I just found out why my DH has been treating me like crap for 3 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

Actually there is. OP mentioned her husband complained about the house. Considering that most men have low standards when it comes to cleanliness, the likelihood is that OP is a bit deficient in the house cleaning.

So anytime a man says something is messy it must be fact because men are messy in general? Lmaooooooo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

Actually there is. OP mentioned her husband complained about the house. Considering that most men have low standards when it comes to cleanliness, the likelihood is that OP is a bit deficient in the house cleaning.

So anytime a man says something is messy it must be fact because men are messy in general? Lmaooooooo

+1. And a house with a lot of toys can get pretty messy in a nano-second. My children clean up after themselves at night, but the house is a war zone when they are playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a complete control-freak authoritarian jerk.

You *should* go back to some type of paid work if only to have more financial leverage in the marriage. Take it from someone who's been there done that, and worse (sadly).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

+1

Yeah. Either this or he has serious emotional issues. So cheating might actually be the preferable answer

[Anonymous]

Guerita32 wrote:Kids are so messy and it is hard to keep the house clean with kids in it! It is hard to keep my house clean on a Saturday and we have housekeeper that comes once a week!!

If he has been treating you like crap for this long... you should perhaps seek counseling.

This. Kids. You can clean one room, and their crap is all over the other room. Whoosh them out of that room so you can clean it and the next room will have their crap all over it. It is important that you guys discuss what is reasonable in terms of cleaning and that you also make clear that staying home IS a job and a real fucking hard one some days

[Anonymous]

Or the fact that all this coincides with the birth of their children, one has to ask the more important question....Did he really want kids. She said it started right after DD was born. Maybe this isn't about the house at all. He travels 80% of the time? Another clue? Maybe he thought kids would be "OK" but now the reality is that he really didn't want them and now feels stuck. I don't think this is about a dirty house and him not wanting kids is a much more serious issue that could easily be put aside and not talked about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Guerita32 wrote:Kids are so messy and it is hard to keep the house clean with kids in it! It is hard to keep my house clean on a Saturday and we have housekeeper that comes once a week!!

If he has been treating you like crap for this long... you should perhaps seek counseling.

This. Kids. You can clean one room, and their crap is all over the other room. Whoosh them out of that room so you can clean it and the next room will have their crap all over it. It is important that you guys discuss what is reasonable in terms of cleaning and that you also make clear that staying home IS a job and a real fucking hard one some days

Funny thing is that SAH mothers in the 40s and 50s still managed to keep clean houses with kids. If you can't and they're all you're looking after all day, then examine that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

....because her DH's three-year complaint against resides in the fact that he thought their house was dirty?!?

OMG you lazy, selfish, get off your assholes and clean your fucking houses. Being a stay-at-home mom is more than wiping spit up from your DC's chin. It's cleaning up the cheerios off the counter, vaccuuming the dirty floor, getting rid of stinking laundry. You wanted to be a SAHM as your JOB, now do it.



The fact that her husband thought the house was dirty does not necessarily mean it is. You are making an assumption here. I disagree with that assumption. Any OCD person would think my house is dirty too, but the two adults in my house do not think so. Our house was meticulous without the kids, but it is just clean now, not neat. But clean enough. These things change when you have little ones running throughout the house all day long.

Considering that her husband thinks its dirty, and OP has not said one thing she does to keep it clean, and admittedly "would rather watch her DD"...It's a safe assumption that her house is probably dirty.

You are being unfair to the OP. She indicated she would rather focus on her child. This does not imply that she does nothing else. She is stating that her child is the priority and other things like cleaning come in second.

If you are like the other PPs who think spending 30-60 minutes a day on cooking and cleaning is good enough, then you agree that she should focus on her child. So there is not much in the OP to suggest she does not do some housework.

There is no reason a SAHM of one can't keep the house clean, cook meals, go grocery shopping, and even work out while prioritizing the care of one child.

My mom did all of the above and she had a full time job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Guerita32 wrote:Kids are so messy and it is hard to keep the house clean with kids in it! It is hard to keep my house clean on a Saturday and we have housekeeper that comes once a week!!

If he has been treating you like crap for this long... you should perhaps seek counseling.

This. Kids. You can clean one room, and their crap is all over the other room. Whoosh them out of that room so you can clean it and the next room will have their crap all over it. It is important that you guys discuss what is reasonable in terms of cleaning and that you also make clear that staying home IS a job and a real fucking hard one some days

+1000 to all of this.

I really can't believe this. My mom was a SAHM and we had a live in nanny AND a once-a-week cleaning lady and the house was still a s***-show a lot of the time because kids are kids.

he seems to have some very crazy expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

+1

OP, I am so sorry but your DH's explanation is gaslighting, blame shifting nonsense. He has been "angry at you" for years because he wants to believe the BS he tells his mistress about the marriage being bad is true. So he makes it bad. I'm so sorry. Get your ducks in a row. You'll be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

+1

OP, I am so sorry but your DH's explanation is gaslighting, blame shifting nonsense. He has been "angry at you" for years because he wants to believe the BS he tells his mistress about the marriage being bad is true. So he makes it bad. I'm so sorry. Get your ducks in a row. You'll be OK.

This.
The simplest explanation is usually the right one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

+1

OP, I am so sorry but your DH's explanation is gaslighting, blame shifting nonsense. He has been "angry at you" for years because he wants to believe the BS he tells his mistress about the marriage being bad is true. So he makes it bad. I'm so sorry. Get your ducks in a row. You'll be OK.

This.
The simplest explanation is usually the right one.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Guerita32 wrote:Kids are so messy and it is hard to keep the house clean with kids in it! It is hard to keep my house clean on a Saturday and we have housekeeper that comes once a week!!

If he has been treating you like crap for this long... you should perhaps seek counseling.

This. Kids. You can clean one room, and their crap is all over the other room. Whoosh them out of that room so you can clean it and the next room will have their crap all over it. It is important that you guys discuss what is reasonable in terms of cleaning and that you also make clear that staying home IS a job and a real fucking hard one some days

Funny thing is that SAH mothers in the 40s and 50s still managed to keep clean houses with kids. If you can't and they're all you're looking after all day, then examine that.

They sent their kids outside to play all day with the neighborhood kids. Kids were not inside making messes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like bullshit. I'd ask him point blank if he's cheating.

+1

OP, I am so sorry but your DH's explanation is gaslighting, blame shifting nonsense. He has been "angry at you" for years because he wants to believe the BS he tells his mistress about the marriage being bad is true. So he makes it bad. I'm so sorry. Get your ducks in a row. You'll be OK.

This.
The simplest explanation is usually the right one.

+2

When I opened this thread, I was expecting you to say that you found out he had a mistress. He hasn't been treating you like crap because the house isn't clean. Life just doesn't work that way.