Other parent called my kid a slur--how should I respond?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a terrible situation. It sounds like this guy's racist/anti-immigration platform is a pretty big part of who he is. Definitely get to know more about a family before you send your kid over for a drop off play date next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

second thread I’ve read lately on DCUM where person alleges a “slur” but won’t say what it is, so it is difficult to respond.

Cracker, Jew, wetback, gringo, chink wouldn't be bleeped. There is only one word that would be.

One of these things is not like the other, one of these thins just does' belong . . . .
Seriously though, when did Jew become a slur?

It's a slur when you Jew someone down in price. I hear that all the time.

[Anonymous]

Seeing that the father's facebook page is full of anti-immigrant and anti-Hispanic posts, I would also distance myself from this family. And I'm not Hispanic.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your plan (not to allow DD over there, to allow friend to visit you) is the best one.

I would be really upset if someone said something like this to my kids. I just can't believe someone from a city would act like that. My crappy hometown, maybe. But here in DC where so many of us are mixed or in interracial marriages, or with families with kids from all over that our kids are best friends with? Shameful. Really, really shameful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really thought you hear it yourself and not just trust your child. so your child didn't know the word, but repeated and remembered that particular word long enough to make it home and tell you? Possible she misheard? Any other words she remembers him say?
First make sure it happened the way it did then fume away.

I don't know why this is so unbelievable to some posters. My 5 year old came home today saying he and a classmate were playing at recess and the classmate called him a "punk" - not maliciously, just horseplay. He's never heard that word at home, doesn't watch any shows with that use the word - but still managed to remember it 6 hours later. Little kids remember words that are new to them, especially when it's in reference to them.

Anonymous wrote:I think we have to think about what our larger goal is here. My goal would be to increase contact and understanding among different races. How does that happen? BY having MORE contact not less and being understanding but firm about insulting racial slurs. Hence,

I would somehow point out and ask about the slur and say that DD really did have a lovely time at their house and really enjoys their daughter. Be soft but honest if you can and then see what happens. This could be the start of REAL actual change.

If you get hard and firm (not pliable), the other family is likely to dig in and possibly increase their racial slurs and feelings.

YEs you are being the bigger person - but in the long run, you could really turn this family around and that would be AMAZING.

Just my two cents. So sorry about this-

This poster is out of his/her mind. OP I absolutely think you are going about this in the right way. Your family is not responsible for teaching this man, and frankly a grown man using this kind of language in 2016 won't change anyway. And I agree with whoever said the mom already knows.

[Anonymous]

Geez, PPs. "Well, I've never heard it, so..." Yeah, are you Latino? I'd never seen a cab not stop for black people before I was with my black friends, either.

[Anonymous]

I can believe that a 5 year old would remember the word spic. The father probably didn't say it in a friendly manner and it must have marked the child.

Probably not Oh hey, "I didn't know you were a spic". LOL.
but
"I didn't know you were a spic". Glare.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, I find it a bit unbelievable that a 5 yr old would recall this as a detail to repeat. She likely met the dad for a few seconds and then went off to play. My kid is also Hispanic. If someone had said that to her at 5, it would have meant nothing to her and she wouldn't have cared. She would have zero context for the term and would assume it applied to all kids not just her specifically.

Right, because children only remember and ask about words they already know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can believe that a 5 year old would remember the word spic. The father probably didn't say it in a friendly manner and it must have marked the child.

Probably not Oh hey, "I didn't know you were a spic". LOL.
but
"I didn't know you were a spic". Glare.

Yep, I agree with this. Even if you don't understand what a word means, you can tell it's a vulgar word if the speaker says it like a slur. The fact that OPs daughter didn't know what it meant and it stuck with her hours later makes me think it's definitely the latter of the two options above. Definitely not a person you want around your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you have a Hispanic last name? What was the context of the conversation DD had with this dad?

Our last name is Spanish, but DD's first name is not. DD and her friend were at the friend's house with mom, dad came home, friend said "This is Larla" (or whatever) dad said "I didn't know you were a spic."

I never got to meet the dad. I came to pick DD up at the right time and she was all ready, and just came right out to our car. We waved to mom and friend and left. Later on at bedtime, DD asked me about the word, and it all started.

There is no such thing as a "Hispanic" last name. If OP is Hispanic, her last name is Spanish in origin.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You're incredibly mature and rational about this.

I would have said something to the mother. Not in an accusatory or angry way, since she is not responsible for her husband's behavior, but just to let her know that such incidents are NOT ignored or forgotten. If you have any way of contacting the father, I would definitely say something to him directly, again to let him know calmly that you do not accept this characterization of your child. These people need to be told - not confronted - but talked to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, PPs. "Well, I've never heard it, so..." Yeah, are you Latino? I'd never seen a cab not stop for black people before I was with my black friends, either.

+1 Some people on DCUM seem to have limited social circles.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the posters who cautioned against judging too quickly without knowing for sure if the DD misheard. OP, you've convinced me with your clarifications, especially the Facebook evidence. I would not let me daughter back over there. She does not need to be around that man. And I would tell the mom why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can believe that a 5 year old would remember the word spic. The father probably didn't say it in a friendly manner and it must have marked the child.

Probably not Oh hey, "I didn't know you were a spic". LOL.
but
"I didn't know you were a spic". Glare.

And both hypothetical examples would be equally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Geez, PPs. "Well, I've never heard it, so..." Yeah, are you Latino? I'd never seen a cab not stop for black people before I was with my black friends, either.

+1 Some people on DCUM seem to have limited social circles.

We're such losers that we only are friends with people who would never such things to a child, and probably not to an adult. We should broaden our social circles to include bigots, jerks, racists, and morons, obviously.