I just found out why my DH has been treating me like crap for 3 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know--I work FT, have two DC, and my house is clean (no help). Doesn't seem to me like DH's expectations are unreasonable, unless something else is going on.

How old are your kids? How clean is your home when your kids are home all day with one spouse only? Do you limit them to certain areas of the house? How much do you get done when you are alone with the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

What exactly is your point, if you have one. They can work out whatever schedule works for them. Cleaning during the week doesn't take long, I'd imagine no more than 30-60 min per day (I don't think anyone can say that is expecting too much). And there are lots of easy to throw together recipes that take 30 minutes or less, get an instant pot if it's still hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

+1

[Anonymous]

Is the house actually dirty or just cluttered with your DD's toys? If it's toy clutter, then I don't blame you. It's hard to keep the house clutter free of toys. I have two older ES kids, and I feel like all I do is spend time telling them to pick up/clean their stuff out of literally every room in the house. It's hard to keep their stuff in one area, and the house tidy.

But, if the house is dirty, like the bathrooms and piled high dirty dishes in the kitchen all the time, then, yes, I wouldn't be happy about that, either. Your 3 yr old should be able to sit and color or something while you clean up the kitchen. Really, you don't need to spend every minute with your child. Your child can spend some time doing things on her own. It's actually a good thing for her to learn.

If your DD was still an infant, then I'd be more sympathetic to you. Or, if your DD has SN, then it's a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the house actually dirty or just cluttered with your DD's toys? If it's toy clutter, then I don't blame you. It's hard to keep the house clutter free of toys. I have two older ES kids, and I feel like all I do is spend time telling them to pick up/clean their stuff out of literally every room in the house. It's hard to keep their stuff in one area, and the house tidy.

But, if the house is dirty, like the bathrooms and piled high dirty dishes in the kitchen all the time, then, yes, I wouldn't be happy about that, either. Your 3 yr old should be able to sit and color or something while you clean up the kitchen. Really, you don't need to spend every minute with your child. Your child can spend some time doing things on her own. It's actually a good thing for her to learn.

If your DD was still an infant, then I'd be more sympathetic to you. Or, if your DD has SN, then it's a different story.

Pretty much this...if the house is actually unclean, OP needs to manage her time better. Can't do much about clutter if there is no space though.

[Anonymous]

It's got to be tough waking up late, meeting a girlfriend at Starbucks for a "play date" and then retiring to the couch, feet up, eating bonbons while watching Days and then throw on some Hamburger Helper at 5 and telling DH how rough your day was. I feel for you OP!

[Anonymous]

Well...if the house isn't clean what DO you do all day OP? I'm serious and would have the very same question. SAH - your kids and the house is in your job responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's got to be tough waking up late, meeting a girlfriend at Starbucks for a "play date" and then retiring to the couch, feet up, eating bonbons while watching Days and then throw on some Hamburger Helper at 5 and telling DH how rough your day was. I feel for you OP!

I love you <3

[Anonymous]

There is simply no reason for your house to be anything but clean. Exception for those rare times you are dealing with a sick baby. And even then, you have one child. It's not that hard.

I was a SAHM with five kids. They are grown/mostly grown now. My house was always clean, laundry always (well almost always) done, meals cooked most nights. I'm not bragging nor am I a martyr because it just is not that difficult. There are plenty of mothers who are able to work full time AND keep their houses clean. Not sure how they do it. They are the ones that have it tough, especially if they don't have help. By comparison, we have it easy.

You need to figure out what is making it difficult for you and find a way to fix it. If you are depressed, get help. Maybe you would truly be happier working? If it's just a matter of organization, join flylady. I can't really blame your DH for feeling frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

Idk, you suggested that we are saying OP should spend every single hour of the day working (not true). I said it doesn't take every single hour to clean and cook, more like ONE hour. You just want to argue nothing I guess.

[Anonymous]

Do it. Go back to work. Hire a cleaner. Preschool is good for them anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, is the house messy? I think that part of staying home with the kids mean that you should also clean too. What are you doing during naps? Incorporate your daughter in cleaning up.

Yeah, OP has to spend every single hour working. Like DH probably does when he travels or takes a lunch break.. No breaks for Op. And she probably has night duties too. Ha!

If it takes you that long to clean and cook you're doing it wrong. You should look into that.

Since it is apparently so easy for you and OP's DH to clean and cook, how about he does it on the weekends or when he gets back from travel?

Some people (like this PP) get so hot and bothered by why they think is an attack on SAHM's, that they lose sight of reality. No-one even insinuated that OP needs to spend every single hour working. You're arguing about a figment of your own imagination. It's perfectly reasonable that OP should spend SOME time dedicated to cleaning and cooking.

There is nothing in OP's post that suggest she doesn't spend some time cleaning and cooking. So why are we even discussion this?

....because her DH's three-year complaint against resides in the fact that he thought their house was dirty?!?

[Anonymous]

You can either a) Go back to work and hire help around the house or b) do a better job of cleaning the house (not that hard unless you live in a mcmansion). Either way it sounds like you both need to work on your communication. Since we don't know the actual state of your house and you haven't provided any details, it's impossible to say if he is out of line or perfectly justified.