I just found out why my DH has been treating me like crap for 3 years

[Anonymous]

And I'm really mad. He has been rude and nasty to me ever since DD was born. He complains about everything I do, put me on a shoestring budget and has seemed constantly angry at me. Not to anyone but me. I'm tired of it and told him last week that I am going to go back to work part time while DD is in school next Fall. He doesn't want me to and is vowing to change. He told me he has been angry because he doesn't know what I do all day and thinks the house should be cleaner, etc. I am so angry. He travels 80 percent of the time. DD is wonderful but not easy and I choose to focus on her instead of keeping the house in perfect shape. I don't know how I ended up here.

[Anonymous]

I believe the thing to focus in is why it took both of you 3 years to communicate about all this.

What do YOU want to do? Do you want to go back to work? The shoestring budget issue signals a controlling spouse and if he isn't nice to you, my best advice is get a job so that you have options and more control over your own destiny.

[Anonymous]

Well, what is your typical day like? Break it down for us.

Not trying to be nasty but I am not someone who just automatically takes the woman at her word that she has been wronged. (And I am a woman)

[Anonymous]

Did you all not talk about you being a SAHM? I'm female and do believe that meals and cleaning is part of sahm job responsibilities.

I bet there's more going on here too. Like you act differently to him now that you have a child or sex life changed too.

[Anonymous]

Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

[Anonymous]

Wow. What a POS OP. I'm sorry. That would be seeing red for me. I am not a SAHM but to be disrespected like that... just wow.

[Anonymous]

Time for him to take a week of vacation to stay at home with toddler while you go visit friends/family. You can Skype every night to see how clean the house is.

[Anonymous]

Is he generally a passive aggressive douchebag or is this just a special occasion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time for him to take a week of vacation to stay at home with toddler while you go visit friends/family. You can Skype every night to see how clean the house is.

Um no. The trade is that OP should start working and commuting and her husband can stay at home with the kids and clean.

[Anonymous]

Be angry all you want. There has to be a reason he asked you what you do all day. Your "I'd rather focus on my child instead" of gasp, housework, says a lot.

SAHP means more than playtime with the kids. It means you trade one job for another. You sound like my sister. She screams abuse because her husband wanted home cooked food, clean clothes and a neat, not spotless, neat tidy home. She thought housekeeping was beneath her. Her ex fixed that.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

You haven't cleaned the house for 3 years?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time for him to take a week of vacation to stay at home with toddler while you go visit friends/family. You can Skype every night to see how clean the house is.

Yes. Have him go around with his phone and show all the spots to make sure they are squeaky clean, since it's so easy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be angry all you want. There has to be a reason he asked you what you do all day. Your "I'd rather focus on my child instead" of gasp, housework, says a lot.

SAHP means more than playtime with the kids. It means you trade one job for another. You sound like my sister. She screams abuse because her husband wanted home cooked food, clean clothes and a neat, not spotless, neat tidy home. She thought housekeeping was beneath her. Her ex fixed that.

I have a lot of friends that think that way. Drives me crazy because they're without a second income plus the house is a disaster because kids are home all day in it.