I just found out why my DH has been treating me like crap for 3 years

[Anonymous]

Many "wives" and mothers think they are entitled to stay home once they have a kid and that their ONLY role is mother. They expect the husband to work and get nothing/expect nothing and be happy about it. This makes me think these wives want to enjoy some sort of Master/slave relationship where they are a FINANCIAL dominant that takes all the income and passes out the occasional treat to their "husband" that anxiously waits on them. Disgusting!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

....because her DH's three-year complaint against resides in the fact that he thought their house was dirty?!?

The fact that her husband thought the house was dirty does not necessarily mean it is. You are making an assumption here. I disagree with that assumption. Any OCD person would think my house is dirty too, but the two adults in my house do not think so. Our house was meticulous without the kids, but it is just clean now, not neat. But clean enough. These things change when you have little ones running throughout the house all day long.

Considering that her husband thinks its dirty, and OP has not said one thing she does to keep it clean, and admittedly "would rather watch her DD"...It's a safe assumption that her house is probably dirty.

You are being unfair to the OP. She indicated she would rather focus on her child. This does not imply that she does nothing else. She is stating that her child is the priority and other things like cleaning come in second.

If you are like the other PPs who think spending 30-60 minutes a day on cooking and cleaning is good enough, then you agree that she should focus on her child. So there is not much in the OP to suggest she does not do some housework.

There is no reason a SAHM of one can't keep the house clean, cook meals, go grocery shopping, and even work out while prioritizing the care of one child.

My mom did all of the above and she had a full time job.

Sure, if a SAHM sent the kids to day care for 8 hours per day, that stuff would get done too, especially keeping the house clean since no one in the family is hardly ever there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many "wives" and mothers think they are entitled to stay home once they have a kid and that their ONLY role is mother. They expect the husband to work and get nothing/expect nothing and be happy about it. This makes me think these wives want to enjoy some sort of Master/slave relationship where they are a FINANCIAL dominant that takes all the income and passes out the occasional treat to their "husband" that anxiously waits on them. Disgusting!

Sigh. Most women don't really like having their "only" role be mother, and would like some time to be themselves even after they have children. Unfortunately, many men don't feel they should have to change the way they live very much at all just because they have children, and this leaves very little time for women to be anything else. Someone has to be parenting a small child 24/7, and in our culture this is all expected to be done by the nuclear family.
I have no idea why you think the wives take all of the income. Yes, women spend most of the money, but they spend it on things for their families. I can't even really think of big ticket items that married women stereo typically purchase just for themselves. Most big ticket items that women have are purchased for them by men. Women don't usually buy their own jewelry for example.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DH is a douche for sure. That said, if you never initiated a discussion with him about division of labor and expectations of each other, then that is also partially on you.

Easiest solution is to find yourself a part-time job with enough income that will cover a cleaning service and part-time preschool program. If he really has a problem with you working then that's on him. He has no right to dictate your choices like that.

If you think you might divorce at some point then you need to make sure you're covered for retirement purposes, even if that means you going back to work full-time. Divorce after you've not been in the workforce for many years can be devastating financially.

[Anonymous]

Exactly how filthy is your house?

[Anonymous]

Im a PT preschool teacher (4hrs a day) and a mother of 4. Im in a classroom with 12 3yr olds and another adult. Our focus the entire time is the children. The room is not a disaster at any time in the day and we deal with very messy crafts and have lots of toys, books, and learning centers.

Even with 4 kids spaced 2 years apart, I managed to keep order in the home. This is one of thr benefits of being at home. I was able to NOT waste my evenings and weekends cleaning and organizing. When DH got home we could all relax and be a family that wasn't harried or cleaning. It really took no more than 45min a day to keep on top of things. There is not much to clean up if you simply clean up after yourself and establish expectations of your children from go. You'd be suprised what a 2.5yr old is capable of if you have expectations and routines.

[Anonymous]

I feel like a lot of children are being doted on excessively. I get that the 1970s "free range" parenting style is out, but it just seems like some of these SAHMs are like an activity director for their children.

Whatever happened to playpens? Remember how mothers used to drop their kids into one of those, with a few toys? Are they not allowed anymore? I'm not suggesting using them as a kennel, but can't you leave a toddler in a playpen for 45 minutes while cooking and cleaning -- while obviously keeping him in eyeshot and being available?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of children are being doted on excessively. I get that the 1970s "free range" parenting style is out, but it just seems like some of these SAHMs are like an activity director for their children.

Whatever happened to playpens? Remember how mothers used to drop their kids into one of those, with a few toys? Are they not allowed anymore? I'm not suggesting using them as a kennel, but can't you leave a toddler in a playpen for 45 minutes while cooking and cleaning -- while obviously keeping him in eyeshot and being available?

That's precisely the problem. Helicopter moms packing every day full of snowflake enriching activities that will surely result in the most perfect little socialized genius who also excels at sports, plays 3 instruments and speaks fluent Spanish to "the help". If this is progress I'll take the 80s back any day.

[Anonymous]

In fairness to the OP, if her DH was unhappy with the arrangement, he could have brought it up in a respectful way, instead of "treating her like crap" for three years, based on OPs description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of children are being doted on excessively. I get that the 1970s "free range" parenting style is out, but it just seems like some of these SAHMs are like an activity director for their children.

Whatever happened to playpens? Remember how mothers used to drop their kids into one of those, with a few toys? Are they not allowed anymore? I'm not suggesting using them as a kennel, but can't you leave a toddler in a playpen for 45 minutes while cooking and cleaning -- while obviously keeping him in eyeshot and being available?

That's precisely the problem. Helicopter moms packing every day full of snowflake enriching activities that will surely result in the most perfect little socialized genius who also excels at sports, plays 3 instruments and speaks fluent Spanish to "the help". If this is progress I'll take the 80s back any day.

Actually, i think it boils down to being a lazy and slovenly person. You can still be an psycho cruise director for your children and keep a tidy home. You dont even need a playpen. It is as simple as cleaning up after yourself. I do small things like keep clorox wipes in every bathroom. At night, i wipe the sink counters and toilet down. Guess how long that takes? 45 seconds. I do one load of laundry a day. Guess how long it takes to fold and put ONE basket of laundry away a day? Exactly 10 minuets.

If you are a pig, don't clean up after yourself and let things pile up, you will be living in a disorganized cluttered home covered in a film of filth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of children are being doted on excessively. I get that the 1970s "free range" parenting style is out, but it just seems like some of these SAHMs are like an activity director for their children.

Whatever happened to playpens? Remember how mothers used to drop their kids into one of those, with a few toys? Are they not allowed anymore? I'm not suggesting using them as a kennel, but can't you leave a toddler in a playpen for 45 minutes while cooking and cleaning -- while obviously keeping him in eyeshot and being available?

That's precisely the problem. Helicopter moms packing every day full of snowflake enriching activities that will surely result in the most perfect little socialized genius who also excels at sports, plays 3 instruments and speaks fluent Spanish to "the help". If this is progress I'll take the 80s back any day.

Actually, i think it boils down to being a lazy and slovenly person. You can still be an psycho cruise director for your children and keep a tidy home. You dont even need a playpen. It is as simple as cleaning up after yourself. I do small things like keep clorox wipes in every bathroom. At night, i wipe the sink counters and toilet down. Guess how long that takes? 45 seconds. I do one load of laundry a day. Guess how long it takes to fold and put ONE basket of laundry away a day? Exactly 10 minuets.

If you are a pig, don't clean up after yourself and let things pile up, you will be living in a disorganized cluttered home covered in a film of filth.

So you haven't started that OCD/anxiety treatment yet? A therapist can do wonders.

[Anonymous]

Oh come on. We all know what's happening. OP is neglecting the cleaning, she's neglecting her kid, because she's probably posting on facebook and other social media all day long, every day. Binging on net flix. On her phone constantly.

The harpies claim OP's husband is having an affair, but it sounds as if OP herself has a lot more time to step out.

Oh and she probably likes her wine, too. I'll bet she has a glass or three every night, maybe more. And maybe doesn't wait until the cocktail hour to get started, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of children are being doted on excessively. I get that the 1970s "free range" parenting style is out, but it just seems like some of these SAHMs are like an activity director for their children.

Whatever happened to playpens? Remember how mothers used to drop their kids into one of those, with a few toys? Are they not allowed anymore? I'm not suggesting using them as a kennel, but can't you leave a toddler in a playpen for 45 minutes while cooking and cleaning -- while obviously keeping him in eyeshot and being available?

That's precisely the problem. Helicopter moms packing every day full of snowflake enriching activities that will surely result in the most perfect little socialized genius who also excels at sports, plays 3 instruments and speaks fluent Spanish to "the help". If this is progress I'll take the 80s back any day.

Actually, i think it boils down to being a lazy and slovenly person. You can still be an psycho cruise director for your children and keep a tidy home. You dont even need a playpen. It is as simple as cleaning up after yourself. I do small things like keep clorox wipes in every bathroom. At night, i wipe the sink counters and toilet down. Guess how long that takes? 45 seconds. I do one load of laundry a day. Guess how long it takes to fold and put ONE basket of laundry away a day? Exactly 10 minuets.

If you are a pig, don't clean up after yourself and let things pile up, you will be living in a disorganized cluttered home covered in a film of filth.

So you haven't started that OCD/anxiety treatment yet? A therapist can do wonders.

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