow Friend A to keep up appearances around Friends D and E. I told her I knew she was having an affair with Newbie B and that my suspicions had already been confirmed by Friend C weeks before. She became really embarrassed and apologized for not telling the rest of us sooner. She said that the long distance had been hard on her marriage to Spouse Z and that things just “sort of happened” with Newbie B. She also clarified that Newbie B was in an open relationship with Spouse X and that she had allowed him to attend the trip. She also stated that Spouse Z knew NOTHING about Newbie B and that she was going to tell him everything in the coming weeks. I explained how this situation put many of us in tough spot: while we are not particularly close to Spouse Z, we also didn’t want to be pulled into lies or covering for her. I stated that if he ever questioned me about the trip, I would be honest; therefore, it behooved her to sort things out with her husband. Friend A quickly agreed with my logic, apologized, and then said “I hope you won’t be mean to Newbie B. Let’s just focus on having a fun weekend.” Necessary backstory: Friend A has cheated on pretty much every boyfriend she ever had. So our friend group has been down this road before, in terms of dealing with the fallout of her relationships. That said, she’s still a good friend. Further, Spouse Z “surprised” her with the engagement; nearly all of our friend group knew she wasn’t ready to get married. Later that evening at dinner, we are having laughs and drinking heavily. I’m making the best of the situation and trying not to pre-judge Newbie B. He quietly says to me: “Despite the awkward circumstances, thank you for being nice to me. It really means a lot and I agree with you that this should have been handled better by Friend A.” I appreciated his forthrightness. Friends D and E’s plane is late and they get in at 1am. Friend A and Newbie B are already in bed and asleep together in the loft space. I greet Friends D and E at the door and quietly give them a tour of the house. Friend E states: “Oh thank you for reserving a nice room for us. But where are Friend A and Newbie B sleeping?” I point at the loft, Friend E goes in to peek at them, sees them cuddled up asleep together, and runs back to me wide-eyed and furiously mouthing “What the f#ck! What the f#ck! She’s married!” Her husband, Friend D, is quietly giggling because he knows that Friend A is notorious for these screwed up relationships. We go to our separate bedrooms and I immediately text all the backstory to Friend D so he can share with his wife. They are aghast. We all awake on Saturday morning and I go out with Friends C, D, and E to grab some breakfast groceries to bring back to the house. We explain in detail the situation and all of us are just reveling in how screwed up the situation is. Friend C states that he woke up even earlier and on the way to the bathroom, he heard Friend A and Newbie B engaging in sex acts that morning. We are all mortified. We make breakfast and Newbie B introduces himself to the new arrivals. Friends D and E need to pretend like they know nothing, but Friend E is doing a terrible job of hiding her awkwardness. We make our tourist plans for the day and set off. Friends A and E get some time to chat alone that day while us boys were out grabbing beers and sets the record straight. Friend F arrives later and us boys have to brief him on the situation, as well. By the time we go to dinner on Saturday evening, the air has been cleared and we are having a great time. We go out clubbing and drinking: Friend A and Newbie are engaging in blatant PDA, I’m playing wing-man for my single buddies, the married couple (Friends D and E) are just laughing at the ridiculousness of the entire weekend. On Sunday, Spouse Z tries to FaceTime with Friend A but she never picks up. Apparently he tried to contact her multiple times that weekend to video chat but she always made excuses. Overall, it’s was a fairly good weekend with friends. We had a blast, saw a new city, and ate a lot of great food. We also posted updates on social media, however Newbie B always made sure to stay out of our cell phone pics. It was an interesting game of social media cat-and-mouse. However, the real drama happens in the weeks that follow. Friend C keeps me updated with all the happenings, since he’s also in Brussels and spending time with Friend A and Newbie B (both together and separately). Conclusion Two weeks later, Spouse Z flies to Brussels to spend a long weekend with his wife, Friend A. She starts hinting at how it’s “hard to be apart” and that she’s “been tempted by others.” His alarm bells are going off. She tells him how she’s not happy in the marriage. Spouse Z admits that he knows she wasn’t ready to be married and that he’s willing to work on the marriage in any way possible; to his detriment, he has always placed her on a pedestal. She admits that she’s been seeing someone else, and that she would be willing to have an open relationship. He is devastated by the news, as they have only been married for 20 months or so. He’s also unhappy in the city where he’s working, so he really looks forward to his nightly calls and visits to see Friend A. Eventually that weekend, Friend A admits she is in love with Newbie B. This floors Spouse Z even further, he did not expect this at all. He goes home and asks for a few days to think. Within a week, Friend A has divorce papers delivered to her at home by courier. Spouse Z will only communicate through his lawyer to Friend A – the marriage is over within 3 weeks of our trip. Newbie B returned to Brussels to find a very angry Spouse X. Despite having an open relationship for many years, Spouse X is worried that Newbie B is spending too much time with Friend A. Newbie B admits that he has developed very strong feelings for Friend A, but admits nothing more. Spouse X requires Newbie B to cut off all contact with Friend A and to enter marriage counseling. However, Newbie B and Friend A continue to see each other secretly. He admits that he wants to leave his wife for Friend A, but only if Friend A will be open to marrying him. He even tells Friend A that he would leave Europe and go back to the U.S. with Friend A. She considers all of this, but tells Newbie B that she – rightly – isn’t ready to settle down with someone else while going through a divorce. Even though she loves Newbie B, she doesn’t want to cause a 2nd marriage to end in divorce. Friend C warns Newbie B that she will do all this to him too – he shouldn’t leave his wife for Friend A. Friend A and Newbie B stopped speaking within 6 weeks of our trip and have not spoken since. Friend C has told me that Newbie B and Spouse X are on the path to divorce, despite the marriage counseling. Fin. |
Anonymous
| Ugh this is a tough situation. Friend A sucks for putting all of you in this mess. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Thank you for the update. What a mess! |
Anonymous
x2 |
Anonymous
| Damn. That was epic. |
Anonymous
| Nice update OP. Thanks for keeping us all in the loop with such a detailed update! (man i hope you really are OP - but if not you've done a good job presenting a realistic scenario!). |
Anonymous
OP here: I am the originator of this thread. I'm posting from home today, since its a snow day. But Jeff can verify that my IP address is from the DC area. Thank you for all the advice and your rapt attention!   
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Anonymous
| Ew messy |
Anonymous
Thank you OP!!! I bumped this a bunch of times! What a mess is right but honestly best possible outcome for Spouse Z, seems like Friend A is not marriage material. |