Other parent called my kid a slur--how should I respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

Agree. N word, C word, C word, B word.... ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

second thread I’ve read lately on DCUM where person alleges a “slur” but won’t say what it is, so it is difficult to respond.

What difference does it make? It's a racial slur. Often times, there are words that have multiple meanings, and people get hung up on the acceptable meanings instead of realizing that it's a historically racist word. Op isn't asking if she should be offended, she's asking how to handle the offensive situation.

I've had people call my kids "oriental" before, which is offensive, but which I understand wasn't as offensive formerly and can keep calm about since older people don't really understand not to use it. However, if someone calls my kids "gooks," end of friendship.

There is no reason for OP to be coy on an anonymous forum except if she's a troll. The only word I can think of that's bleeped on TV would be the N word. Even super offensive slurs like kike, guinea, beaner, etc don't get bleeped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

Well I am white and if I heard any of those words used towards any child at a house, I would not let them back. If you are talking that way around a 5yr old I can not imagine what comes out around teens and adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

Wow. So if someone called your daughter a c&#t, chink, wetback, or cracker you would be "unhappy" about it, but not "incensed"? Okaaaaay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

Wow. So if someone called your daughter a c&#t, chink, wetback, or cracker you would be "unhappy" about it, but not "incensed"? Okaaaaay.

I'm not PP. What is "c&#t"? That's a swear word and not a racial slur, right?

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

second thread I’ve read lately on DCUM where person alleges a “slur” but won’t say what it is, so it is difficult to respond.

What difference does it make? It's a racial slur. Often times, there are words that have multiple meanings, and people get hung up on the acceptable meanings instead of realizing that it's a historically racist word. Op isn't asking if she should be offended, she's asking how to handle the offensive situation.

who says? I’d prefer to make my own judgment on that -- once I’ve heard what it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

I’ll bet any amount of money it wasn’t the “N” word, otherwise the OP would have just said so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

second thread I’ve read lately on DCUM where person alleges a “slur” but won’t say what it is, so it is difficult to respond.

What difference does it make? It's a racial slur. Often times, there are words that have multiple meanings, and people get hung up on the acceptable meanings instead of realizing that it's a historically racist word. Op isn't asking if she should be offended, she's asking how to handle the offensive situation.

I've had people call my kids "oriental" before, which is offensive, but which I understand wasn't as offensive formerly and can keep calm about since older people don't really understand not to use it. However, if someone calls my kids "gooks," end of friendship.

There is no reason for OP to be coy on an anonymous forum except if she's a troll. The only word I can think of that's bleeped on TV would be the N word. Even super offensive slurs like kike, guinea, beaner, etc don't get bleeped.

second thread just like this in two weeks. Gotta wonder.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely want to know if my child dropped a slur.

It's within the realm of possibility that a precocious 5 year old has picked up the n-word via hip hop (or at school, depending on where they go) and decided to try it out for shock value. I think most parents would be embarrassed and appreciated the opportunity to swiftly address.

I personally have never heard the other racial slurs uttered in real life, so I would actually be more concerned because it means he likely heard it from a grown-up in his life, in a derogatory way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

honestly, I am white & would laugh if someone called me or my kid a cracker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely want to know if my child dropped a slur.

It's within the realm of possibility that a precocious 5 year old has picked up the n-word via hip hop (or at school, depending on where they go) and decided to try it out for shock value. I think most parents would be embarrassed and appreciated the opportunity to swiftly address.

I personally have never heard the other racial slurs uttered in real life, so I would actually be more concerned because it means he likely heard it from a grown-up in his life, in a derogatory way.

That's not the issue. The friend's dad said the word, whatever it was, in front of her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

honestly, I am white & would laugh if someone called me or my kid a cracker.

Oh, sorry, I meant I wouldn't be unhappy. I WOULD laugh. Ugh, way to be garbled, me!

[Anonymous]

Well, you all want the stupid play dates so this comes with it.

Either you believe your kid, which I'm thinking her friend said my daddy calls people like you ____ or you terminate the friendship because once you confront the mother, playing together is over anyway.

I would say nothing and have my kid find another friend. Life is harsh, feelings get hurt. If you constantly fight for your kid over something someone said, you might as well keep her home because you will become that crazy Mom.

But it's your call.

[Anonymous]

naming the slur is the only thing that can calm this group down.

[Anonymous]

The OP says that the other parent CALLED HER KID A SLUR, right? I don't care which slur it is, it is completely inappropriate to insult children.

I'm not sure I'd speak to the parents. Anyone comfortable insulting a small child is probably not going to care that that child's same-slur parents are upset.

But my kid would never go to that house again. Period.