Other parent called my kid a slur--how should I respond?

[Anonymous]

I bet this is a troll post. It's an anonymous forum- why not just say the word?

[Anonymous]

I'm really having a hard time imagining the context for this. oP, I don't care what the slur is, but can you tell us the context around it? (Like did the dad say "sit down and shut up, you xxxxx." Or "I've always wanted Larla to have a xxxx friend." Or what???). That might affect whether this is a immediately cut off all contact situation, or a subtly let the mom know her husband is inappropriate situation. Really, if my husband was being wildly inappropriate around play dates, I would want to know so that: 1) he never monitored another play date; and 2) I could leave him if he's the type to call a little kid a xxxx.

I'm also wondering if the dad is from another country, as sometimes people don't realize what they are saying or are using a bad translator. In Russian, for instance, the words for black people do not translate well to English, and I can see a Russian that doesn't speak English well using the n word without understanding the impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP says that the other parent CALLED HER KID A SLUR, right? I don't care which slur it is, it is completely inappropriate to insult children.

I'm not sure I'd speak to the parents. Anyone comfortable insulting a small child is probably not going to care that that child's same-slur parents are upset.

But my kid would never go to that house again. Period.

See, this is why I want to know the word and the context. Is this dad comfortable insulting children? Or did he use a word he didn't realize was a slur. Is this mom getting bent out of shape about "oriental" or the n word? I didn't know it was bad to use the term oriental. Now I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP says that the other parent CALLED HER KID A SLUR, right? I don't care which slur it is, it is completely inappropriate to insult children.

I'm not sure I'd speak to the parents. Anyone comfortable insulting a small child is probably not going to care that that child's same-slur parents are upset.

But my kid would never go to that house again. Period.

How do you know it’s a slur unless you know what was said?

Also, she asked what would you do? That depends a lot on what was said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

Wow. So if someone called your daughter a c&#t, chink, wetback, or cracker you would be "unhappy" about it, but not "incensed"? Okaaaaay.

I'm not PP. What is "c&#t"? That's a swear word and not a racial slur, right?

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

Again wow. Look up the word slur and while you're at it look up the word cunt. So a racial slur is the only kind of slur there is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

Wow. So if someone called your daughter a c&#t, chink, wetback, or cracker you would be "unhappy" about it, but not "incensed"? Okaaaaay.

I'm not PP. What is "c&#t"? That's a swear word and not a racial slur, right?

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

Again wow. Look up the word slur and while you're at it look up the word cunt. So a racial slur is the only kind of slur there is?

^ The OP said she is a member of a certain racial/ethnic group and the offensive remark referred to “our group.” So it’s not the “c” word.

[Anonymous]

Op, your vagueness isn't helping here. It's very difficult to discern intent without knowing the word. For example, my dad used the term "oriental" to describe Asian people. He had no idea it was offensive and couldn't understand that the world had changed and was no longer acceptable. If it's a word that wasn't a slur 30 or 40 years ago, it's very possible the person saying it had no idea it was offensive.

The course of action we'd advice would vary depending on the circumstance - the one I described above is different than dropping the n-word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child heard the n word from a parent on a play date, that would be the end of the friendship outside of school.

any other slur, I would be unhappy but not incensed.

Wow. So if someone called your daughter a c&#t, chink, wetback, or cracker you would be "unhappy" about it, but not "incensed"? Okaaaaay.

I'm not PP. What is "c&#t"? That's a swear word and not a racial slur, right?

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

Again wow. Look up the word slur and while you're at it look up the word cunt. So a racial slur is the only kind of slur there is?

Oh hey troll. From OP:

DD is in kindergarten, and we are part of a certain racial/ethnic group. She had a playdate recently with another girl, whom she’s played with all year, and on the way home, I learned that the girl’s father used an offensive slur to DD. The slur is known to be offensive, would be bleeped on TV, and refers to our group.

Unless there's an ethnicity called like "the Welsh Cunts" that I'm unaware of, you're just trolling. Go to Tumblr and complain about getting triggered there instead, okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so vague about the slur?

second thread I’ve read lately on DCUM where person alleges a “slur” but won’t say what it is, so it is difficult to respond.

Cracker, Jew, wetback, gringo, chink wouldn't be bleeped. There is only one word that would be.

Is Jew a slur?? I grew up in a majority Jewish area and they referred to themselves as Jews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

BTW, I'm white and no, of course I wouldn't laugh if someone called my kid a cracker However, my kids aren't white so it's not going to happen -- but there ARE shades to slurs and some aren't as bad as others, and might not be worth cutting off a friend whose parent used one for (if, for example, it was less offensive, I would consider talking with the parent and trying to resolve it).

honestly, I am white & would laugh if someone called me or my kid a cracker.

White person here. Yep I would laugh and laugh if someone called me a cracker. I got a letter at work once referring to us as "whiteys" and we laughed about it for weeks. I saved the letter actually.

[Anonymous]

What is there to say? If you think the dad may have said something inappropriate, no more play dates at their house. Meet at a park or get together at your place.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

[Anonymous]

100% troll if you won't name the slur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

Yeah I would be PISSED if this were my kid. She wouldn't be going back there and I would let the mom know exactly why next time I saw her in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not give the actual word because it doesn't matter, and I was hoping you would just trust me that it was offensive and not "oh, he was just being folksy and cute." According to my child, she met the dad, who said "I didn't know you were a spic." I'm not asking for a debate about whether or not people who use that word are racists, I'm asking for advice about whether or not to approach a parent used a known offensive term to my child.

okay, I apologize for doubting you. Yes, it is very offensive. Although maybe he is in that group and refers to himself that way, as one older guy I knew did,