I just found out why my DH has been treating me like crap for 3 years

[Anonymous]

We don't know what the actual state of your house it. It could actually be messy, dirty, or both. Or reasonably clean/neat but not enough by your dh's standards.

Regardless, you and your husband should have a mutually agreed upon standard of cleanliness and tidiness. Figure what this is. Compromise is important, especially if you two have very different notions of cleanliness/tidiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ewwww. So having a 24/7 nanny is not enough, she should clean and cook too? Some of the expectations here are ludicrous. I'm a WOHM and would never want someone burned out and overburdened with my kids. The kids are the ones who suffer in that situation.

AND don't forget have sex like a porn star! and look like one too....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

I'm a SAHM and that's not how it works for DH and me. DH's job is to work and pay the bills. My job is the house and kids. It means I don't clock out at 5pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

+1

From another non SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

It is unfair. I think every member of the household should clean up after themselves. So, if mom and baby are home, she takes care of their mess. DH takes care of his own when he is home. The house is shared, so everyone pitches in in bathrooms, for example.

Being a SAHP doesn't make you the default cook, either, at least not for the husband.

I didn't know .I don't stay at home, but if I did, I don't see how that also would.make me.my husband's maid and cook and. You're supposed to be there to parent, right?

Every member of the household should participate in househd chores and parenting, even if one stays home. That's how I see it anyway

[Anonymous]

This is my mantra:

https://www.facebook.com/GrumpyOldFolk/photos/a.538738939482730.112327.518023344887623/1142321715791113/?type=3&theater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's got to be tough waking up late, meeting a girlfriend at Starbucks for a "play date" and then retiring to the couch, feet up, eating bonbons while watching Days and then throw on some Hamburger Helper at 5 and telling DH how rough your day was. I feel for you OP!

That is a nice movie you got going on in your head! I suppose we are really in the "post fact" era.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

It is unfair. I think every member of the household should clean up after themselves. So, if mom and baby are home, she takes care of their mess. DH takes care of his own when he is home. The house is shared, so everyone pitches in in bathrooms, for example.

Being a SAHP doesn't make you the default cook, either, at least not for the husband.

I didn't know .I don't stay at home, but if I did, I don't see how that also would.make me.my husband's maid and cook and. You're supposed to be there to parent, right?


I love what you just wrote! It is hard to keep things picked up when you have people who drop everything. I don't want to be a slave to the house so therefore I have learned to care less since I can't do it by myself ( not enough hours in the day)
Every member of the household should participate in househd chores and parenting, even if one stays home. That's how I see it anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

+1

From another non SAHM

It's ridiculous to suggest that the sahp has to deep clean the house every night after the baby is asleep. However, cooking and cleaning is absolutely a part of the sahp's job description. It doesn't matter when or how the sahp gets it done but it is their responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

+1

From another non SAHM

It's ridiculous to suggest that the sahp has to deep clean the house every night after the baby is asleep. However, cooking and cleaning is absolutely a part of the sahp's job description. It doesn't matter when or how the sahp gets it done but it is their responsibility.

yep. DH and I WOH but we both pitch in and help clean and cook when we get home. But we aren't bean counters and generally think it's all fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's got to be tough waking up late, meeting a girlfriend at Starbucks for a "play date" and then retiring to the couch, feet up, eating bonbons while watching Days and then throw on some Hamburger Helper at 5 and telling DH how rough your day was. I feel for you OP!

That is a nice movie you got going on in your head! I suppose we are really in the "post fact" era.

I guess this is "post your personal fantasy" day DCUM. I guess I could see picking that one but then you would have to add in banging David Gandy on the (hideously dirty because DH didn't clean it until it was spotless!) floor while DH watched.

You know, while we're talking absurd fantasies, why not go all the way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the person in shock that it took you two THREE YEARS to talk about this. That is ridiculous. If DH or I are upset and wait three DAYS to discuss it that's a long time for us.

And honestly, I'm having a hard time buying what you're selling. Unless he wants things white-glove clean, you should be able to get the house clean each night after the baby is in bed. I clean as I go but know that's not for everyone.

Full time WOHM and I disagree with your statement. So his day ends when he gets home from work, but she should keep at it and then start cleaning after the baby is in bed? do you realize how unfair that is?

+1

From another non SAHM

It's ridiculous to suggest that the sahp has to deep clean the house every night after the baby is asleep. However, cooking and cleaning is absolutely a part of the sahp's job description. It doesn't matter when or how the sahp gets it done but it is their responsibility.

Huh? There is a difference between a SAHM and a housewife. And a maid and a housekeeper. I would never assume that one role covers them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

Actually there is. OP mentioned her husband complained about the house. Considering that most men have low standards when it comes to cleanliness, the likelihood is that OP is a bit deficient in the house cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

....because her DH's three-year complaint against resides in the fact that he thought their house was dirty?!?

The fact that her husband thought the house was dirty does not necessarily mean it is. You are making an assumption here. I disagree with that assumption. Any OCD person would think my house is dirty too, but the two adults in my house do not think so. Our house was meticulous without the kids, but it is just clean now, not neat. But clean enough. These things change when you have little ones running throughout the house all day long.

Considering that her husband thinks its dirty, and OP has not said one thing she does to keep it clean, and admittedly "would rather watch her DD"...It's a safe assumption that her house is probably dirty.

You are being unfair to the OP. She indicated she would rather focus on her child. This does not imply that she does nothing else. She is stating that her child is the priority and other things like cleaning come in second.

If you are like the other PPs who think spending 30-60 minutes a day on cooking and cleaning is good enough, then you agree that she should focus on her child. So there is not much in the OP to suggest she does not do some housework.

There is no reason a SAHM of one can't keep the house clean, cook meals, go grocery shopping, and even work out while prioritizing the care of one child.

My mom did all of the above and she had a full time job.